Somehow Saving You

“Cat, stop biting your nails,” Brian scowled. I reluctantly pulled my hand away from my mouth to grasp my knee that was still bouncing. He didn’t like that either, but left me alone. Yet another day has come that I am nervous as fuck about: first day of recording.

For the past few days we sat huddled in Matt’s basement deciding on what notes might be better if we tweaked them this way or that way, what lyrics were unclear or strange. Just things like that. We were doing stuff that was made for the recording studio before we even reached the recording studio. Jimmy made me toss in his two cents which were “my ideas” for the group. They thought that it must just be a ‘Sullivan thing’ for amazing ideas. I always just smile meekly.

“Cat!” My head snapped up to see we were parked in front of a studio. Zack had my door open and was giving me a worried stare with Brian right behind him. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I lied as I climbed out of the car. I was far from fine. You know that saying that when you get nervous your stomach gets butterflies? Well mine were more like angry bats out of hell trying to rip through my lower stomach. I guess it’s a Sullivan thing to think very twisted too. Matt led the way inside with the other four of us trailing behind him. As soon as we walked through the building’s door we were in a sitting room with a fridge in the corner.

“Hey guys. And girl.” I looked up from the ground to see some guy sitting in a seat in front of some studio thing with knobs, levers, and switches further in the room. I can’t remember what they’re truly called. All I know if they help record, tweak, and edit music they record. He stood, shaking everyone’s hand.

“Cat, this is Mike Elizondo. He is the producer for our album,” Brian introduced as we shook hands. He smiled at me which made me nervously smile back.

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” Mike stated as he pulled back his hand.

“You too.” I sat on one of the couches as the guys began to all talk and set up their instruments. We all had decided to start with ‘Nightmare’. The song was scheduled to be released at the end of this week for a single. The stupid manager said we had to. Luckily it was Sunday so we had until Friday to finish it.

“Let’s start with the lead guitar. Johnny, you can go with Fred in the other room to get the bass lines tracked,” Mike said, jutting his head towards the backroom. Johnny nodded before picking his bass up and heading into said room. Brian plopped down next to Mike and showed him the sheet music. I guess we weren’t wasting time. I laid down on my back with my feet stretched out across the sofa. Why did I have to get up at seven if I wasn’t going to do anything?

“Bored I guess?” I turned my head to see Matt with his arms behind his head on the chair next to me. His aviators were over his eyes so I couldn’t tell what he was doing.

“Big time,” I replied, a yawn coating my ‘time’. He chuckled, resting one foot on his other knee.

“Get used to it. We usually do lead guitar, bass, rhythm guitar, then drums. I get bored the most because I have to do the singing last. Usually I fuck with the guys while they’re getting their shit tracked. Like this.” He picked up a pillow from the floor and tossed it at Brian’s head.

“Fuck!” Brian snapped around to glare at Matt angrily.

“It was her,” Matt whined, pointing at me.

“Nu uh! It was Zacky!” I argued, jutting a finger at Zack who had just came back from the restroom.

“No way! It was Matt!” Zacky shouted. Brian flipped us all off before turning back to Mike and starting from the beginning. I let out another yawn and turned onto my side. I felt something getting thrown at me which made it black. I took it, which I discovered to be a hoodie, off to glare at Zacky.

“What was that for?” I demanded.

“For a pillow Ms. I’m gunna bite someone’s head off,” Zacky remarked.

“Oh. Thanks.” I wrapped it in a ball before placing my head down. Soon I fell asleep to Brian playing his guitar and Matt and Zacky quietly talking.

- Time Lapse -

“Caaaat.” I groaned, swatting at the person shaking me. Deep chuckling filled my ears as someone shook me again. I finally cracked my eyes open to see Brian knelt in front of me.

“What do you want Haner?” I moaned, closing my eyes again.

“Hey, hey. You need to wake up. It’s time for the drum track.” My eyes snapped open and I gave Brian a horrified looked. His eyes softened and he formed a small smile. “C’mon Cat, you can do it.”

“If you say so,” I muttered. Brian kissed my forehead before helping me to my feet. I swayed at first, almost falling to the floor if Brian had not caught me. I smiled sheepishly at him which caused him to chuckle.

“Get in there and kick some ass, aight?” I slightly nodded before walking into one of the rooms. It was a massive room (to me) packed with a drum kit. Microphones were set up here and there for catching everything. My heartbeat began to speed up as I walked to sit behind the kit. I eased onto the stool, staring at the two-way mirror. I could feel all the guys on the other side watching me, including Fred and Mike.

“Okay, just take your time and play whenever you feel ready.” I nodded to let Mike know I heard. I picked up the light brown pieces of wood, collecting my thoughts. I looked at the sheet music I had drawn up that rested on the stand on the other side of the drums. It was then I realized I had headphones to heard the other guys’ tracks, minus Matt of course.

“Play the track?” I called softly. I heard a click before the instruments kicked in. I listened for a little while before calling for them to cut. I took a deep breath before shakily calling out, “Go.”

I began to play and winced when I heard mistakes I made. I finally stopped half way through, tossing my drumsticks at the glass. Luckily nothing cracked except one of the sticks. I tossed off my headphones and made them hit the door. I stood to my feet and stormed out the door, making it hit the wall behind me.

“What’s the matter Cat?” Brian asked, placing hands on my shoulders.

“I can’t do this! Jimmy would have been able to nail this first try! I can’t deal with my brother dying, my baby dying, and then trying to make a fucking album no one wants me on! I just want to crawl in my hole for four more months and hope the world kept turning!” I screamed. I ran outside, snagging Brian’s keys without him noticing, and climbed into his car. I quickly started up before backing out and speeding down the street. Brian tried running after me, but I quickly lost him. I blinked back the tears that burned my eyes.

“I’m sorry Jimmy. I can’t handle this,” I whispered. I felt a hand on my shoulder, but ignored him. I need someone I knew I could count on to not judge me by my feelings. And I knew just who to talk to.