Love Is a Four Letter Word, and So Is Liar

The rest of my stay flew by, and I went home. Months came and went by, and I was growing restless waiting for him. He and the band were doing better than ever. You could see them on MTV, hear them on the radio, and see them on every talk show.

Ryan never attempted to contact me, and I never attempted to contact him. Fear fueled us from being together. From what everyone told me, Ryan asked about me everyday. That gave me some hope that he hadn't forgotten about me just yet.

I did know that Dawn had the baby. It was a girl, Ana Jane Ross. She was 8lbs, and 20 inches, or something like that. I will admit that I was jealous, I mean if Ryan and I got back together and had children, our little girl wouldn't be his first. She was the first baby girl in his life…I know he wouldn't feel the same way about ours.

My life in Chicago remained the same, except I didn't get to talk to Ryan anymore. Although today, I didn't have to go to work, or school. This was a great relief because I was beginning to crack under pressure.

Today was payday, and I couldn't wait. I surrounded myself in my job, so I knew I would have some money to go buy myself something nice. Wow, drowning my sorrow in spending money, could I get any lamer?

I walked into human resources and smiled at Kelly. She handed me my check and I ripped it apart. I thanked her and began reading my stub and walking at the same time. I bumped into someone and instantly looked up from my reading.

"Oh!! I'm sorry!" I apologized quickly. "I'm such a klutz!"

"You always were!!" The person responded.

I looked at him and smiled. "Brendon?! What are you doing here?"

"Spence fell and hit his head on a small step….dumb ass." He smiled and shook his head.

My eyes widen. "Oh god, is he ok?"

Brendon nodded. "Yea, it's just a small concussion."

"Good, it could have been a lot worse." I sighed relieved. Then I snapped. "Wait, what are you doing in Chicago?'

"Uhh-to see Kay…duh!" He laughed nervously.

"Well I know, but what about Spencer?" I asked concerned.

He shrugged. "Along for the ride?" something was off about this.

"Are you sure?" I asked eyeing him.

He cleared his throat nervously. "Yes?" He blurted out.

I began to laugh at how dumb he was being. "I think you're lying Mr. Urie."

"Nah, what gave you that idea?" He chuckled.

I rolled my eyes. "I have no idea."

"Brendon! Where the fu-oh, Bianca?" A voice said behind me.

My heart stopped for a spilt second. It was him. I turned around to meet Ryan's brown eyes. I instantly wanted to wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him.

"Hi Bianca." He said quietly.

"Well, I'll go and see how Spence is doing." Brendon announced placing a hand on each of our shoulders. Then Ryan and I watched as he walked down the hallway.

When he was out of sight, Ryan turned to me and gave me a half smile. "So, how have you been?" He asked softly.

I shrugged my shoulders briefly. "I've been ok. How about you? I heard you're a daddy now."

Wow, that killed me.

"Yea, she's just amazing." He gushed. A smile instantly appeared on his face with the thought of his little girl.

I could feel my heart swelling up with pain inside my chest. I wanted to burst into tears, but I was stronger than this.

"How's work, school?" he asked.

I held up my paycheck. "Work has been amazing, and school, damn, two more semesters and I am done!" I sighed relieved.

"That's good." He simply replied.

An awkward silence filled the space between us. We both would catch glances at one another and then turn away. I wanted so much to let him know how much I miss him, how much I needed to be with him. I wanted him to know how I couldn't sleep at night because he wasn't with me.

"I've missed you so much." He whispered.

I looked at him wide eyed. I hadn't expected him to say it. Ryan is so closed up to his feelings.

"So have I." I answered with the same tone as his.

"What are we doing?" He asked frustrated. I didn't know if the question was directed towards me or to him. When he looked up at me waiting for an answer, I just shrugged.

"I don't know what you mean."

"We are obviously miserable without each other, so what are we doing?"

"Ry, I didn't want you to have to choose."

He shook his head angrily. "I don't have to anymore."

"What do you mean?" I asked utterly confused.

"I mean, I can have both you and Ana."

I stood there is silence. I didn't quite understand what he was getting at. Didn't I hear right when Dawn gave him the ultimatum?

"Dawn and I are going to court. I want full custody of Ana, she doesn't even want her."

My heart leapt for joy when he said that. It meant he is going to get rid of Dawn. I didn't want to give into him so easily.

"Ryan, I-I-I don't kno-now." I stammered. It suddenly hit me, that even if he got rid of Dawn, his attention would be on Ana.

"Look, I understand this isn't the best place to have this conversation, so how about we go out for lunch?" He offered.

I smiled sweetly at him. "Ok, that would be good."

"Great, pick you up in an hour. I'm going to check up on Spencer." He leaned over and kissed my cheek.

"Ok. Bye." I smiled.

__________________________________________________________

I didn't know why I was so nervous about this whole ordeal. I mean I had gone out to lunch with Ryan many times before, but this one was going to be different. We needed to talk about our future, and that was what scared me the most.

Ryan had called earlier and asked if I could meet him at some deli shop. I checked to make sure I had everything and left my apartment, and began my way to meet him.

My heart was pounding loudly in my chest, and I couldn't stop moving around in my seat. This whole thing had me on the edge.

After parking, I began my way into the restaurant. I took a deep breath trying to prepare myself and opened the door.

"Bee!" Someone called out.

Turned to my right and saw Ryan standing up smiling at me. I smiled back and made my way towards him.

"Hey." I said sitting down across from him.

"Hi." He answered back. "Thanks for meeting me, I had to take Brendon, and Spence to the hotel."

I shrugged my shoulders. "It's no problem."

The waiter soon came and took our orders before we could say anything else.

"So tell me, how has everything with the band been?" I asked trying to make conversation.

"It's good. Everything just seems so surreal. I never thought the song would get so big." He sighed.

"But it did." I said softly. I never wanted to hear the songs again, but you couldn't get away from them, they were everywhere.

"I never apologized." He said staring straight at me. His brown eyes burning holes into my hazel ones.

"For what?" I asked confused.

"The songs, the ones I wrote." He said grabbing my hand that was on top of the table.

I shook my head and pulled my hand away. "Don't be, that's what you going through at the time. Those are you're feelings. I get it." I snapped.

"See, that's the point. I think I was just so pissed about everything that happened between us, and when we were writing the record, I let it out."

I sighed. I looked away from him and frowned. I didn't understand where this was going. "Why couldn't you tell me?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I don’t know. I've had a lot to deal with, and you've been there through everything. I didn't want to give you one more thing to burden."

I scoffed and gazed back at him. "You were never a burden." I spoke softly. The rest of the words I wanted to say got caught in my throat.

Ryan was about to say something when the waiter came and brought us our food.

I couldn't eat after our conversation. I just picked at my food and thought. When I looked up from my food Ryan was doing the exact same thing, and his eyes met mine. I smiled softly. I hated how he made me feel. But I never wanted it to end.

"Bianca, there's something I need to tell you." Ryan spoke first.

I nodded. "Ok, go ahead." I pushed my plate away and gave him my full attention.

"I-I-umI-well-I" He stopped and shook his head in disappointment. "Damn I didn't think this would be so hard."

"Take your time." I insisted.

"I still love you, and I know I promised the first time I said I wouldn't hurt you, but I want to say I'm sorry." He said going to grab my hand again.

I allowed him to hold it this time. "It wasn't your fault. Well in a way it was, but we both knew she would force me out. I didn't want you to choose, so I did it for you."

"That's the thing. I didn't have to. I want to be with you. I want to be with you forever." He said. The next thing I know he's down on one knee.

I gasped at the sight. My heart began to pound loudly in my ear, and all the heat flushed to my face. I didn't know what to think. Then he pulled out a green velvet box. He grabbed my other hand and placed the box in my palm.

"Ryan wh-" Before I could finish my sentence he stopped me.

"Just open it." He ordered.

I opened it and smiled happily.

"It's the key to our new apartment. I mean if you want to move in with me, and give us another shot." He explained.

"Where are you moving to?" I asked looking up from the opened box and meeting his eyes.

"Well, in Vegas. I got a place of my own, and it feels lonely without you there. I figured maybe you can finish school there." He shrugged.

I sprang up from my chair and wrapped my arms around his neck. He lost balance and fell back, with me falling on top of him.

"Yes." I cried softly.

"Yes what?" Ryan asked confused.

"Yes, I'll move in with you. Yes, I give you another chance." I answered.

Ryan pulled away to look at me. "Are you serious?" He was shocked by my actions.

I nodded with a smile.

"I thought you would call me a jerk, and to leave you alone." He sighed in relief.

I shrugged. "Thought about it."

He then grabbed the back of my neck and pushed our lips together. I kissed back with as much passion as I could. Having his lips on mine, was the best feeling in the world. Before anything else could happen we heard someone clearing their throat. We pulled away from one another and looked at who made the noise.

"I'm sorry, I know that this is a great moment you two are having, but could you please sit down?" Our waiter asked.

We both blushed and stood up from the floor. "Sorry."

He shook his head. "No problem."

Ryan reached for his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He took out a twenty and handed to the waiter. "Keep the change." He told him. He grabbed my hand. "Let's go."

I grabbed my purse and jacket quickly from the table. We practically ran out of the place into the streets. Ryan stopped turned around and smiled happily at me. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me in for a kiss. I kissed back smiling softly into the kiss.

We pulled away after a few seconds and stared at each other.

"So we are really going to do this?" Ryan asked with a huge grin on his face.

"Yes, we are." I answered with a matching grin.

"Are you going to be ok with Ana living with us if I get full custody?"

"I would be. Just because I don't like Dawn doesn't mean I am going to be evil to Ana. You know that is not the kind of person I am."

"Good. I knew my dad was right when he told me not to let you slip through my fingers." He pulled me into small short kiss. "And I will never be so stupid in my life to let you go…..again."

I wrapped my arms around his neck. "I hope not, because I never want to lose you."

"Me either." He smiled. "What about my career?"

"That doesn't bother me. I know that's what you've always wanted to do. I'll stay by you no matter what."

"I love you so much."

"I love you too."

My heart was beating so fast inside my chest. Ryan and I had never been this open about our feelings. He was always the guy to hide his feelings and make subtle hints that I had to figure out.

"Let's go to your apartment."

"For what?" I asked confused.

"To pack your shit, when I go back to Vegas, I want you to go back with me." He stated.

"When is that?"

"In two days." He answered. He grabbed my hand and we began to walk towards my car.

"That's not a lot of time."

"Trust me, now, we have all the time we need."

I stopped and looked at him. He turned around and looked at me confused. "Why are we stopping?"

"Because you are so right." I answered.

"About what?"

"That we have all the time we need."

He nodded. "I know."

This time I pulled him into kiss. Only this time, I put my all into this kiss. I wanted him to feel what I felt when he kissed me. Because I knew that this time around, we weren't going to be letting go of each other any time soon.

We were going to start a new chapter of our lives. We were going to get through anything life throws at us, because we love each other, and we need each other. Love is what keeps us going.

Because we know one thing:

Love, won't tear us apart.