Shattered By Broken Dreams

“Oh my GOD! Guys, you are incredible!” I yelled as I ran up to the guys after work.

“Bekah! I didn’t know you were able to come and see us play!” Matt yelled as he hugged me.

“Uhm… Why else didn’t we eat lunch together?” I laughed.

“We all kind of assumed that, because today is so hot, that you had just gotten busy and didn’t have time for your lame-o rock band friends.” Jonny stated with a roll of his eyes.

“Psh. As if I wouldn’t have time for my crazy ass rock stars! Ya’ll know that I genuinely enjoy your stories about how some dumbass groupies threw their panties and bras onstage with their numbers on them.” We all laughed at that. “So, what are we doing tonight, boys? After I give you all amazing back rubs?” I smiled.

“Oh, so now we get the massages? I was under the impression that you’d forgotten them.” Zacky stuck his tongue out at me.

“Nope. Day one was just draining, then last night we were all occupied by the insane party that ensued because my brother and Green Day were here. Tonight, however, I’m all yours.”

“I call first dibs!!!” Jimmy yelled.

“Second!” was Jonny half an instant later.

“Damn. I’m a hot commodity.” I laughed. “Zacky, you’re third, Brian fourth, and last, but not least, Matt. We will switch orders every time I do the back rubs. All of you will have the opportunity to be first.”

“Why do I gotta be last?” Matt pouted.

“You always save the best for last, honey. Didn’t anybody ever tell you?” I smirked as I went to change into my pajamas before going to the couch and sat Indian style. “Jimmy! Sit on the floor in front of me and we’ll get started.”

As I worked out the kinks in all the guys’ backs, we all talked about everything. Conversations were interrupted by whichever band member I had in front of me, moaning their approval as I detangled their back muscles.

“Bekah… Where did you learn to do this amazing thing? Would you be offended if I fell asleep right now?” Brian asked. Jimmy, Jonny and Zacky had already gone to bed, my magic fingers having the same effect on them.

“I learned as I went along. Since I was 9, I was my mom’s personal masseuse. I got rid of the stress headaches that I helped to create. 11 years is a lot of practice time.” I smiled. “And if you’re ready to go to sleep, I’ll let you get up and go to bed. I need to work on Matt still, anyway.” I said as I stopped moving my hands along his back.

“M’kay. Nighty night.” He mumbled as he got up languidly and it almost looked like he floated to the bunks.

“Matt, you’re up.” I smiled.

“Don’t your hands hurt? You’ve been going for almost 2 hours straight.” He asked, concerned.

“I’m good. Promise.”

“Whatever you say.” He shrugged as he sat in front of me. “So when does your celibacy end? Just curious.”

“It’ll be a full year next week. I’m anxious for it to be done. I’ve never been so freaking horny in my life.” I replied without thinking, just blurting out what I was thinking. Matt tensed up and I realized what I had said. “I need a new brain-mouth filter. Mine doesn’t seem to be working correctly.” I laughed, trying to break the current sexual tension between us.

“Well, do you think that you should ease yourself back into the game? Like, start off with the slower stuff and then find someone you want to fuck?”

“Start easing myself into the game now, you mean?” I asked as my hands stopped moving at his broad shoulders.

“Yeah. I wouldn’t mind being your Guiney pig, just to throw that out there.”

I was so glad that he and I weren’t facing each other right that moment as a deep blush crept up my face. Just thinking of making out with him had my libido in overdrive. I have been sex-starved for a year. I haven’t even masturbated!

“Matt… If I start making out with you, I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop myself. I’m not going to pretend that my self control is anywhere near strong enough to hold me back.”

He turned to face me, “What if I stopped us after oral? That way, we’d both get off, and you’d still not have had sex…”

I flushed deeper. “I’ve never had anyone who enjoyed going down enough to make me come. During the rare times a guy did go down on me, it was just to get me wet enough to fuck. And I’m so out of practice that I don’t think I can deep throat anymore. Plus, you’re huge.”

“How about we just start off with a kiss and see where it goes from there?”

“I think that’s a great idea.”

Matt got up on his knees and pulled my face towards his slowly. His mouth hovered a breath away from mine and he spoke softly, “Last chance. You can say “No” now and I’ll understand.”

I responded by closing the gap between us, gently pressing my lips to his and sighing through my nose. Matt laced his fingers through my long hair and deepened the kiss. He parted my mouth with his and experimentally probed his tongue into my mouth. My tongue went to play with his as if it had a mind of its own, and Matt groaned in approval. We continued our battle for dominance as Matt pushed me so I was lying on the couch with him on top of me. I bucked my hips into his before he ground into me, letting me feel exactly how much he and his not-so-little friend enjoyed what we were doing.

It was a couple of minutes later when we broke apart for air, Matt’s eyes glazed over in lust. I’m sure I must look the same to him. At least for the brief glimpse he got before he attacked my neck. I gasped in pleasure when he found my spot on the back side of where my neck and shoulders meet. He took notice and bit me there, soothed the bite with his tongue, and then continued on his path down my body to my clothed breasts. His hands travelled down my sides and back up, under my shirt, pulling it off of me. Matt looked up at me and latched himself to my now naked chest. I arched up and moaned. I had missed the sensation of a man’s tongue playing with my nipples. His hand came up to play with the sensitive mound that his mouth wasn’t occupying, rolling my nipple between his thumb and forefinger while his free hand went down to rub my already soaked core.

I gasped and moaned his name. My fingers found themselves wrapped firmly in his hair while my other hand was grasping his shirt. I ran my hands down his back and pulled his shirt up. Matt had to stop his exploration of my torso so that I could take it off of him. Once he was out, our mouths clashed together again passionately. My hands ran down his hard, tattooed chest toward his belt. I fumbled for a minute before I was able to slide it from his belt loops. I immediately went back to his pants and began to unbutton and unzip them. Matt got off of me and took his pants and boxers off himself and pulled my shorts off. He came back to me, kissing me deeply and running his hand down to the most intimate of places. I gasped in pleasure when his fingers found my clit and started rubbing slow circles with his rough thumb. I reached for his hardened member, grabbing his shaft and slowly stroked him up and down. Matt moaned into my mouth.

He ripped himself away from me and slid down my body until he was right in front of my cleanly shaven pussy. He put one of my legs up in the back of the couch and the other was draped over his shoulder so I was fully exposed to him. He darted his tongue out to play with my clit before he wrapped his lips around it and sucked. I moaned and writhed beneath his assault on my body. He delved his tongue into my slick opening and moved it in and out. I bucked my hips up, hoping to never lose contact with his mouth, but he held my hips down with a firm hand on my stomach. He had only been doing this for about 5 minutes when I felt a white hot ball starting to build inside me. The pressure increased exponentially when he gently added one finger.

“Oh, God, Matt! Harder, please!” I begged. Matt obliged quickly, pounding his finger into me at an incredible speed. “I’m gonna cum! Oh Matt, I’m about to cum!” I exclaimed just before the ball in my gut burst, sending waves upon waves of euphoria crashing over me.

Matt slowed his ministrations and drew out my pleasure as long as he could. Once I stopped shaking, he removed himself from my core and smirked. His face was glistening with my juices. He sat up and slowly sucked his finger clean.

I sat up with a coy smirk firmly planted on my lips as well. “My turn,” was all I said before getting on my knees in front of the couch. I ran my pierced tongue up the bottom of his thick shaft slowly and circled the head as I opened my mouth to take him in. I bobbed my head, taking a little more of him in each time I went down. Matt’s head rolled back when I hollowed out my cheeks. One hand was firmly wrapped around the base of his cock while the other was playing with his balls. The hand around his cock was now following my lips up and down. Matt groaned. I pulled my mouth off of his dick with a resounding pop and moved slightly lower. I took his heavy balls into my mouth one at a time, laving them as I sucked. Then I had both and I was making figure eights with my tongue. He groaned again and I looked up to see that his eyes had rolled to the back of his head. I went back to sucking his rock-hard cock and took a few deep breaths through my nose, preparing myself for what I was about to attempt. I went down a little slower than I had previously been doing, relaxed my throat muscles and took all ten inches of Matt down my throat. I stayed down as long as I could, making swallowing motions before I decided that I needed air. I pulled back just enough that I could breathe again. Matt wrapped his hands in my hair, directing my rhythm. Once he started thrusting into my mouth, I knew he was close. Sure enough, within the next few minutes, Matt groaned out my name, tensed up, and shot his load into my mouth as I continued sucking. Satisfied that I had gotten his entire load, I swallowed and looked back up at him. “You taste so good, Matt.”

“Oh my God, Bekah. That was incredible.” He sighed out. He was out of breath after I did all the work on that one.

“Thanks.” I giggled and got up to sit on the couch next to him. “You were pretty awesome, too.” I then looked down and groaned, seeing my stretch marks. “Where did you throw my shirt?”

“Why? I kinda like getting to stare at your chest.”

“Because, while I’m fully aware that my tits are great, the rest of it is not my favorite and I’d like to cover it.” I explained, wrapping my arms over my stomach.

“Bekah, what are you talking about? You’re fucking gorgeous.” Matt looked genuinely confused and moved my arms from where I had covered myself.

He looked and saw what I had been hiding and I looked away, still ashamed that I had them. It had taken months of really hard work to get rid of the weight that I had gained in my third trimester – all 40 pounds of it. And no matter what I did, the lotions I used, I had these unseemly stretch marks scarring the entirety of my abdomen. I hated it and I hated Dustin for being the reason for them.

“Huh. I didn’t even know that they were there. But now that I see them, I’m not bothered. The way I look at it, you earned those battle scars by growing a person – a WHOLE person – inside of you. That’s bound to leave a mark.” Matt said, looking into my eyes. I could tell that he meant every word and that brought tears to my eyes.

“Other than the girls on my dance and cheer team, you’re the only other person to have seen these. And you didn’t make a big deal about how a kid had ruined me. Thank you.”

“Kid?!?!?!?! You had a baby?!?!?!” The disembodied voice of Zacky called from the end of the hall.

“Who did what???” Brian yelled from the bunks, effectively waking up Jonny and Jimmy.

“Oh fuck.” Was all I was able to get out before realizing that I was naked and so was Matt. “Clothes. Now.”

We both rushed around trying to get dressed before the whole band walked out and saw us.

“There goes round two.” He grumbled, pulling his pants on.

“What did you have in mind?” I asked pulling my underwear up under my shirt.

“Well, I had hoped that we could do it all over again. Maybe before I came, we could actually fuck. But noooo. Now the guys are up and being cock blockers.” He kinda yelled that last part…

“Are you two decent yet???” Jimmy screeched. “I mean, Bekah, I wouldn’t mind seeing naked, but Matt… I love you, I just don’t want you that way.”

Matt pulled on his shirt and I pulled on my shorts. “Yes, guys. We’re decent.” I sighed and went to the mini-fridge and got both myself and Matt a bottle of water.

Zacky came storming out first. “Kid? Where is the baby now and why didn’t you tell us? For that matter, why didn’t Mark or Michael ask about it?” He then started pacing in front of Matt and I.

“Bekah… Did you have a baby? Is this something to do with why you’ve been celibate for a year?” Jonny asked right after.

“I wanna see the baby!!!!” Jimmy yelled then started looking all over the bus. “Where did you hide it?”

I looked down, Matt glared at Jimmy, then all went still.

“Bekah? What haven’t you told us?” Brian asked gently.

“I was really hoping that I wouldn’t have to go through this again.” I sighed. “Guys, sit down. It’s a long story.”

By the end, I was crying again. Matt had his arm wrapped around my shoulder, offering comfort and strength.

“I think it’s time that we conspire to commit murder.” Jimmy said completely seriously. “All in favor, say ‘I’.”

Before anyone could say anything else, “No, Jimmy. As much as I appreciate that you would even consider it, it’s not right. Yes, he’s a horrible man, but Dustin’s had a life for the past year without me. Hell, he’s probably forgotten what he did. I’m not something to kill anyone over. I’m not the first girl who’s been roofied, and I won’t be the last. I’m just the one you know. All I can ask is that none of you treat me differently. I’m not a porcelain doll, so don’t treat me like one. Please.” I implored. “I’m gonna go to bed. Good night guys.”

I kissed each of them on the cheek before I left. When I got to the bunks, I climbed up to my bed, curled up on my side, and started crying again.

*Back in the living room*

“Is this what she told you a few days ago? That she got pregnant by being raped by her boyfriend, never told a soul, and then gave her kid up?” Brian asked Matt.

“Told you guys it was fucked up.” Matt said, looking down at his hands.

“I never would have guessed…” Zacky whispered. “I feel so bad about how I reacted when I heard you two talking. That’s probably the reaction that she feared the most… What kept her from telling anyone.”

“Dude, I asked where she hid it. The fact that she doesn’t have her kid has to be a sore spot too.” Jimmy said lowly, his face displaying exactly how bad he felt.

“All in all, I think you guys handled the story part well. That initial shock… I’m not gonna hold over you guys. But I will hold the fact that you guys just cock blocked me for a little while.” Matt tried to lighten the mood of his downtrodden friends. “Now I’m gonna go talk to Bekah and see how she’s doing. Stay.” He pointed to all of his band mates and turned to walk into the bunks.

“Bekah? Can I come in?” Matt called after he knocked on the door.

“Yeah. Just give me a sec.” I replied, quickly trying to hide the fact that I had been crying. I ducked my head so that I could sit up in the bed. “Come on in. It’s your room, too.”

“Hey. I just wanted to check on you. I know you didn’t want to have to tell anyone again, and I’m sorry for all of that back there.” Matt said as he came towards me.

“It’s not your fault. I don’t blame you at all. Somebody was bound to overhear a conversation I had about it. Does it suck? Yeah, it does. But I’m glad that the guys sat and listened instead of flying off the handle.” I explained.

“Then why are you in here crying?”

“That initial reaction was everything that I feared. It’s why I didn’t tell my family, my friends, anyone. And then the pity in their eyes when I finished my story is heartbreaking and an insult to what’s left of my pride. If I can get over this on my own, despite the quirks I may have while doing so, then I don’t need or want pity from anybody. I’m a strong person. I always have been. I haven’t wanted or needed anything from anyone in many, many years. I’m not about to let myself be pitied for this. Pity makes people treat you like you’re some poor, dejected soul, and I’m not. I’ve had a damn good life since I gave my son up for adoption. I’ve gone to school, I’ve made friends, I’ve had fun. I’ve coped. That’s all anyone can ask of any living person on this planet. It’s not about the struggles in life, it’s about how we deal with them that determines what we are as people. I believe that I have proven myself to be a strong and independent woman. And now that I’ve gone through this at such a young age, what else could be thrown at me that I can’t handle?” I ended with an almost bitter smile.

“Rebekah, you are a truly exceptional woman. I am so proud to know you.” Johnny said from the doorway.

Matt and I looked over and saw everyone standing there.

“Group hug!” Jimmy yelled with tears in his eyes. He herded all the guys in with him and hefted me out of the bed so that he could wrap his lanky arms around me.

I hugged all of them back before lifting my head off of Jimmy’s shoulder. “Really, guys, I have to work tomorrow. I don’t get to play hooky because my boss knows where I sleep. Can I go to bed now?” I laughed, and so did they.

“Sure thing, babe. You wanna sleep in my bunk tonight or yours?” Matt asked with a grin.

“That depends. Will you let me up in the morning or will you try to hold me hostage like last time?”

“Oh, I’m gonna hold you hostage. Just so I can see you try to slip out like you did before. That was hot as hell.”

I smirked. “What do you mean, ‘try’? I always get what I want. But if you’re gonna be difficult, I’m gonna sleep in my bed.” I said as I hauled myself up to my bunk. “Night, boys. Sleep tight.” I nestled in for the night, noticing that Matt looking dejected. I would too, if he had done the same to me.

Once Jonny turned out the lights, I peeked into Matt’s bunk. He was turned to face the wall, so I made a quick decision to ninja my way into his bed, consequences be damned. I slid off my bunk and onto the ledge of his, then gingerly slid under the blanket with him and cuddled into his back. Matt rolled over and put his arm around my waist, moonlight allowing me to see his dimpled smile as he looked at me. “What made you change your mind?”

“Just the look on your face when I told you I’d be in my bunk. You looked so sad. I’m sorry for that.” I responded with the utmost sincerity.

“It’s OK, babe.” And with that, he kissed me deeply and wrapped me in his strong, warm arms, using my ample chest as a pillow. I smiled down at him and played with the hair at the nape of his neck until we both fell into a peaceful slumber.