Weak, But Not Defeated

Maddie stared out the window with a frown on her face. John laughed when he looked at her, “Something wrong, baby?”

“Las Vegas really isn’t very great… at all,” she said.

“It’s not so bad,” John said, leaning over to look out the same window she was.

“It is almost exactly like Phoenix. That’s not very exciting,” Maddie said.

“Well what did you expect?”

Maddie shrugged, “I expected the city of lights and sin to be a little bit more magnificent.”

“Awe, don’t be sad, Madds,” Kennedy said from the driver’s seat. “Caroline is coming up!”

“I do love her,” Maddie said, “Is she your girlfriend, yet?”

Maddie could see Kennedy smile in the rear view mirror, “Almost.”

She looked once more out the window. This was their last show on the tour and so far, Vegas was disappointing. California had been Maddie’s favorite by far, and the familiar yellow desert of Sin City didn’t even compare to the golden California beaches.

They eventually arrived at the House of Blues, located within Mandalay Bay Casino. Maddie sighed as she stepped out of the van. It was March and already getting warm outside, just like in Arizona.

Las Vegas was dirty. The infamous strip was cramped and small. Pictures of naked women literally covered the sidewalks that bums loitered upon. Drunks and loud tourists acted like they ran the town and it was almost hard to believe people actually lived here. The actual city was only technically about five miles long, the stretch of Las Vegas Boulevard.

But there was a metropolitan area, with suburbs just like any big city. This city was different, though. Along the Boulevard were drunken promises and ill-conceived dreams. It was surprising that Vegas boasted a high entertainment value and a seemingly impressive music scene.

It was almost disheartening when one thought about it. Millions of people came here to fulfill their dreams when in reality only so many people can pack into that short five miles.

Maddie was snapped out of her thoughts when she felt a pair of arms drape over her shoulders. She leaned against him and smiled, “Hey sleepy head.”

“Hi, sweetie,” he laughed.

Maddie pulled away when she heard his voice, “Eric, I hate you so much.”

“Oh be quiet, you love me,” he smiled. “Where is your boyfriend?”

“Here,” Garrett said as he joined them, “Hi, babe,” he said, giving her a quick kiss.

“What is everyone doing tonight? We’re in Vegas!” Eric said excitedly.

“We’re also all under twenty-one,” John commented as he joined the group.

“But we’re not!” Kyle Burns said, “We’ll help you guys out.”

Most of the boys thanked him as Maddie left to help set up merch. She was joined by John moments later as he began to help her. “So, what are you going to do tonight?”

Maddie shrugged, “Garrett and I will probably just explore. You?”

Before John could answer he was being pulled away by fans. He mouthed an apology to Maddie before giving his full attention to the girls.

“Madeline Riggs, you look hot,” she heard from behind her.

She turned to face the petite blond with her beaming smile, “Caroline!”

The show began and Maddie was glad to have Caroline help with merch. “What’s going on tonight?” she asked.

“Well I assume you’re hanging out with Kenny,” Maddie said. “But I don’t know what there is to do in Vegas.”

“We can probably help you with that.” Maddie and Caroline looked up to see two girls, probably the same age as them.

“Yeah? We’re looking for plans that don’t involve drinking,” Caroline said.

“With boyfriends, or… ?” one girl asked, obviously just trying to feel the two girls out and find out which members of The Maine they were dating.

Maddie pretended to be aloof, “Yeah, with boyfriends… or just friends, either one.”

“Well, a really romantic place is up by Sunrise Mountain. You can see the whole city from the base and there is hardly anyone up there,” one said.

Her friend laughed, “It’s also a really nice place to just go and think, if you’re not trying to get it on.”

Maddie and Caroline thanked the girls and agreed that would be the best place to go. After the show they packed up and found their boys.

Maddie snuck under Garrett’s arm as he spoke to Eric. He smiled at her and began tracing his fingertips over her shoulder. “Baby, I know what we can do tonight.”

“Actually, I was going to go out with everyone. You should come too,” Garrett said.

Maddie’s face fell in disappointment, “That’s okay.”

“What are you going to do?” he asked.

Maddie felt an arm around her shoulder and smiled when she looked at John, “She’ll hang out with me!”

“You sure, babe?” Garrett asked.

“Yeah, you go have fun. Be safe,” she said kissing his cheek.

Garrett walked away and she looked at John, “You don’t have to hang out with me.”

“You wanted to go up to the mountain, right? I’ll go with you!” John said.

Maddie smiled as the two found Kennedy and Caroline. They drove the thirty-five minutes to get to Sunrise Mountain and found a place to park in front of a dirt lot with no one around. John had brought a guitar and Maddie brought a notebook. They decided to venture away from the van to leave Caroline and Kennedy alone.

The two found a large boulder, room enough for the both of them. John let out a breath as he looked at the city lights. You could see every inch of the city, and Maddie realized this was the Las Vegas she was waiting for.

“Why did you want to come out here?” John asked.

“I wanted to give Vegas a chance,” she told him.

“You’re crazy, Madeline.”

She laughed and let the atmosphere fall into silence. She liked that she and John could have this comfortable silence. They didn’t need to talk to know that the other was okay.

John began to strum his guitar and Maddie listened intently as he tried to put the notes together into something beautiful.

“Hey John?” Maddie spoke.

“Yeah?” he replied, strumming his guitar still, just quieter.

“I’m afraid to go to college,” she said quietly.

He looked at her, putting his guitar down. “Why?”

“What if no one likes me? I mean, I’ve never had to make friends before. Let’s face it, you and the guys are my only friends,” she said.

“You’re right. Obviously we only stuck around because we feel bad for you,” John said.

She pushed him away as she shook her head, “This isn’t funny.”

John sighed as he stretched his arm over Maddie’s shoulders, “Come on baby, don’t think like this.”

“I don’t want to fail at Harvard. I don’t even surround myself with the other valedictorians now. I don’t know how to identify with them,” Maddie said.

“All that means is that you’re well-rounded. You can hang out with us idiots, but the people at Harvard… those are your kind of people,” he told her.

“What if I metaphorically fall on my face and just completely screw it up?”

“I ask myself that same question every time we play… except in the literal sense. I’m terrified of falling on stage,” John told her.

“How do you play then? I feel like I’m crippled by this,” Maddie stated.

“You want to know, honestly?” he asked. She looked at him, nodding her head. John looked away and back at the lights, “I think of you.”

“Me?” she asked quietly.

“Don’t act like you don’t notice me staring at you during our shows,” he laughed.

“I definitely did not notice,” Maddie laughed.

“Well, this is awkward then,” he chuckled nervously, “But I just look at you because… I don’t know, you just calm me down.” John looked at Maddie and became alarmed as she stayed silent, “That sounded extremely corny, sorry.”

“No, no, it was sweet. It really doesn’t help me though,” she said.

“You can picture me,” John suggested quietly. “Or Garrett; yeah, probably Garrett.”

Maddie stared in front of her as she became consciously aware of John’s arm around her shoulders and their close proximity. She leaned into him and he gathered her closer.

“John, don’t you have a girlfriend?” Maddie asked.

“Don’t you have a boyfriend?”

“I wasn’t saying that we’re doing something wrong. Just asking,” she said.

“Yeah, I do have a girlfriend,” he told her regretfully.

“What do you think Kennedy and Caroline are doing?” Maddie laughed, changing the subject.

“Probably what every guy and girl do up here,” John said simply.

“We look like a couple right now,” she said quietly, tilting her head up to look at him.

He met her eyes, “Would you like me to move?”

Maddie shook her head and shifted so she could lay her head in John’s lap. He looked at the city again as he absentmindedly played with her long, brown hair.

“Do you ever think about how things could have been completely different if Kennedy hadn’t had kissed Carly that night?” Maddie asked, tugging at the strings on John’s hoodie.

“We definitely wouldn’t be here,” John said, “You would be with Kenny.”

“I don’t know about that,” Maddie said. John looked at her for an explanation, “I mean, I just don’t know if Kennedy and I would have worked out.”

“Why?”

Maddie let out a laugh, “Because it was hard to leave even when you lied to me. If you hadn’t have given me a reason to stop loving you, things would be different.”

“Isn’t it weird how you can fall in and out of love with people throughout life?” John asked quizzically.

“You don’t fall in love multiple times. You just think you are,” Maddie said.

“Are you in love with Garrett?” he asked cautiously.

Maddie shook her head, “I’m not sure I believe in love anymore.”

“How can you not believe in love when someone is so obviously in love with you?”

Maddie met his eyes and could tell he was begging for her to understand; pleading with her to let things fall into place by sheer fate. The Las Vegas lights glinted in his green eyes and the hope in them was bewildering. “Are you talking about Garrett?”

He stared at her and she saw the hope turn into disappointment under the moonlight before Kennedy honked the horn. Neither of them moved as John waited for Maddie to comprehend, and Maddie waited for an answer.

But neither of them received their wish as the night sky began to lighten with the rising sun, taking away the darkness as well as any airs of change John had been hoping for.