Be My Escape

Waking up the next morning with a pounding headache from hell was not what I would call fun. Neither was the returning nightmare I had, though, so I guess it all evened out.

I should have known that the nightmares were going to come back. It just didn’t make sense that they just disappeared after a year; I had hoped that the change in scenery would help my nightmares, but I honestly didn’t think it would do anything. So I wasn’t really surprised when I woke up on Monday and my heart was racing and Amanda’s voice was echoing in my ears.

My morning routine that day was a blur—I didn’t remember picking out my outfit or putting it on, and I didn’t remember making the to-go cup of tea I always brought with me, but I did. Before I knew it, I was heading out the door and locking it behind me.

I didn’t get much further than only a few steps down the hall before the familiar sound of a door opening echoed around me. I turned out of curiosity only to find Josh, his gaze focused on the floor while his hands tugged at the black beanie on his head. I sighed and kept walking, not wanting to get into it with him so early in the morning. In the back of my mind, I knew I should have apologized right then and there for blowing up on him last night, but I also knew I really, really wasn’t feeling up to groveling. So I just kept walking.

When I got to my dad’s office, Jake was waiting for me outside of the building. My heart melted a tiny at the sight of him, standing there looking so good with his hands shoved into the pockets of his black dress pants, but another part of me felt nothing. It was weird, so I tried to shrug it off as I walked over to him. “Hi,” I said quietly. We hadn’t spoken much since the night of the party when I had lit into him, and as much as I felt bad I still felt even worse about the fact that he didn’t get me like I thought he should.

“Hey,” he smiled when he saw me, leaning down to kiss my cheek. “I was waitin’ for you.”

I nodded, but said nothing more because I knew there had to be a reason for him waiting around for me.

“So, are you still mad at me?” he asked bluntly, which I was glad. We didn’t need to beat around the bush.

I shrugged. “I wasn’t mad at you, Jake. I was just upset at the whole situation. I mean, I haven’t—”

He cut me off then with a quick kiss on the lips. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, his breath ghosting against my lips, causing me to tingle. I felt myself nodding, telling him it was okay, even though it wasn’t. I just didn’t feel like fighting. I had fought more in the past few days that I had in my whole life practically, and it had been enough.

“Let me take you out to dinner tonight, please,” he asked me as he pulled away, a smile still on his face.

I smiled too and nodded. He then grabbed my hand and we made our way into the office for another long day of interning.

***

I walked into the mail room only to find Jake and Beth sorting mail together. It was Monday, after all, and since Ricky was gone for the week and Sophia had called in sick, Beth had got stuck sorting again this week. “Hey guys,” I said to them both so they’d know I was there.

Jake turned and smiled at me, walking over to kiss me quick on the cheek. “We’re almost done sorting this. Once we are, Beth and I were just talking and we were thinking of heading over to the pub. I figured you and I could go too instead of some stuffy date night.”

I smiled and told him that sounded great, because in all honesty it did. I didn’t feel like going out on some fancy date with Jake that night. I just wanted to relax. “I’m going to go home and change first, but then I’ll meet you guys there if that’s alright?”

Both Jake and Beth nodded, so I said a quick goodbye and headed out.

I hurried back to my flat, only to run into all of the guys returning home at once, which in itself was a little odd. They usually all got back to their flat at different times and they usually didn’t get back until later. “Hi guys.” I gave them a small smile and waved, then went back to my search for my keys. I didn’t look up until I found them, and when I did Josh had disappeared from the group.

I groaned then and looked at Max. “I need to apologize, don’t I?”

He shrugged. “Well love, he told me you two had a little spat, so yeah you probably should.”

I quirked an eyebrow at this statement. “You two are talking?”

My step-brother just shrugged and I rolled my eyes. “Fine,” I muttered, brushing by the group to the door while I held up a finger. “Give me a minute okay? Don’t come in unless you hear yelling.” Then, once I threw them a wink so they’d know I was (kind of) joking, I ventured inside.

“Josh?” I called out tentatively. When he didn’t respond, I kept walking further into the flat. After checking the kitchen and the living room only to come up empty handed, I ventured back to his bedroom. The sign from the party had since been taken off, I noticed as I knocked on the door.

“What?” he called out.

“It’s Peyton. Can I come in?”

I heard foot steps and then the door flew open. “What do you want?” he asked, his voice cold and hard.

I sighed. “I’m sorry for biting your head off the other day. I was just irritated, and I wasn’t getting any answers to any of my questions, so I let it out on you.”

He looked slightly taken aback by my apology, which would have made me laugh if I wasn’t trying to be sincere with what I was saying. And I was sincere, but I knew I would have to try extra hard so he’d believe me. “Okay,” he said finally with a small nod, and I noticed the coldness to his voice had since disappeared.

I’ll admit, I too was a little surprised by his reaction to this. I mean, just the other day he had practically told me to stay out of his life, and now he was accepting a mere apology? “Really?” I asked, my voice cracking in surprise. I cleared my throat at his smirk and said, “I mean, I’m glad and all, just a little surprised.”

He shrugged and raked his hands through his hair before shaking it out again, the same move he had done when I first met him. “I figure we were both a little dramatic and at fault, so alls well. Yeah?”

I smiled and nodded. “Okay, good. I’ll see you later then?” At his nod, I walked back out of the flat with a smile on my face.

Apparently, all of the guys were expecting me to be covered in blood, because they looked absolutely shocked at my appearance. “There was no yelling!” Matt exclaimed in shock.

Laughing, I shrugged my shoulders. “I know. It was weird, but whatever. I’m not complaining.”

Max smiled and slung his arm over my shoulder, pulling me into his side. “So, we got out early and we were thinkin’ of headin’ over to the pub to get some drinks. Want to come?”

“Actually, I’m going with Jake and this girl I work with. So why don’t you guys come with me and you can all meet them?”

When they agreed, I told them I had to go change quick and then we could head over. After throwing on a pair of my favorite jeans, a white v-neck, and my black chukka vans, I grabbed my black pea coat and headed over to the guys flat so we could leave.

I hardly had enough time to knock before Max was throwing open the door, a grin in place on his face. “I’m so happy you’re goin’ out with us love!” he told me, pulling me in for a hug.

“I’m happy too, Max,” I laughed. “I’m glad you guys are finally going to meet my friends, too.” When we separated, the rest of the guys were all standing around, ready to go, so we all headed out. As we walked out into the cold Reading night, our group separated slightly. I strayed back with Max and surprisingly, Josh, while Dan, Matt, and Chris all lead the way. “So why did you guys get done so early today?” I asked the two of them.

“We’ve been workin’ really hard, and John had some business to take care of so he gave us the rest of the day off,” Josh informed me as he shoved his hands into his coat pocket.

“Have you worked on that one song yet?” I asked, referring to the song Josh had played me at the party. I was really hoping he had, and I was hoping even harder that I would get to hear some of it sometime soon.

He smirked at me in response, but nodded. “Surprised you remember.”

I just shrugged. “It’s hard to forget a good song. Will I get to hear it when it’s done?”

Max laughed at my eagerness, but then was confused. “What song is she talkin’ about mate?”

I turned to look at Josh and saw him visibly blush, which seemed weird to me but I brushed it off. “I was workin’ on Fireworks at the party when Peyt burst into my room and wanted to hear it. That’s all.”

When I looked at Max, he was smirking at me, which made me roll my eyes. The subject of the song was dropped then and we walked in silence the rest of the way to the pub.

When we walked into the pub, I almost immediately spotted Jake at the bar, sitting next to Beth. I smirked at the guys and made my way over while the followed me. Jake spotted the guys following me first, and then I noticed his face fell and he turned to Beth, tapping her shoulder and pointing at us.

Once Beth turned to us, it was like time stopped. I kept walking over to Jake, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. I didn’t notice that the guys had all stopped a few feet back and were now all staring with their jaws dropped. I tried to ask what was wrong, but I couldn’t even get that out before the commotion started.

“You’ve got to be fuckin’ kiddin’ me,” Josh stated as he glared at Beth, who I noticed was just rolling her eyes.

“Nice to see you, boys,” she told them nonchalantly as she took a sip of her beer. “It’s been a while.”

I let my gaze drift over all of the guys, who each had their own versions of “horrified” written all over their faces, while I just had a look of confusion on mine. I turned my gaze over to Beth and Jake, but my stomach knotted just at the sight of the blonde.

She was merely smirking, while an air of arrogance took over her every move.

It was weird; it took me awhile to catch up to everything. Maybe it had been a long day, or maybe I was just getting stupider with every passing day I stayed in England. Whatever it was, I didn’t fully catch up to what was going on until it was practically spelled out in front of my face.

“You slag,” Josh spat at Beth, making me gasp. I may not have been from this side of the pond, but I knew a thing or two about English slang, and I knew slag was like calling a girl a slut back home. I also knew if I was Beth, I would have slapped him right across the face. But, she was still just sitting there, leaning her back against the bar as she smirked and took a drink of her beer.

“Oh get off it, Joshy.” I immediately looked at Josh; I remembered how he reacted when I called him Joshy at dinner with my parents, so I wondered how he was going to react to Beth saying it. He didn’t have time to say anything though, because she kept talking. “You’re still hung up on what happened?” She laughed lightly, shaking her head. “I know it hasn’t been that long, and I know I’m amazing, but you really need to get over it.”

Josh immediately took a step towards her, but Max and Dan stopped him. “You fuckin’ slag!” he spat at her. “Haven’t had enough of the guys in Reading yet? Figured you would have gotten to them all by now, what with your legs bein' open more than the Tesco down the street,” he hissed, his voice scarily angry.

Beth just laughed again. Josh obviously wasn’t going to get the reaction he wanted from her, and I think he knew this. “Fuck this,” he said, tearing his gaze away from the blonde and bringing it to me. “I can’t believe you, Peyton.” His eyes were hard and dark with rage, and I didn’t know why. I didn’t have time to ask though, because after he said that he tore out of Dan and Max’s grasp and stormed out of the pub.

Max sighed. “We’ll go after him,” he told me. He seemed disappointed in me, which was weird, because I still didn’t know what was going on.

“Max, wait,” I pleaded, feeling desperate.

He shook his head. “We’ll talk later.” Then, he and the guys all left.

I turned back to Jake and Beth, who didn’t seem phased at all by what just happened. “Mind filling me in?” I asked, irritated by Beth’s behavior and feeling slightly protective of Josh, even if he had just been pissed at me for no reason.

She shrugged. “Josh and I used to date, but we broke up and he’s obviously not over it, the poor bloke.”

My jaw dropped open. “I am such an idiot!” I exclaimed, mentally smacking myself on the forehead. Now that it had literally been spelled out for me, I realized why Josh had been angry.

I started to head for the door, hoping I could catch up with the guys and Josh, but Jake stopped me. “Wait, love, what about our date?”

I looked at him like he had grown two heads. Was he really asking me this? “Uh, I’ll see you tomorrow,” was all I said before I headed back out the door.

Surprisingly, it didn’t take me long to find the guys. They hadn’t gotten all that far, in retrospect, and I was running pretty fast. “Guys!” I called out to stop them, but they just kept walking. I groaned and continued running, not stopping myself until I was in front of them and they couldn’t keep going.

“Where’s Josh?” I asked, immediately realizing he wasn’t with them.

They shrugged. “When we got outside, he was gone. He probably went back to the flat though,” Dan told me.

I nodded and took off, not wasting anymore time. The fact that I left the pub shortly after Josh combined with my running meant I actually caught up to Josh before he got to the flat, only a couple minutes away from our building actually. “Josh!” I yelled so I could get his attention. Surprisingly, he stopped and turned to see who was yelling his name. When all he saw was me, he glared and then kept walking.

“Wait!” I sprinted to his retreating figure, only stopping when I grabbed his arm to stop him from walking away.

“Let go of me,” he growled as he whipped around from the force of me grabbing him.

“Not until you let me talk to you!” I exclaimed, completely out of breath from all the running. I clutched my side and breathed heavily while still holding onto him so he wouldn’t leave.

“Fine, you want me to talk to you? I don’t have much to say, other than you’re a fuckin’ mental bitch for settin' something as shitty as this up Peyton.”

“No, let me explain,” I tried to interject, but he wasn’t having any of it.

He shook his head violently and ripped his arm out of my grasp. “No, let me explain Peyton. I thought we were actually maybe goin’ to be friends after your apology earlier, but clearly not after the shit you pulled tonight.” He shook his head angrily and continued. “That Beth that you’ve been callin’ your friend? She’s not your friend. She’s probably usin’ you, just like that Jake’s probably usin’ you. You’re too damn stubborn to see any of that though, but whatever. Beth is a proper bitch, and as you’ve known she’s the one who crushed me like everyone’s been sayin’. Alright? Are you fuckin’ happy now?” he yelled at me, his face red with anger.

I could feel the tears well in my eyes as he yelled. I don’t know why, but knowing Josh was so hurt by what had just happened made me hurt. I felt bad that it was, essentially, all my fault. “I’m sorry, Josh,” I choked out, looking down at the ground. “I didn’t know.”

“Bull fuckin’ shit you didn’t know!” he yelled. “How could you have not Peyton? Jake knew who we were, and you worked with Beth, who works for your father. So she obviously knew who your brother was, and she obviously knew about all of us. You’re the one who said I needed to get over her, so you thought ‘hm, I’ll make him get over her by havin’ them run into each other tonight!’ Yeah?”

“No!” I exclaimed, shaking my head violently from side to side as I looked up at him. “Beth never told me that you guys dated. I had no idea she knew you guys, Josh." I was lying to him about not knowing Beth knew them, but it was for his own good at that point. Or rather, my own good. Whatever. "I wouldn’t do that to you. You may irritate me and I may not have liked you when we first met and I may yell at you sometimes, but I would never do something that bitchy.”

He shook his head. “Why should I believe you, Peyt?” He sighed. “Maybe we really shouldn’t be friends, yeah?” He gave me one last glare before turning on his heel and heading off towards our building.

I just stood there and watched him leave while the urge to cry kept building up inside of me; meanwhile, I just felt like I had just fucked up big time, even if it hadn’t been intentional.