Somehow Saving You

I sighed, slumping over. I was back in the place my heart didn’t feel comfortable at anymore. Behind the drum kit in my basement. I had changed into my own clothes now, the guys were still upstairs, and the TV played the football game. I stared at the sticks like they were foreign objects in my hand.

“Are you going to do this or not?” Jimmy sighed. He sat on the stool on the other side of the drum kit. I glared at him which made him shut up. We had a promise. He had tried to teach me ‘A Little Piece Of Heaven’ a few months ago. I didn’t really pay attention since my mind was somewhere else. In other words, my then boyfriend. Jimmy believes I can play the thing without even being taught. I call bullshit.

”Fine! If you honest to God try and it doesn’t sound even remotely like the song, I’ll leave you alone. I’ll agree to let Mike do everything. If you do make it sound like it, which you will, you have to tell them you want to take my spot.”

Seeing as I knew it was impossible, I agreed. Now I was just getting cold feet about performing for him in general. I had done it umpteen many times, but I just was nervous as hell. When I performed before I knew how to play the song, I practiced five million times. He didn’t even give me sheet music. I knew the whole drum line, I just needed to ‘relax and let my body do it’. Or that’s what Jimmy said.

“Come on baby girl, you can do this,” Jimmy encouraged. I took a deep breath before letting my eyes slide shut. I began to think of the line, mouthing the lyrics. Once I got halfway through I went back to the beginning, hitting the symbols and drums. After eight minutes I finally looked up from my drumming rage. There not only stood Jimmy, but also Brian, Zacky, Matt, and Johnny. Blush crept up my face.

“Cat?” I placed my drumsticks down and looked to my converse. I began to play with a string on my pants that was unraveling. I felt someone come up and hug me around the shoulders. Is it sad that just by seeing the shoes I knew who it was? I thought so. Johnny pulled me to my feet and led me upstairs. Soon I was being placed on one of my couches, the television getting silenced. When I finally looked up Johnny and Brian sat on either side of me while Zacky and Matt sat on the other couch. Jimmy stood behind the other couch, watching me intently.

“Hey guys,” I chuckled nervously. I continued on that poor thread as everyone continued to just stare. My mind was panicking in the silence. I began to bounce my leg and bite my lip. “Someone say something!”

“What was all that about Cat? You never go near drums anymore. Nether the less play our songs. What’s going on?” Matt spoke up. I looked back down at my legs. The string came off in my hand and I dropped it on the floor. I watched it float down before looking back up. Jimmy had his shit-eating grin on his face.

“You played it exactly as I played it Cat. You have to tell them,” Jimmy sang. I sighed and looked back at my legs. After a minute of silence I looked up at Matt.

“I want to take Jimmy’s place in the band.” As soon as the sentence left my mouth I wanted to grab it and take it back. Play off that it must have been just the wind. All of them looked shocked and slightly hurt. I looked at my legs yet again and twiddled my fingers. This was stupid.

“Ca-Cat. What do you mean?” Brian asked quietly. I bit my lip harshly, almost drawing blood. I could feel it rush right below the skin, just waiting to get release.

“I-I want to play for Jimmy in the band,” I rephrased. It fell silent, but I was too terrified to look up and see their faces. Especially Brian. It must have been a family gene or something. Me and Jimmy’s bestest best friend was Brian. He was our brother and we were his brother and sister.

“Why do you want to Cat?” Johnny asked quietly. I sighed deeply, unshed tears burning the back of my eyes. I blinked rapidly and hoped they wouldn’t fall. I didn’t need to start crying in front of these men right now. I contemplated my answer for about three minutes before speaking up.

“I think- I think Jimmy would want that. He’s idolized Mike and all, but I’m his sister. If he wanted something personal for this album he would rather have me play. I know it’s out there and random, but I feel like it’s my duty to give him justice by me playing this album. And maybe continue with this band. He wouldn’t want you four to quit.”

It was absolutely silent again. It was nerve racking to say the least. Tension filled the air and no one was sure what to say. I peeked up only to see the group still looking quite hurt. Two tears dripped from my eyes. I stood and headed to my front door.

“Where are you going Cat?” Brian called as my hand was placed on the doorknob. I took a deep breath before quietly replying.

“I’m going for a walk. Obviously there is some talking that needs to be done.” I thanked God my voice didn’t crack. I walked out my door, shutting it silently. I began to walk down the street, automatically heading for the pier. Unlike the guys, I didn’t have a house right on the beach. Living alone didn’t offer a good reason to bother getting a house on the beach. I need a fucking dog.

“So how are they reacting Jimmy?” I asked quietly. He had fallen in step with me after five minutes. His eyes were on the waves that I sat staring too. I was at the very end of the pier that extended over the ocean. It was the place I’d come to think for the pass ten years.

“They….Well, they don’t know what to think baby girl.” I sighed putting my face in my hands.

“That was the stupidest thing I could have done Jimmy. Yeah I’m like their sister, but I can’t replace their brother. My brother. I shouldn’t have said anything. They’re going to hate me because I want to replace you!” I sobbed pathetically. He sighed before sitting down. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me sideways to his chest. One leg was wrapped around my back while the other sat propped up in front of me.

“Catherine Sullivan, those men could never hate you. If they could then they’re not the men I know. You didn’t do anything wrong. You spoke how you felt. If we didn’t do that our band would have gotten nowhere in this world. You did nothing wrong,” he emphasized. I sighed, leaning into his touch.

“Then why does my heart feel like I betrayed them?” I whispered. To that Jimmy had nothing to say. We just sat there, watching the waves crash on the beach.