Love's Illusions

Bill let out a heavy sigh, slipping another spoonful of cookies 'n' cream ice cream into his mouth. He just gotten home from his date with Robbie, and couldn't help but think about what Andreas had said.

He still couldn't get his mind off Tom no matter how hard he tried. He was both excited and nervous about Monday. He needed to talk to Tom and hopefully get back on his good side, but at the same time he was scared to talk to Tom since he knew how mad he was.

“Ugh!” he groaned, lying back in his orange bean bag chair. He picked up the remote and turned on the TV. “Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen” had just started playing, only adding to Bill's annoyance.

“Story of my life Lohan. Story of my life.” he muttered, pulling his legs up to his chest as he rested his chin on his knees to watch the show.

“Hi sweetie, how was your date?” Bill's mother, Simone asked as she randomly popped her head in through the door. She was a chipper one she was, and everyone knew that's where Bill got his...well... his everything. His feminine features obviously, his candy cravings, and of course when he got upset, he'd turn into mini Simone.

“Horrible! I hate my life!” he pouted, hunching over as he ducked his head into his knees.

“Bill, are you on your period?” she asked in a very serious tone.

Bill couldn't help but crack a smile. He and Simone were very close, and she always joked around about how he was more of a daughter than a son to her. She always knew how to cheer him up.

“Nope. Not due till next week.” he joked.

“So what happened? I thought the whole point of a double date was so that things wouldn't get awkward.” she replied.

“It wasn't awkward per say. Andreas' date went perfect! They're going out again next weekend, but my date was a total creep! He was petting my hair! You know I hate that! I'm not a fucking cat!”

“Oh shush, you used to love me doing that when you were little.”

“But I'm seventeen now! I'm almost an adult and- Wait wait wait. This is getting completely off subject! God you always screw up my train of thought!” he wined.

Simone just giggled as she watched her son complain.

“Alright, so what's the big problem?” she asked.

“Gah! I hate being a teenager! Drama this, drama that! Why can't something fun happen and not get screwed up by one thing or another?!” he exclaimed.

“...who is he?”

“...Tom Kaulitz...” he mumbled, tracing random designs on the carpet by his feet.

“Your stalker?”

“He's not a stalker mom. He's been trying to get me to go out with him for two years. Remember when he bought me the yacht? The S.S.Billa?” he asked.

“Oh yeah! So what happened? You finally digging him?” she grinned.

“No! Ugh you sound just like Andi. Well...yesterday he sent me a card, asking me if I'd let him drive me to the mall to get those jeans I wanted, to just hang out. No “date” whatsoever. So one of my classmates, along with Andi convinced me to go.” he started.

“And?”

“And...I actually had fun. He didn't try anything, just like he promised. We shared some cotton candy, and got smoothies and we talked a lot. It was fun. And then...we were about to...kiss...when someone I know showed up, scared us, we fell into the fountain, and he mentioned that he'd “forced” me to go with Tom. Tom got mad at me and now he said he'll stop bugging me and now he hates me and I feel super guilty about everything so what should I do mommy?!” he cried.

“…wow. That was certainly a mouthful. Hm. Well, so first things first. DO you like him?” she asked once again.

“No! Well…maybe, but not in that- Ugh, I don’t know. I definitely don’t HATE him anymore that’s for sure. I never meant to hurt him. It was all an accident. I’m so gonna kill Ryan!”

“Don’t worry Bill. He’ll come around and you’ll figure out how you feel about him. You don’t just like someone for two years and stop because of one little thing. Now I think you should go to bed. It’s late.”

“Kay. Night mom.”

“Goodnight sweetie.” Simone smiled, taking the tub of ice cream with her.

“I am so boned.” Bill groaned as he climbed into bed.

- - - - - - - - - -

“What do you think is wrong with him?” Georg whispered.

“I don’t have a clue. Think he finally got AIDS?” Gustav whispered back.

“No. That he would have told us.”

“So what’s going on?”

“I just said I don’t-”

“You know I can hear you.” Tom mumbled emotionlessly.

“Oh…well then tell us what’s going on! We’re you best friends! How was your date with Bill?” Georg asked.

“Ugh! Don’t even mention that name! And it wasn’t a date!” Tom snapped, rolling onto his stomach to bury his face in the pillows.

“…what happened?” the two friends sighed.

“Nothing. We’ll never go out ever again.”

“Oh God what did you try?!” Gustav moaned.

“I didn’t try anything! It was him! I mean…we almost kissed but that was it. I’m just gonna have to accept that he doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

The G’s exchanged concerned glances wishing they’d known what had happened the day before to make Tom so upset.

- - - - - - - - - -

Since the very moment Bill entered the school Monday morning he’d been searching for Tom. All he wanted to do was talk. That was it. Nothing else.

He let a short sigh of relief when he spotted the dread head and jogged over to him. “Tom?” he asked, putting his hand on his shoulder to announce his presence.

Tom only grunted, harshly shrugging it off, and continued walking.

Bill only let his confusion freeze him there for a second, before he went after him again. “Tom!”

Tom’s hands clenched into fists as his sides, as he turned around to look at Bill. He gave him a quick look before his eyes narrowed.

“Tom will you just listen to me for a second?”

“…what?” he snapped.

“I’m really sorry I hurt you or made you mad. I didn’t mean it. Honest. I did have a lot of fun with you. I don’t get why this is such a big deal.”

“That’s exactly the point Bill. You don’t get it! And that’s why it’s so frustrating! I may not necessarily approve of love or relationships, but I DO have feelings you know! I’m not some heartless creep!” he shouted.

Bill just stood there in silence, completely shocked by the outburst.

“I thought…I thought maybe you were actually starting to like me Bill. After two years I thought maybe I’d gotten through to you.”

“…but I guess I was wrong. But at least now I know for sure nothing will ever get us to any level of friendship. So I guess I’ll see you around.” He sighed.

“But Tom I never meant to-”

“Bill seriously. Stop. Just…just leave me alone.” It was so quiet, only Bill could hear it as Tom turned his back and walked off. But what was that he saw in Tom’s eyes? They were glossy. Possibly could they have been tears? And why did Bill suddenly feel like crying himself?

- - - - - - - - - -

As much as Bill hated to do so, he listened. He left Tom alone. He hadn’t spoken or heard from him personally for three weeks. Of course they “saw” each other in the classes they shared, but not a single word was uttered between the two.

Truthfully, Bill was starting to miss Tom. If he ever referred to him, he always said Bill, or you, never Billa, and Bill kind of missed the goofy nickname. No more letters, no more gourmet food and candy, no more flowers, no more sassy smirks, no more attention. He’d never noticed it before, but Tom made him feel special. He made him feel important, noticed. But now that Tom wasn’t there, Bill felt alone. He had Simone and Andi and his other friends, but he still didn’t feel right.

Bill would watch Tom laugh and joke around with Georg, Gustav, and his other friends all the time. But every time Bill caught his eye Tom either shot him a glare, or his eyes got glossy again and he’d turn away.

Bill wasn’t really himself after he’d stop speaking to Tom. Just something in his mind would tell him to exclude himself from everything and keep his distance.

Little did he know how worried his parents and Andreas were. This was the only time Bill didn’t spill out his every thought to his best friend or his mother. And in a way, that frightened them both.

- - - - - - - - - -

“Bill you’re coming over to my house tonight.” Andreas stated. It was more of a demand rather than a request.

“No thanks Andi. I’m just gonna stay home and study.” Bill replied. His voice no longer had than cheerful tune it usually did. It was so emotionless and hollow. It just wasn’t Bill’s anymore.

“Too bad. You can fail the quiz for all I care. We’re having a BNI, you’re gonna pull that pole outta your ass, and you’re gonna turn back into my best friend!”

“I’m still you best friend.”

“Technically yes, but you’ve changed ever since you and Tom stopped talking and we’re all worried about you Bill! You’re not fun anymore! You haven’t even flirted with the people who moved in down the street. Eighteen year old Australian twins! And they’re hot! In fact, I don’t even think you have any sugar in the last three weeks have you?” he asked, putting his hand on his hip.

“…have I really been acting that weird…?

“Yes Bill! It’s killing me! Come on. Please?”

“…I dunno Andi…”

“…I snuck in three six packs. They’re in my closet in an ice chest. We can get insanely drunk and skip school tomorrow because of our hangovers.” He bribed.

“Okay okay. But only if you hold my hair back when I start puking.” Bill agreed with a mischievous smile.

“Don’t I always?”

-