Perfect Weapon

I was sitting in the back room of the Build For Sin tour bus; we’ve been on tour for a week now and at first the shows were hard to play without Jayden, but it was slowly starting to hurt less each time I went on stage. Everyone was so supportive of Sienna and I; everyone was willing to help us whenever we needed it which was a lot lately.

“Baby you shouldn’t let what people say get to you, she was only doing her job and you handled it the best you could” Brian told me softly as he sat behind me with me in between his legs and with his arms wrapped around my waist; Sienna and I had just gotten back from an interview where we were asked about Jay.

“I know that Brian but it’s hard, I know everyone wants to talk about Jay but I can’t talk about him in every interview that we do. I feel like if I keep talking about him and the accident, then I’m not going to be able to let him go” I said quietly as I rested my head and back on his chest; my hands were resting on his arms as I traced around his tattoos.

“I know love maybe you should give interviews a break for a while, Sienna could do them with Mike if she’s up for it” He said softly in my ear before he placed a soft kiss on my shoulder; I nodded a little as everyone knew Sienna was taking all of this better than me.

“I’ll talk to her about later, I just feel bad if she does. I mean Jay was her best friend as well, sometimes I feel guilty because I’m not handling this as well as her” I told him lightly as I relaxed my body against his; I loved being his arms and just being with him like this, I always felt so safe and loved.

“Angel don’t feel guilty, just because you’re taking this harder than Sienna isn’t your fault. Everyone has their own way of mourning, some people mourn for ages and other people take a short amount. All of this is normal” Brian told me his he entwined his fingers with mine; I knew all of that but it still didn’t stop me from feeling like that.

“I know babe but sometimes that’s how I feel, I try to reassure myself that it’s normal but it’s hard” I said softly as I rubbed my thumbs over the back of his hands; I smiled to myself when Brian lifted my hand up and placed a kiss on the back of my hand.

I loved it how Brian always knew what to do to get my mind of things like Jayden; he didn’t even have to say anything to me and yet he knew exactly what to do to comfort me. It was times like this that I knew how lucky I was to have an amazing family, wonderful friends and the most perfect boyfriend ever.

“Well I guess that’s my cue to leave then, you stop thinking like that and I’ll see you later. I love you so much angel” Brian said softly in my ear when we heard Sienna and Mike walk onto the bus; it was time to get ready for tonight’s show which meant Sienna and I had to get to work on our hair and makeup.

“I love you too and I’ll see you backstage later” I said smiling as I stood up off the couch and pulled Brian up with me; I giggled softly as he leaned down and kissed me softly as I placed my hands on his chest.

“Brian off now!” Sienna called out as she looked through her stage clothes and tried to decide what to wear tonight; I smiled kissing him once more before I gently pushed him through our bus which caused Mike to burst out laughing and Brian to playfully glare at him.

I changed into my stage clothes that I wanted to wear tonight before I somehow managed to fit in the buses tiny ass bathroom with Sienna; she reapplied her makeup while I curled my hair loosely, once we had finished that we changed and I reapplied my makeup while Sienna straightened her hair.

We could hear Mike getting himself warmed up out in the front lounge while Sienna and I warmed up our vocal cords; once the three of us were all warmed up we headed into the venue and walked straight to our dressing room where Chase was waiting for us.

20 minutes later Chase told us that it was time for us to head onto the stage; the Avenged guys and the girls all wished luck before we ran out onto the stage. I smiled to myself when I heard the fans scream and cheer when they saw us; I would never get tired of seeing the fans after all they’re the ones who allow us to do what we love.

Mike and I had been helping Selena with the merch table for the past two and a half hours; the Avenged guys had finished playing and were now probably drinking back in their dressing room.

Sienna was with Johnny as she had twisted her ankle through our performance so she was resting on the bus with ice around her ankle; she was stubborn and wanted to come see the fans with us but Johnny made her stay on the bus so she could rest her ankle.

After all the fans had last the building which took some time because Mike and I were making the fan want to talk to us; which is fine by me but Chase told us that we had to leave the venue soon so we had to say our goodbyes and thank you’s to the fans before we helped Selena pack up the merch table.

Selena asked Mike, Jason and Matt Berry to load all the merch stuff back onto the buses while she went to go find everyone; I saw Zacky taking a yawning Alli back onto the Avenged bus to most likely get some sleep so I stayed with Mike and the Berry brothers.

“Hey Ashton, I need to talk to you. It’s fucking important” I turned around when I heard my big brother’s deep pissed off voice; I watched in confusion as he stormed over to me with a serious and angry look on his face.

“Mattie, are you okay? What’s happened?” I asked him softly as he stood in front of me and placed his hands on my shoulders; his eyes softened a tiny bit once he looked down at me while I placed my hands on his forearms.

“No I’m not fucking okay Ash, you know how Val’s been acting weird the past couple of days. Well now I fucking know why, Michelle’s here. Val tells me that once Michelle’s already here, I was going to tell you before the show but I never got the chance” Matt told me as he gently pulled me into his arms and just held me as my world fell apart.

“You think Michelle’s back to try and get Brian back? He’s not that stupid, he wouldn’t leave Ash” Jason said as he tried to reassure me but everyone here knew what Michelle wanted and that was Brian; she would always believe that I stole him from her and would do anything necessary to get him back.

“That’s the only reason she’s here, she’s not here to see Val and no one else likes her. She always hated being on tour, she’s here to get Brian back but we won’t let that happen. Val’s looking for her and I’m looking for Brian” Matt told us all while I just leaned into his body more; I have no idea what on earth I had done to deserve this.

“You mean Brian’s not with you guys? The last time I saw him was when you were all heading back to the dressing room” Mike said while Matt kissed the top of my head softly; if Brian wasn’t with the guys then Michelle had most likely found him by now, and if she had then where was he?

“He was with us but then he came outside for a smoke and to see how the packing up was going, he didn’t come back so I just took it he’d found Ashie and stayed with her” Matt said softly as he pulled back from me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder; Mike agreed to come with us while the Berry brother’s had to keep packing up.

“Look Ashie, I’m sure Brian’s fine and nothing has happened. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to Brian and he knows that, you don’t have anything to worry about… oh fuck no!” Mike told me softly as the three of us walked around the back car park of the venue; what we saw next shattered my heart.

“What the fuck Brian!” Matt yelled angrily as we stared at Michelle pinning Brian to the wall; they were making out heavily while Brian moved his hands all over her body. I felt sick to my stomach as the tears rolled down my cheeks; Brian was enjoying this.

I didn’t say anything as I shook my head once Brian had stopped kissing her and looked over at us; I saw the shock and then the guilt flood his face but it was too late now, I had seen enough to know that I couldn’t trust him anymore.

I couldn’t take seeing them like that so I just turned around and ran away; I pushed myself past everyone who had formed behind us. Both bands and our crew had seen everything which made me feel even more stupid; I could hear Sienna and Mike yelling at Michelle to leave while Matt was calling my name out as he ran after me.

As soon as I was on the bus I kicked my shoes off and quickly changed into some pajamas before I climbed into my bunk; once in my bunk I burst out into tears and sobs which I honestly thought would never stop. But Matt climbed in beside me and wrapped his arms firmly around me; he let me cry into his chest while he sang to me softly and rubbed my back in comfort.

I clung onto him as I let all my tears out and refused to see anyone; well it wasn’t anyone because Mike only let himself, Chase and Sienna onto our bus. Those three knew that I would come out when I was ready; when I had stopped crying for the time begin Matt wiped my tears away and removed all my makeup for me.

My chest and heart ached in pain as the image of Michelle and Brian kept replaying over in my head; I just wanted to forget what I saw but I knew that I never was going to forget and that hurt me even more, because I knew that Brian had lost me forever.