Memories and Rememberance

I find it a curse. Others might think it a miracle. They die, and they go straight to heaven or hell.

I don't.

I'm sent to the ugly grey fog; where I belong. Now I'm back in the human life. Why? Who sent me to be Sky's...spirit? If you ask me that's pretty unfair. Where is my spirit keeping me alive? Or better yet...why can't I live in death like Amber?

Because, I'm not peacful.

It's come up so many times...but I ignore. After all what can feeling have to do with where I end up?

Who came up with these rules? Is it God? God, did you do this? Well...of course you did.

I believe in God. Ha, how strange is that? A ghost believes in God.

I've always put all my faith into God (at least in death). It just came naturally with me. I love God, and I really wish I could be with him.

So why God, why put me here?

It's pretty confusing. Great; more confusion. I'v always believed that anything that is considered a ghost or demon follows Satan.

So am I...a demon? It seems very unlikely. After all, I love God. I do, and I believe in him.

So why....?

I guess some things you just can't figure out. It irritates me beyond comprehension, but I just have to deal with it.

He came home from work. I don't know where he goes; all I know is he leaves in the morning and comes home in the afternoon. I've tried to kill myself before, but it's a failed attempt. I have to be killed some other way. I feel like I should know something about this, but I don't.

He enveloped me in a hug. I laughed, and hugged back. He kissed me all over my face.

"Sky, I have big news." He said. I waited for him to continue.

"We're moving." He said. Those words were so foreign to me. I knew what they meant, but ghosts who live as people just don't interact with those words. It just doesn't work.

"Oh." I said. I had this sudden urge to vomit. But instead I said, "Wait no; we can't." He looked at me funny. and took a step back.

"Babe...why not? Babe, another name that doesn't belong to me. I shook my head.

"This is crazy. All of this is just insane." He shook his head with tears in his eyes.

"What are you saying?" I took a deep breath.

"I need to die. I just have to. This life doesn't work for me." I couldn't even raise my voice. I was drained of energy.

"What are you talking about? You're perfectly fine." I looked at him with sad eyes.

"Look at me, I'm not healthy. I have no energy, I have no...life. I'm dead, and you need to accept that." He was full on crying now. I felt...guilt, but I couldn't do anything.

"No I won't let you. I love you so much, Sky; you can't leave me again." He was holding onto me as tightly as possible.

"Please just...let me go. If you love me you'll let me go." His sobs were soaking through my shirt.

"No no no no no Sky; don't this." He said. I pulled away slightly.

"Kill me." I said. His eyes got wide.

"No way! I'll lose you, I'll go to jail." I shook my head.

"Make it intentional. We can be walking across the street and I can get run over." He cried harder.

"Don't make me...please." His voice broke. I felt sadness wash over me. The emotion overwhelmed me, I was getting weaker. It should only be a matter of time before I really die and go back.

"Fine..we'll...I gotta get to sleep." He carried me to the room and tucked me in. I passed out immediately.

In my dreams, I had pictures of the railroad tracks. It was different though, because I was alive...they were real dreams.

I was balancing on the edge of the tracks. The wind was blowing slightly, and the clouds were everywhere.I tripped slightly and giggled. Some branches were cracked. I looked up. There he was. His hands were in his pockets. I smiled and ran up to him. He backed away.
I frowned.

"Sky, I have to tell you something." He said. I nodded. He took a deep breath.

"When I was 15, I got involved in a gang. I got out of it, but I still owe them a lot of money. I don't have that money Sky." I didn't understand.

"Sky...they're going to kill you." I gasped and took a step back.

"What? No, how can you do this to me?" The faint sound of a train's horn was heard. I looked at him in alarm.

"I love you."

Suddenly I was staring at myself, lying across the tracks. I wasn't as much of a mess as I should've been, if I was run over by a train. My stomach was bleeding, I was really pale. He was leaning over me, putting a black rose on my stomach. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. He kissed my dead, frozen lips.

"I love you so much Sky, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so, so sorry I did this to you."

And then I woke up.

But I was still asleep.

Thoughts running through my head, I could feel your arm around my waist, but I couldn't reall acknowledge it.

I was wish I could be asleep forever.