Just Traveling Through

The days had melted away and the wedding was in a little over 36 hours. I wasn’t sure if I had become numb because of the fact that I was getting married or because Eric was still here, his words reverberating in my mind every time I looked at him.

“I say to hell with that American bloke,” Vanessa declared.

I sighed as I watched Dana, the seamstress, fix Vanessa’s hem for the hundredth time. This girl couldn’t stand still and with all of her dramatic outbursts about Eric it was no wonder her dress wasn’t finished by now.

“I can’t exactly forget about him,” I said.

“Like hell you can’t,” she said sternly.

I sighed again, especially loudly when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I was slouching terribly in my chair, my white dress puffed all around me. My hair was a downright mess of a bun, strands sticking out all over the place. I looked tired with the dark circles under my eyes and the lack of color in my cheeks.

“He’s the father of my baby,” I reminded her.

“Oi,” Dana cried, giving Vanessa’s legs a slight shove. “If you keep moving I’ll feed your dress to the dingoes and you’ll go nekked.”

I laughed softly, shaking my head to myself. Dana was from London but tried so hard to fit in like she was born and bred an Australian. And the funny thing is that Vanessa was more American than I was even though she had never been outside of Australia.

“Speaking of,” Vanessa said calmly, glaring downward at Dana. “Where is Ryder?”

“With Eric,” I replied dryly. “Myles had to go do some things with his best men, so Eric and John offered to watch him.”

“I think Eric is the one for you, Millie,” Dana said. “I mean, he followed you all the way here. That’s got to mean something.”

“Yeah, it means he has money and a lot of time on his hands,” Vanessa rolled her eyes.

“He told me he’s going to interrupt the wedding,” I said softly, speaking it aloud for the first time. “He’s not going to let me marry Myles.”

“See?” Dana squealed. “He’s so romantic sounding.”

Vanessa gave her the most horrified look I’d ever seen in my life. “That’s not romantic, that’s downright rude. I say we kick him out of the country. Or give him faulty directions to the wedding.”

Dana rolled her eyes at Vanessa. “What’s keeping you from going back to him, Amelia? The fact that you’re getting married?”

“I mean..”

Dana continued as if I had never started to speak. “You even said you slept with him while you were home. You clearly have feelings for him. And he is the father of Ryder, that’s a huge connection right there. He wants you, Amelia, and he wants Ryder. You have the chance to be a family, a real family.”

Vanessa sighed inwardly. “You’re going about it all wrong. Ryder has only known Myles as his daddy. What’s going to happen to him if Amelia up and moves him to the States and in with some strange guy?”

As the two went back and forth, arguing their sides, I couldn’t help but tune them out. I pulled out my phone and scrolled through my contacts until I reached Eric’s name; I clicked it, opened a new text, and asked him to meet me for lunch. He texted right back, asking if he should bring Ryder and John along with him. I replied yes and left it at that.

“Can we please finish these last touches? I have to run soon,” I said as I stood from my chair.

Vanessa quickly stepped off the pedestal, allowing me to step up onto it. While she went into the back to change into her clothes again, I smiled down at Dana. She must have gathered what I had meant by the smile because she grinned back and I noticed her little hands speed up.

I called Eric as soon as I was out of earshot of Dana and Vanessa. I told him where to meet me and that I’d be waiting outside. He kept trying to ask if I was okay, if something had happened, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him over the phone. I couldn’t bring myself to say anything to him when they got there, either. Instead, I took Ryder from him and went inside.

“What’s going on, Mills?” John asked. “You’re kind of scaring us.”

I felt a lump form in my throat and tears well in my eyes. “If I move back with you, Eric, what’s going to happen?”

He was visibly shocked. “What do you mean?”

“What’s going to happen? Are Ryder and I going to move into your dad’s house? Are you and I going to get our own apartment? I need to know these things.”

Eric looked to John for help but John was so shocked he hadn’t blinked. “I- I dunno, Amelia. I can’t make you any promises if this isn’t going to happen.”

I closed my eyes. “I’m not going to tell Ryder the truth unless you can promise me our future will be better than what I have promised for Ryder right now.”

“Okay, okay,” he said slowly, thinking things over. “Assuming you do come home with me, we’d have to live with my dad for a while until we could find our own place. Let’s be honest, I have no reason to move out of my dad’s so I have no other living arrangement lined up.”

“And your tours?” I asked skeptically.

“I don’t know,” he said softly. “I can’t promise I’d be able to take both of you with me because right now the band is still touring in a van. We go on long tours sometimes and sometimes we don’t. But Amelia, I can promise you this: I will die a little bit each time I have to leave you guys and I will be yearning to come home each and every minute of the day until the tour is over. I’ve barely gotten to know Ryder but he’s so much like me already at this young age. I can teach him so many things I know Myles can’t, because he doesn’t understand. Ryder has never met me before but he does the same things I did when I was little. How can someone else raise a child they know nothing about?”

I looked over at Ryder. John had realized the conversation wasn’t meant for Ryder to hear and was distracting him by coloring on a placemat with him.

“I want us to be a family,” I whispered sadly. “I want him to be with his real dad. No matter how much I love Myles, I’ve wanted Ryder to be held by you since the day he was born.”

“The only thing stopping that from happening is you,” Eric reminded me. “You’re his mother, Amelia. You know what’s best for him more than any other person in the world.”

I may have known what was right for Ryder but I had no idea what was right for me and that was the part keeping me from making any decisions.