Hopeless Hearts

I woke up suddenly, not yet aware of where I was. I opened my eyes and realized I was lying on top of a sleeping Gerard on the couch in his basement. I tried to get up but couldn’t because Gerard had his arms wrapped around me.

“Gerard,” I said, hoping to wake him up.

“Hm?” he replied, still mostly asleep.

“Let go of me so I can get up,” I said.

He loosened his arms and I was able to get up. Then I grabbed Gerard’s arm and tried to pull him up. He opened his eyes and looked at me groggily.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Trying to get you up,” I replied, still pulling on his hand. “You should go sleep in your own room.”

“Fine,” he sighed. “I don’t see why it matters.”

Gerard got up and followed me to the basement door. I unlocked it and stepped into the house.

“Bye Gerard,” I said, heading to the front door.

“Mmhmm,” mumbled Gerard, stumbling upstairs to his room.

I was walking past the kitchen when something made me stop. I looked and saw that Frank was sitting at the table, smoking and watching me. I glared at him and kept walking to the front door as Frank stood up, putting his cigarette out.

“Claire!” he called. “Will you let me explain?”

I turned quickly to him as I reached the front door.

“Explain!” I yelled. “Explain what? You cheated on me. You don’t pick me up then you cheat on me!”

“Claire, I didn’t mean-“ started Frank.

“Don’t start with the lame excuses,” I said. “There is not one good excuse in all the world that would help you.”

I opened the front door and ran outside to my car. I got in quickly. As soon as I pulled away from Gerard’s house I started to cry. When I got home I went up to my room and flung myself on my bed. I lay there for most of the day, just crying and staring at my ceiling. It hurt so much to think of what Frank had done.

I heard the phone ringing somewhere in my house for the millionth time. I decided to answer it. I stared at the phone, hoping it wasn’t Frank. I picked it up, and luckily it was Gerard.

“Hey Claire,” Gerard said when I answered. “How you holding up?”

“Not so good,” I said.

“Aww. Do you want to come over to my house?” asked Gerard.

I thought for a moment then said, “Sure. But Frank’s not there is he?”

“No,” said Gerard.

“Ok,” I said. “I’ll be over in a few minutes.”

I went back to my room and ran my brush through my hair then went out to my car and went to Gerard’s house. I knocked on the door and Gerard answered quickly and pulled me inside.

“So,” said Gerard. “Do you want to talk about it?”

I shook my head. “It hurts too much. I just wish I could forget all about it, but unfortunately I can’t.”

“Hold on a sec,” said Gerard. He walked into his kitchen and came back with two bottles. He held them out to me. “Which one do you want?”

I grabbed one and looked at it then back at Gerard. He winked.

“It’ll help you forget for a little while,” he said. We walked down to the basement and sat on the couch.

Gerard opened his bottle and immediately started drinking it. I opened mine and took a sip, feeling the liquid, which was obviously some sort of alcohol, burn my throat as I swallowed it. I continued drinking; each drink making me forget about the pain Frank had caused me.

After sitting for a while, drinking in silence, Gerard set his bottle down and stared at me. He moved closer to me and took the half empty bottle from me and set it with his.

“Frank’s an ass for cheating on you,” he said, pushing a loose strand of my hair behind my ear. “You’re so perfect.”

Gerard had his face close to mine and I was staring into his eyes like I would
with Frank. But they weren’t Frank’s eyes. Gerard started moving his face closer to mine and I closed my eyes, anticipating what was coming next. Gerard’s lips met mine. I didn’t want to kiss him back, but I kept thinking about what Frank had done, so I responded to Gerard’s kiss even though a voice in the back of my mind was telling me I shouldn’t. As I let Gerard’s tongue enter my mouth, a tear slipped out of my eye. Gerard pushed me back on the couch and continued to kiss me. He moved his lips off of mine and placed them at my collarbone, kissing his way up my neck and then back to my lips. By now I was really crying. I didn’t want this to happen. I moved my head to the side so that Gerard’s lips were no longer on mine.

“Gerard,” I said. “I can’t do this.”

“What?” he said. He looked at my face and saw my tears that were still coming.

He climbed off of me and stood up. I sat up then stood up as well.

“I’m sorry,” said Gerard, starting to cry a little. He came over to me and gave me a tight hug. “I’m so sorry Claire. I wasn’t thinking.”

I hugged him back.

“It’s ok,” I said. “It’s not all your fault. I should have stopped you before anything happened.”

Gerard nodded and I headed up the basement stairs.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“I’m going to see Frank,” I said.