Memories That Vanished

For the next few days I ended up on the couch at night, staring at the pictures of Matt, the boys and I through out the years as they hung on the wall to my left. And the days flew by as Brian, Johnny, Zacky and I planned Matt's birthday party spending our days at the kitchen table, going through plans and talking about Matt's little boys and if they should come or not.

It seemed that all three of them were in favor of Landon and Vladimir attending the back yard barbie-que. And I don't know how many times I sighed as I lost the vote to a three to one majority. But as that day came nearer, the nervousness of not only putting Matt in a situation that could harm him, but just the fact that I'd get to see him again, grew more and more. And I felt silly for getting nervous about seeing my own husband at his own birthday party.

When Saturday finally came I was up at 11 AM, rushing around to make sure the boys knew not to call him Daddy. And every once in awhile I'd scold myself for stopping to double check my appearance in one of the mirrors that hung on random walls through out the house.

And even a couple times Vladimir would roll his hazel eyes in my direction and tell me to relax. And I tried, but when 12:30 rolled around, I ushered Vladimir and Landon into the car in an eager, nervous, panic. The ride seemed too short as Vladimir jabbered from the back seat about how excited he was to be seeing, his Dad again. And every time I reminded him about that word he would just groan and tell me that he already knows.

"Mommy?" Landon called as we sat in Brian's driveway.
"Yes, baby?" I asked, my gaze not leaving the big house in front of us.
"Inside?"
I nodded cautiously and unbuckled myself, getting out of the car. I opened the back door that was right next to mine and unbuckled Vladimir, watching as he raced up towards the house. I then leaned over and pulled Landon from his car seat. He clung to me and buried his face in my hair as I walked up to the door where Michelle stood in the door way, grinning at Vladimir as he talked a mile a minute.
"Hey 'Chelle," I smiled as I walked through the door, noticing that no one was in the house but us.
Michelle placed a hand on Landon's back, rubbing gently as she replied, "Hey Bryn. How've you been holding up?"
Landon didn't picked his head up from my shoulder, his shy side taking over as Michelle and I talked. Vladimir standing impatiently by Michelle, bouncing on the balls of his feet and looking through the full wall sliding glass doors on the other side of the living room. From here you could see the guys out by the pool in swim trunks and Lacey in her bathing suit, laughing as Johnny and Zacky tried to push each other into the deep end of the water.
I swallowed, tearing my gaze away from the man of the day, and turned back to Michelle as she called my name.
"I've been better," I murmured, my mood drooping from nervousness to sheer anguish in a matter of seconds.
Michelle nodded, "Of course,"
Vladimir sighed, trying to get our attention and I gave him that much as I looked at the pale-headed boy.
"Yes Vladimir?" I questioned in a bored tone, smirking to Michelle as she smiled at me, rolling her eyes playfully at the little boy.
"Can we go out side, yet?" Vladimir pleaded, his tone choppy and short. I pretended to think about it only to laugh when my oldest son let out a groan.
"Yeah," I said after Michelle's and my own laughter died down, "Lets go," I motioned to the glass door and Vladimir grumbled, "Finally!" before he took off towards the doors, pulling one open and racing outside cheerfully.
I followed after him with Michelle beside as we walked through the door way. Vladimir had already thrown himself into the pool, grinning from the shallow end with his shirt laying on the cement above him.
"Don't you dare go out any farther!" I called as Vlad began to try and swim to his uncles from where they pushed each other at the other end.
"I'm not!" Vlad whined at me with a pout on his face.
"Mhm," I murmured to myself, "Sure,"

I waved at Lacey and followed Michelle over to Brian and Matt who stood by the grill.
"Hey guys," I greeted, a giant grin on my face as Landon nestled his own against my neck again.
"Hey," Both Brian and Matt said back. Although Brian's attention was more focused on Michelle as he wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her deeply on the mouth.
I rolled my eyes and shifted so that Landon wasn't slipping from my arms.
Matt chuckled, noticing as my eyes rolled in my head and he said, "Yeah," Agreeing with me.
I smiled at Matt contently as Landon looked up at the sound of his fathers voice. A breath-taking smile took over Landon's face when he saw Matt standing to the left of us. Landon reached out to Matt, making the identical dimples appear on the older man as well as he pulled our son into his arms.
"Hey, kid," Matt greeted and Landon waved, resting his head down on Matt's broad shoulder, his little arms wrapped around the tattooed man's neck.
I held the smile back and told Matt, "He doesn't talk much. Unlike," I jerked my thumb towards the pool, "That one, who doesn't know the meaning of the word quiet,"
Matt laughed, heartily then said, "I've noticed,"
I grinned and nodded, "But they're close. They side with the other when I'm mad at one of them, even if it has nothing to do with them,"
"Brothers stick together," Matt murmured, not realizing that those three words could make my breathing stop and my body freeze.
When I could finally felt like I could speak again, I didn't want to risk it so I just nodded. I followed Matt's gaze to the pool and noticed that everyone was in the pool but Michelle who was smoothing her shirt down over her stomach again and again, focusing intently on the black thread of Brian's Iron Maiden T'shirt.
"I'll be right back," I said to Matt, not even looking at him before I walked over to where Michelle was laying down on a pool chair. I took a seat in the one next to her and she glanced up at me from the trance she was in, putting a huge grin on her face and pushing her multi-colored hair from her face.
"What's up?" She asked, noticing my intense stare.
I just tilted my head to the side and looked between her and Brian, who was in the pool with a stupid grin on his face as he dunked Vladimir under water and then pulled him out and over his right shoulder.
"How long?" I asked, looking back to a stunned Michelle.
"What?" She stuttered then bit her lip, not meeting my gaze.
I rolled my eyes at her fake oblivious tone, "How long have you known that you have a little Brian growing inside of you?"
Michelle looked at me in shock. Her hands shooting down to her stomach, instinctively.
"'Chelle, I've gone through that," I grinned, laughing lightly.
"Twice," We both murmured at the same time and my chuckled busted into full out laughing, catching the attention of everyone in the pool and Matt.
"What's so funny?" Johnny called from the pool, his arms wrapped around his girlfriend, where he stood next to Brian who was just about to throw my 47 pound little boy past the three foot line, where he knew Vladimir couldn't reach.
"Brian's face if he throws Vladimir past where he is standing,"
The guys 'oohed' as Brian turned around the other way and threw Vladimir into the shallow end, sending me an innocent smile as I rolled me eyes.
"You've got to teach me how to do that," Michelle laughed, nodding her head.
"I will," I promised, "But it'll be harder to get him to listen because it'll be his kid and he changed the diapers and yada yada yada," I trailed off as Michelle soaked in the information I was telling her.
Michelle looked over to my younger son as he and Matt climbed into the cool water, Landon screeching and clinging to his father as the cold water hit his back.
"Is that what happened with Matt and the boys?" Michelle questioned when she realized that Matt was far away that he wouldn't be able to accidentally over hear our conversation.
I laughed at the memories flooded back to me of all the times that Matt had gotten defensive about what I would and wouldn't let him do with our sons.
"Oh yes," I giggled, "It was horrible sometimes. Matt had it stuck in his head that since they were the sons of M. Shadows that they could take anything and he tried to take Vladimir on that bungee jumping ride when we went to the Wisconsin Dells last year. They both pouted for days after I said no,"
Michelle and I were racked with laughter at the thought of a 28 year old man and his identical counterpart sulking around the house.
"I hope that Syn doesn't try anything crazy like that. He'll get his ass beat,"
I laughed again with a shrug and looked to the seven people in the pool.

Landon was still in Matt's arms as Vladimir cowered behind the built man, peaking out to splash Zacky who stood in front of him, splashing him back constantly. After a minute Matt called for Zacky to surrender, already. Zacky scoffed and splashed Matt in the face. Matt ended up twisting around quickly to shield Landon from the pellets of water and leaning over to pull Vladimir against him as both little boys screeched in laughter.

I looked to Michelle slowly and saw the small smile on her face. Feeling my eyes on her, she tore her gaze away from they guys, mostly Brian, and grinned at me.
"They are as adorable together as always," She chimed, a melodic laugh coming after her sentence and I nodded, wiping the slight moisture from my own eyes before I could start crying happy tears.
"Hey!" Johnny called from the grill, and I tilted my head, not noticing him hop out of the pool, "Syn, you ass! You forgot about the food!"
Brian flipped him off and pulled himself out of the pool. He trotted, dripping wet, over to the big black grill and shoved Johnny out of the way.
"Hey!" Brian yelled a minute later with a smirk on his face, "Foods done!"