I Saw Your Heart as It Overtook Me

I sat there in my wheel chair waiting for the elevator doors to close when my eyes caught with Matt's. I felt my heart drop slightly before the anger took back over and thankfully the doors closed before I said threw some more harsh words in his direction. I knew I had hurt both him and my brother what with the words I had said but honestly, they were the ones that hurt me to begin with. I was only telling my brother the truth when I said if it weren't for him I wouldn't have been in that stupid cab to begin with.

I bit my lip and winced a bit, remembering that it was busted open. I sniffed back some tears and tried my hardest not to think about this being one of the worse days of my life. I felt a warm hand on my own and looked over to see that Johnny had grabbed a hold of my 'good' hand

"Shh, you guys will work everything out." He said softly, gently wiping away a random tear that had fallen without my permission.

I frowned to myself and shrugged my shoulders a little, causing Johnny to frown a little as well. The elevator finally got to the fifth floor and the nurse pushed me off towards some room.

"Alright ma'am." The nurse said as we walked into an empty patient's room. "I'm gonna go get your charts real fast, but in the meantime if you can get yourself settled up here on the bed. Then when I come back we can get you all fixed up."

He gave me a quick, reassuring smile and took off, leaving just me and Johnny in the room. Johnny helped me to my feet and gently picked me up, setting me down on the bed. When he saw that I was still struggling to hold back the tears he placed a hand on the side of my face, and started caressing my cheek with his thumb.

"Johnny, I fucking hate them." I sniffed.

"Shh, no you don't, hun." He said softly.

"But yes I do." I cried. "They didn't even believe me when I said that coke wasn't mine. My own brother didn't believe me a-and do you k-know what M-Matt said?"

"Shh, don't worry about anything he said, Lauren." Johnny cooed, wrapping his arms gently around my shoulders.

"B-But he didn't e-even say anything." I cried, clutching onto him. "He's supposed to say something, he's my b-boyfriend."

"Shh, please, don't cry Lauren." Johnny whispered. "I know it hurts when the ones you love seem like they've ... 'abandoned' you or whatever. But your brother and Matt still love you, despite that they've said ... or haven't said for that matter."

"But why didn't Matt just saying something? Anything? He's supposed to stand by me no matter what."

"Believe me hun, he regrets that he just let you walk out of the bus without even trying to stop you. He's been mentally kicking himself in the ass ever since we got the call from the hospital."

"Johnny I don't know." I cried. "I don't know about us sometimes."

"What do you mean?"

"I-I mean ... sometimes I feel like he doesn't really trust me, and ... I don't know. It bugs the fuck out of me."

"Lauren." Johnny sighed. "I know that it's hard to understand the way Matt thinks and he may give off some misleading impressions, but of course he trusts you. I mean, he wouldn't have given you that promise ring for nothin' now, would he?"

I pulled away from him a little and looked up at him.

"Come on Lauren." Johnny smiled, wiping the tears away. "I'm not exactly blind you know. I see you pulling it out and admiring it from time to time." He teased.

As much as I tried not to, I felt a little smile starting to cross my lips.

"So ... you wanna tell me about it?" Johnny asked, nudging me slightly.

"Well ... I don't know." I blushed. "Matt gave it to me when we went back home for Christmas and he said no matter what he promised to make all my dreams come true."
Johnny gave me a goofy grin and giggled a little.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing." He grinned. "its just that you look so innocent when you blush and well, it's just kinda cute what Matt said to you ... in a weird way I suppose. Anyway, like I said babe, Matt loved you with all his heart. And yeah, he may act strange from time to time but eh, he's just an oddball like that, you know."

"Ha, I think oddball is an understatement." I mumbled.

"Well, for what its worth, Matt never breaks his promises, Lauren. If he promised to do something, then you know you can count on him to do it. Aight?"

I laughed a little and nodded my head.

"Aight." I smiled, wrapping my arms around Johnny's shoulders to give him a hug. "Thank you Johnny."

I whispered into his ear.

"For what?" He asked cluelessly.

"For being my butt buddy and making me realize how dumb I've been."

"Lauren, you haven't been dumb. Honestly if it were me, I'd be pissed at the two for at least three weeks." He said sincerely. "But, you're welcome for being your butt buddy and cheering you up."

I laughed a bit and reached over to give him a little kiss on the cheek, just as the door opened up behind us.

"Oh, er, sorry, I'll be right back." The nurse said hurriedly and shut the door quickly behind him.

I pulled away from Johnny and gave him a funny look before realizing what made the nurse so uneasy. With Johnny resting between my legs and my arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders, it was very easy indeed to mistake my little peck on the cheek for something more.

"Well, er ... now that we've scared my nurse away, can you do me one more favor?" I asked, laughing a little.

"Go get your Mattie for you?" He smirked.

I nodded my head.

"Will do my little butt buddy."

"Shut up." I laughed as Johnny took off towards the door.

I sighed a little to myself and took a look around the empty room, thinking about all that Johnny had just told me. I guess I must have spaced off because before I knew it, my nurse had come back and was halfway done with my stitches. I glanced at the clock in the room and saw that it had been forty-five minutes since Johnny had taken off to find Matt. You would think Matt would be here by now ... right?

Seeing as how I'm not too optimistic, a zillion thoughts started to run through my head. What if he didn't want to see me now? What if he didn't want to hear my apology? I mean, I wouldn't even lie him speak earlier when he tried to apologize to me. So what if he was now going to do the same to me what I tried to apologize to him?

I should have known better than to snap on Matt and Zacky like I did earlier. Fuck, I always let my temper get the best of me, damn it.

As the minutes ticked by, I could help but feel more and more like crap. Before long the nurse put the last stitch on my arm and helped me into my wheel chair. He was telling me how to clean my stitches and keep them from getting infected but I wasn't paying attention to him. I was too busy feeling sorry for my pathetic self.

"So, I'll take you back downstairs, get you discharged, and we'll have you on your way." The nurse said as he started to wheel me to the door.

"Okay." I mumbled as we headed out into the hallway.

About ten minutes later I was alls et to go and was being wheeled out into the waiting room. I spotted my party instantly and vice versa as soon as we got through the door. My brother looked nervously at me and I gave him a weak smile, letting him know that I forgave him.

I looked around at them all as they rushed over to see my and felt my heart drop for what must have been the hundredth time today. Of everybody in the waiting room, there seemed to be someone missing. I'll give you two guess as to who it was.

"W-where's Matt?" I asked, hoping my voice sounded casually but knew I had failed miserably at it because it came out extremely shaky.

Zacky looked at me and bit his lip as he took my hand in his, squeezing it tightly.

"Well ... actually ... we don't know where he went." He said quietly.

"When I told him you wanted to talk to him he said he didn't want to and took off like a fucking douche bag." Johnny said softly, giving me a sympathetic look.

I let out a long sigh and looked down at my stupid air cast. Why the fuck is it so difficult to tell the ones we love what we're really thinking? Why is it so hard to tell them the truth? Why must we lie and say things we don't fucking mean? Is it because we're afraid to tell the truth? Afraid because the other might not like the truth once we tell it?

Whatever it is, it had to stop before it fucked Matt and us over in our relationship ... that is if it hasn't already.