The Day That You Fall I'll Be Right Behind You

Last night after my family left I cried myself to sleep in Josh’s arms. I was completely devastated. I feel like my heart is breaking. Shaun, my brother, my twin, one of my best friends is dead. I love him so much and I’m not ever going to get to see him again.
 
The next week went by in a blur. I don’t think I did much but crythat can’t be good for our baby that I’m carrying. Josh has been great through all of this but he can’t fix it. We had to go to the funeral and that was absolutely horrible emotionally. I hated seeing the casket with the American flag draped over. There were so many Marines there and they kept telling me how great Shaun was. I know they meant well but it just made me feel worse.
 
Since it’s the off season for Josh I’ve gotten to spend a lot more time with him but today, the day after the funeral he has to go to some track to do some testing. The track is here in California, not too far away luckily. Usually when he does testing he has to go back to North Carolina. But it’s my first day since I heard about my brother’s death that he wouldn’t be home.
 
“I love you Kirstie. I’ll be home soon, and I’ll call you every break I get okay?” he said with his hands on my shoulders. I slowly nodded my head and wrapped my arms around him.
 
“I love you Josh,” I sighed into his chest.
 
“Do you want me to call Kylee and have her come over?” he asked.
 
“No I don’t want to bother her,” I said to him.
 
“And you’re sure you don’t want to come with me?” he questioned like he had numerous times earlier this morning.
 
“Yeah I’m sure. I’ll be fine,” I stated.
 
“Okay,” he sighed skeptically. “I love you sweetheart. I’ll be home as soon as I can,” he said giving me a few kisses before leaving.
 
I puttered around the house for a while and walked into what, in a few months, would be our new baby’s room.
 
A loud sigh came out of me before I exited the room and went downstairs. As I was doing so something caught my eye. We have pictures along the wall that goes down the stairs. One that stood out to me today was the one right after Shaun got into the marines. I was standing in front of him and he had his arms around my shoulders and he was clothed in his Marine uniform minus the hat which I had put on top of my own head while we both gave goofy smiles.
 
I lost track of time as I gazed at the picture. I didn’t even notice I was crying until some of the cool, salty liquid spilled off my cheeks onto my hand. My eyes stayed focused on that picture while my mind raced in a million directions.
 
Never again would I call my twin brother to chat.
Never again would he be there to pull me back up when I got knocked down.
Never again would I see his smiling face poke into my room to wake me up.
Never again would I know anyone like my brother Shaun.
Never again would I have a twin.
 
I needed to think, I needed to get away. I ranwell what a pregnant lady calls running and grabbed my keys. I left everything else at home even my cell phone I just needed some time to myself away from here.
 
My feet carried me out to my truck and I quickly drove down the road. I just kept on driving until I was a few hours away from Temecula. I rolled into an empty parking lot and turned my truck off. I just sat there and cried thinking about my brother, about everything he told me as a stray memory from long ago filled my mind.
 
”I can’t believe that Kylee and I are going to start our own photography business. How cool is that!” I squealed as my family was all eating dinner.
 
“You just have to keep in mind Kirstie that it isn’t all fun. I don’t mean to be a downer but it’s a lot of work especially for two young girls,” my dad advised.
 
“Yeah I think it’ll work though,” I smiled brightly.
 
“Ah Kirstie, always the optimist,” Justin chuckled.
 
“Remember though Kirst, you can’t always look behind you or you’ll trip over what’s in front of you,” Shaun told me.
 
“Especially with her coordination,” Cody teased as we all laughed
 
I had forgotten those words Shaun had told me so long ago. you can’t always look behind you or you’ll trip over what’s in front of you who knew that the same words he told me would help me get through his death.
 
That was the last thing I remembered before I fell asleep on the seat of my truck.