Forbidden

I was laying down in my bed on a white button down shirt completely open and just my black silk underwear exposed. There was absolutely nothing on TV, so I just turned it off. I was still waiting for Gerard’s ‘oh-my-God-I’m-engaged’ call. But I still didn’t even get a text from him or anyone at all. I looked up at the ceiling and just started to take out some conclusions and reasons why he still hasn’t called.

Maybe he hasn’t even got the guts to propose to her. Maybe he already did and they’re already…Okay, I don’t want those images in my head. Not now. Not ever. Maybe he took her out to dinner to celebrate. No, he would’ve called on the way there. Wait, what if he just forgot? No, maybe he was waiting for tomorrow to tell me face-to-face. Or maybe he would call me whenever he got to his house alone. Or maybe, just maybe he-

A loud knock on the front door interrupted my thoughts. It was loud enough for me to hear in my room. I quickly stood up and ran downstairs, taking a bat on my way down. I looked at the kitchen clock and it was already past midnight. Only a burglar would be at someone’s house. But wait, why knocking when you can just break in through the windows? I looked through the hole and sighed when I saw those piercing blue eyes.

”What are you doing here?” I groaned frustrated as I opened the door and looked at him. He opened his mouth to say something but then stopped and frowned when he saw the bat in my hand.

”I think I should’ve called” He said taking the bat slowly from my hands and then walking inside. I closed the door and sighed. It was strange how he wasn’t smiling, hugging, or at least jumping up and down like the crazy but adorable fool he is while making his herp derp faces. He actually seemed nervous; running his hand through his hair, scratching the back of his head, pacing slowly from side to side, looking down while frowning, biting his lower lip. I tilted my head to a side and crossed my arms.

”Oh right” I said walking towards him and hugging him, ”I guess um, Congratulations!” I tried my best to disguise the bitter in my voice and replace it with the tiniest enthusiasm.

”Uhh, Penny?” He started to say but I shook my head and tightened my hug.

”Listen, earlier I was acting a little strange, but it’s because…I’m happy for you” Lies. Lies. Sweet little lies.

”Penny…” He sighed, ”Listen to me”

”No, you listen! The lilies where gorgeous, but…you know how picky I am and I just want you both to have the be-” I kept talking but he interrupted again.

”Penny!” He pulled away and grabbed me by my arms, looking at me straight in the eye. I was almost hypnotized, but I still could listen to anything he had to say, ”I went this afternoon, but I didn’t propose”

”You chickened out?! For Christ’s sake, Gerard! You just have to get on one fucking knee, show her the ring, and before you even ask her she will be-”

”There was another guy” He interrupted me for the last time, and this time…I couldn’t even talk, ”I came here to ask you a favor, but I just don’t know if it’s proper for me to ask such thing” I frowned.

”What could be so rude to ask your best friend on the day that you plan to propose to your girlfriend and find her with another guy?” I asked him as if it was the most normal thing in the world. He sighed and bit his lower lip while looking down.

”I need sex” He said ashamed of himself and I was absolutely shocked.

”You what?” I breathed, not believing a word. It must be a prank or something. Maybe he had been noticing that I had lied, and he wanted to make me suffer. Yeah, it had to be that. But the way his eyes looked at mine when he slowly lifted his head up to face me, made me doubtful.

”Not just plain meaningless-against-anything- I-can-find-and-with-whoever-I-find sex” He said gulping. I nodded slowly, crossing my arms and putting my hair behind my ear.

”I suppose I should go upstairs, change into something appropriate and go somewhere with you to find you a girl to sleep with” I grinned, playing dumb. Of course I knew what he meant. He sighed in frustration and took a step closer to me, leaving only inches in between us.

”I don’t want to get involved with other girl” He put his big strong hands on both sides of my arms and looked at me with those deep ocean eyes of his, ”I know I shouldn’t even think of asking you this but…” He paused and looked at me for a moment. I was about to ask him what he was going to say, but his hands cupped my face and his soft lips were gently pressed against mine. I felt whole. That one thing that had been bugging me since we met had been filled in that kiss. I didn’t even hesitate before I kissed him back, moving my hands up and wrapping my arms around his neck. We just fit perfectly. His thumb moved from side to side on my jaw-line as he gently pulled me closer to him. I was so into the moment that I had forgotten the little lie that had put me in all of this mess.

Ugh, what the hell.

I thought, pressing myself not so much against him, not wanting to expose myself that much. His lips moved slowly against mine, almost as a practiced dance and the big night had finally come. He moved one of his hands to the back of my head, tangling his fingers in between my hair. I could feel his breath crash against my skin, closer than it ever had. We both slowly pulled away, our lips still lingering against each other, our breaths uniting in front of us, our eyes opening to find each other’s. I could see almost every feeling there could ever exist in his eyes. Sadness, confusion, surprise, satisfaction, lust, passion, and even happiness. Our lower lips were still touching, and we just couldn’t pull away. Both of us waiting for the other to make the first move, but we both knew neither of us was going to. ”I lied” I whispered as he nodded slowly, trying hard not to pull away, ”The first day we met, I lied. And I understand if you won’t forgive me, because I deserve that” By now, I had pulled away and looked down, breaking the long stare. ”How could you do that to me?” He whispered almost hurt, I could feel it, just like that. I couldn’t even look up at him, besides the fact that I was already tearing up, I couldn’t face him. ”I know, and I’m really sorry. I really shouldn’t have done that; I shouldn’t have lied to you. I’m seriously the worst friend or whatever I am now” I said now in tears, I could feel his eyes on my face, and I could also feel his hands cup my face again and make me look at him. He cleaned my tears with his thumbs and a little smile was forming from the corner of his lips. ”I’ll correct myself” He definitely knew how to confuse me, ”How could you do that to us, to me, to you. I was about to get married in front of your own eyes for a stupid lie, don’t you get it, haven’t you even dared to notice since we ever met that I am crazy in love with you, ever since I met you, I’ve been having this annoying feeling inside of me that I haven’t been able to express to you because of a meaningless lie” My mouth was slightly open, now I couldn’t even believe a word he said, not a whisper, not a mumble, not a sentence. ”I’ve wanted you ever since…no” He kept saying, ”I’ve needed you ever since, not physically, because you’ve always been there, but I wanted to feel that feeling that you get when you’re just near the one you love…knowing that that person belongs to you and no one else. That you can just kiss anywhere, not minding anything or anyone” He paused before continuing, noticing that he was crying too. I melted, almost literally. I wrapped my arms back around his neck, burying my face in his shoulders as he wrapped his big arms around my small waist, pulling me close to him. I could feel his hands on my back, pressed tight against it as his lips rested on my shoulder. It was almost surreal. This time, it’s not a dream that you’ll wake up to in the next few seconds… ”I need you, now” He finally whispered.