Love Will Tear Us Apart

Brian and I sat in the back of the bus and talked for a long time. The rest of the day was miserable for me. We didn't have a show that day, so that was good. But Slash did, and he wanted me to sing and play acoustic for his song Mother Maria, so I had no choice.
While doing that song, I gave it all I had. For the first time people heard the resemblance in my voice that I had with my dad. Doing the song was hard, memories rushed back to me of my dad, all the good times...and all the bad. I got so emotional, by the guitar solo I was so upset and released my anger through the screams in the song.

Mother Mary, she don't talk to me
Mother Mary, she don't talk to me
Give her all apologies
It's Mother Mary, she don't talk to me!

I still don't hear her
I still can't hear her
I don't deserve her
So tell her not to cry
Tell her not to cry
Tell her not to cry!
Mother Maria...

*cue "Cold Desert" by KoL*

By the end of it I left the stage without a word, I passed Caleb who was standing side stage, and went back to my bus. I laid in my bed as i could feel the emptiness filling my heart again. Since Kurt died i've battled with depression all of my life. It seems since that day i was told that he killed himself, it was as if there was a hole in my chest, a void in my heart. To make the problem more complicated, i refused to talk about it with anyone. This is a terrible trait i've inherited from my dad. Being stubborn. I'm too stubborn to talk about it. Maybe it's a trust issue, or maybe it's my pride. But my heart hurts too much for me to do any of those things; to cry, to talk, to do anything but hurt. I could never blame him, or blame myself. I learned that a young age, being 8 years old crying to my mother about my dad, asking her if it was because of me that he killed himself. She told me that he couldn't be helped and it was no one's fault, not even his.
What hurts me most, is that being the little girl that i was, i asked my mum the most heartbreaking question, one that reduced us both to tears;

"Didn't he love me?"

I've never learned to let go of this. I loved him with all of my heart and it seems that he took it with him in that garage behind the house. A part of me wants to let go, but in the back of my mind, there's a part of me that wants to keep him with me. I just wanted to be alone, but then again i hate being alone. Alone with my thoughts is a hidden fear of mine. I loved my dad. I loved him.

(KoL POV)

"Caleb..." Nathan sat at the couch.

"I have no idea what's up with Audrey, just earlier today she was her usual happy self, then after the show she just walked passed me without a word." Caleb ignored his brother.

"Caleb, I need to tell you something." Nathan said.

"What?"

"Audrey didn't talk to you because of Lily..."

"Lily? What are you talking about?" Caleb looked at his brother.

"She told Audrey to back off and stay away from you, she told Audrey to end your friendship."

"Nathan are you telling me the truth?" Caleb asked.

"Of course I am, I wouldn't make up this sort of thing. I was in the back and I heard everything." Nathan told him the truth.

Caleb sat down, "I can't believe it, I told Lily to relax, I mean i hang out with Audrey, but that doesn't mean we're doing anything bad. I can't believe Lily would do that!" He was angry.

"I'm sorry man, but you needed to be told." Nathan looked away.

"What about Audrey, is she alright? What did she say?" Caleb looked at Nathan.

"Well, she was speechless. She didn't say anything to Lily, she just stod there. I think she was really hurt by it. I mean, did you hear her performance today? I don't think she's ever that intense on a daily basis." Nathan replied.

"I can't believe it." Caleb sighed. "I need to talk to Audrey."
He took out his cellphone and texted me.

(Audrey's POV)
Text from Caleb:
"Audrey, i need to talk to you. can u come to the bus?"

I stared at the text for a long time, then replied.
"No."

I began to softly sing the chorus of Say it Ain't So.

"Say it ain't so
Your drug is a heartbreaker
Say it ain't so
My love is a life taker ."