Just Traveling Through

I had spent all day with my family, celebrating the fact that I was getting married. My father warmed up to the news quite fast, considering he was a traditionalist who would rather have the man in question ask his permission first. We had all gone shopping and out to dinner. It was just after 9:30 when we got home and my parents had gone straight to bed. Missie had requested that we drop her off at her friend’s house, which left me sitting alone in the living room, waiting for Eric to show up. He wouldn’t let me back out of attending John’s party tonight.

He walked right into the house without knocking and dragged me up off the couch. He looked me over for a moment, taking in the dress I had on and the new shoes I had bought earlier in the day. He smiled in approval and ushered me outside to his car. The ride was silent and I could feel a tension building up.

“What’s that?” Eric asked, grabbing for my hand as we walked up the sidewalk to John’s front door.

“What does it look like?” I replied sharply and swung my hand away from him.

We had just gotten to John’s party. The house was filled with people I couldn’t recognize no matter how hard I tried but I suppose that was the price I had to pay for leaving right before his band hit it big. I made my way into the kitchen to make myself a drink. Eric, of course, followed at my heels.

“What do you mean, ‘what does it look like?’ How can you honestly even feel right wearing that now after everything?” he asked incredulously.

“After what? Kissing you?” I dared. “Eric, we didn’t last for a reason.”

“Yeah, that reason being you ran away to Australia,” he argued.

“Are we really going to fight right now?” I sighed, handing him a red plastic cup with his favorite drink already mixed in it.

“This isn’t a fight,” he said. “We don’t fight. We never fought before.”

I kissed his cheek softly. “This is my life now, Eric. I came home to let everyone know about it.”

“Let us know about what?” I heard from behind us. I turned my head slightly and John came into view. His eyebrow was raised as he examined the scene in front of him.

“I’m getting married,” I told him. The reaction from him was more than I expected. He practically tossed his drink onto the counter so he could wrap his arms around me and lift me off the ground.

“Congrats!” he exclaimed in my ear. He squeezed the air from my lungs and set me down right before I felt like passing out. As my lungs filled with oxygen again, he turned to Eric. “Why didn’t you mention anything, Halvo? I had no idea you were thinking about-”

“Wait,” I interjected. “I’m not marrying Eric.”

John’s face fell and he looked back and forth between Eric and me. Eric grunted “Good job, Amelia,” before he took the drink I had made him and disappeared into the party.

“I just thought..” John started but his voice trailed off. “You two were holding hands the other day when you showed up.”

I sighed. “I know. But that was just a lapse in judgment. Being home has brought up so many emotions I thought I had lost when I left.”

John nodded. “I suppose that would happen after leaving everything behind so suddenly.”

We stood side by side for a bit, watching the people swarm his house. We heard a few things crash to their death but he made no move to find out what had happened. I was almost afraid to move until he said something else.

“I’m happy for you, Mill,” he finally spoke and turned to look me in the eye. “I was just thinking about how close you and Halvo were before you left. You know, we all thought he’d be the one, so to hear that he isn’t that person is kind of shocking. But this guy, the one you’re marrying, he has to be… He’s lucky.”

I smiled at his attempt to make sense of it. I admit it wasn’t easy to take in. He was right, after all. Eric and I were always together and it was pretty much written in the stars that we were going to end up married.

“Am I invited?” he asked suddenly.

“John,” I laughed, shaking my head slightly. “As if I’d come home, drop the news, and leave before-”

I stopped short. I would have done that. Hell, I already had up and left before, who would be naive enough to think I’d stick around again?

“Mill,” John said softly and I almost missed it over the thumping music.

“I really hurt him, didn’t I?” I asked helplessly.

“I think you need to see something,” John said, draping an arm over my shoulders before leading me upstairs. He guided me down the familiar hallway to his bedroom and lightly pushed the door open. I looked around for a moment; everything was essentially the same and in the same spots, too.

“What am I looking for?” I asked dumbly when I couldn’t find anything unusual.

“The hole,” Eric’s voice echoed into the room.

“Hole?” I repeated, turning slightly. He walked into the room, past John and me, and pushed a dresser to the side a few inches. When he stepped away, I saw the huge dent in the wall. “You did that, Eric?”

“When you left, I was so pissed off,” he said as he sat on the edge of John’s bed.

John gave me a little push toward Eric before he backed out of the room and closed the door behind him. I slowly sat next to him and waited for him to continue.

“I thought, you know, wow I really messed up this time,” he explained. “Like, I finally had this amazing girl who would always be there for me, someone that could finally understand me and read me like a book. I had everything when I had you. I had no idea what I did to mess up so badly that you had to move away and never speak to me again.”

“I’m so sorry,” I apologized under my breath, my eyes cast down. I couldn’t bare to look at him.

“When your parents told me you left, I think I called you every five minutes for a good two days straight. The third day is when I came here, still dazed. John asked why you weren’t with me and I snapped inside. I punched his wall so hard, I left that stupid dent.”

I sat silently and chewed my lip. I was so over this town that I didn’t care who I hurt by leaving. I never imagined I could hurt someone that much. If that thought had crossed my mind, I never would have left.

“Why did you really leave?” he asked.

“I already told you,” I croaked.

“I know,” he whispered and swallowed hard. He sounded broken and I yearned to fix him. “I know you said those girls hurt you. But that was high school, Amelia. Why did you wait all summer, then leave right before you started college in the fall?”

I felt my heart swelling with emotion and my eyes burned. I wrung my hands continuously in my lap until I felt the warm tears streak down my cheeks. I didn’t get a chance to answer; his lips were pressed to mine and his fingers gently brushed away my tears. I scooted closer to him and wrapped my arms around his neck as his hands dipped to my waist.

I didn’t know what caused me to do it but I tugged his shirt off over his head. He pulled away from me completely, his hands resting anxiously in his lap and his eyes burning with questions. I unzipped the dress and waited for his reaction. After a few seconds his hands had greedily worked the dress off and had pulled me into the bed in a whirl of clothing and sheets.

Every bone in my body was telling me not to do this but for some reason my mind was telling me this was the only way to make amends. This was the only way to fix the boy I loved and left for dead.