Shattered By Broken Dreams

Once we had all of my stuff moved on the bus and my car successfully hitched to the back of the bus, the guys and I were standing in the front “living room” area when I asked the obvious question. “So, where am I going to be sleeping, guys?”

“I think it’s safe to say that you have your pick of who to share a bunk with, if you want to.” Zacky said, gesturing to himself and the four other men awaiting my decision.

As I glanced around at all five of them, I noticed a common factor among all of their faces, they wanted more than just a warm body sleeping next to them.

“Is there an extra bunk or a halfway comfy couch that no one’s using?” I rephrased my earlier question with my eyes slightly widened.

“Ouch. You don’t want any of us all nice and cozy with you? Are you a lesbian?” Brian asked with his eyes wide in excitement at the prospect of me preferring girls.

“Hate to burst your bubble, Brian, but no, I’m not a lesbian. I just don’t want to wake up in the middle of the night because someone’s little friend is poking at me.” I laughed. “So is that a yes or no to the couch?”

“There’s an extra bunk above mine.”Matt smiled.

“Thank you, Matt. Which one’s yours?”

“I’ll show you. Right this way.” Matt’s smile didn’t leave his face as he showed me where the bunk room was, where I could set my stuff up, and where I would be sleeping, all the way at the end of the row of beds.

The first thing I noticed was that there was no ladder, just a couple of hard metal rungs for the sake of stability between the top and bottom bunk.

“Matt. Slight problem.” I stated as I looked at the beds.

“No ladder?” He smirked.

“You are a mind reader.” I laughed. “The way I’m looking at it, I have 3 options. None of them that I’m too fond of. 1) I could use the rungs and deal with the bruising on my feet as it comes. 2) I could ask you for a boost every night-“

“Which I wouldn’t mind unless I’m drunk.”

“Noted. Or, 3) Throw a leg up and haul myself up.”

“And the problem there is…?” He asked.

“It’s just awkward for me.” I answered, looking down.

“Decisions, decisions.” He joked as he struck a thinking pose.

I laughed a little before I took a deep breath and looked up at him. “Oh hush. So answer me honestly.”

“Ok.”

“Would you use me asking for a boost as an opportunity to grab my ass?”

“In all honesty, probably. But, on that same note, when I really wanted to, all I’d do is this.”
And then, he reached out and grabbed my butt.

I blushed as I grabbed his wrist, probably a little harder than I meant to, and pulled his hand away from my rear end. “You are so lucky I think you’re hot.” I muttered, almost angrily.

“And why is that?” Matt asked with a smirk as he crossed his arms, cocking an eyebrow at me. “Wait. You think I’m hot?” His smirk got bigger.

My blush only deepened. “Yes, I think you’re hot. And you’re lucky for that because anyone else that I liked even a fraction less than I liked you or any of the other guys would have gotten slapped. Hard.” I explained as I went around Matt to get the giant t-shirt and shorts that I would be sleeping in that night.

“Really?” He asked with his smirk still present. “I’d like to see that.”
“I doubt that.” I scoffed as I attempted to pass him again with my toiletries bag and sleepwear in hand.

Matt blocked my intended path with his large, muscled arm. I looked at the crease of his elbow that was right in front of my face, then at his amused face. “And what would warrant a slap in your book?” Matt asked.

“Why do you want to know?” I asked with my eyebrow raised. Then I faked a look of realization. “Oh, wait! I get it! You’re a masochist and you get off on pain.” I joked as I limboed under his arm, wanting nothing more than to get comfy in my pajamas so that I could get to work on giving the boys their promised massages.

And, just as he had earlier in the day, Matt grabbed my wrist and spun me into his chest again. This time, though, I couldn’t twist out as easily.

“I want to know because I’m plotting, and I’d prefer not to get slapped.” Matt chuckled out in his deep, raspy voice.

“What are you plotting and do I want to know why I’m being plotted against?” I asked, trying to lean back, only managing a whopping four inches before his arm stopped my progress.

“I’m not plotting against you, I’m just plotting the ‘thank you’ that I never got to carry out at the party that we met at.” He said lowly, inching his head closer to mine as he spoke.

“Oh. No ‘thanks’ necess-“ I was cut off by his lips pressing themselves lightly to mine.

I was in shock for a moment, but after the shock wore off, I found myself melting into him. I heard my toiletries bag hit the floor, vaguely aware that it had hit my foot. Matt’s grip loosened when my hands found their way behind his neck. His thumbs were now tracing small, invisible patterns on my hips causing my shirt to rise. I then felt Matt’s tongue trace along the seam of my lips, asking for entrance. That’s when I came to my senses. I pushed away from Matt with wide eyes.

“Oh, shit…” I gasped out.

“It wasn’t that bad, was it?” Matt asked, not removing his hands from my hips.

“I’m not even processing ‘good’ or ‘bad.’ I just haven’t let anyone so much as kiss me since last summer.” I explained as I stepped out of his grasp.

“You haven’t even kissed anyone in a year? How do you live?”Matt asked with a joking tone.

“There’s a reason I haven’t let anyone kiss, touch, or fuck me in almost exactly a year.” I said, narrowing my eyes for emphasis, before I scooped my belongings off the floor and headed past Matt to the bathroom. Once inside, I tried to collect my thoughts and calm my shaking form before I changed, quickly removed my makeup and brushed my teeth.

As I was doing that, Matt headed back to the “living room” of the bus with the rest of the band with a perplexed expression on his face.

“Dude, took you long enough. Is my bunk still clean?” Jimmy joked as he looked at Matt.

“What’s up, man?”Zacky asked, noticing the expression on his friend’s face.

“I just found out something I can’t even begin to wrap my head around…” Matt mumbled, almost in a daze. “Bekah hasn’t let anyone kiss, touch, or fuck her in almost exactly a year. I kissed her when we were back there, before I knew that, like I’ve wanted to since I met her, and now she’s upset. What reason could there possibly be to go nun-like for a whole year?” Matt asked his band mates as they all absorbed the information.

“Penance.” I answered as I strolled to the front room. My long, deep brown hair was now free from it’s former pony-tail and my bangs were flowing freely into my nearly black eyes. The large shirt and short shorts I wore only barely scraped the middle of the thighs on my long, lean legs. I took the empty seat in the breakfast nook, facing the band.

“Like… To God?” Brian asked skeptically. I nodded. “Why do you feel the need to do a year of no even semi-sexual content as penance?”

“That’s a long story.”I said, hoping that it would end the topic. I didn’t get that lucky.

“Is it really a long story, or do you just not want to tell us?” Jonny asked, looking me dead in the eyes.

“It’s not that I don’t want to tell people,” I lied, “I just don’t want to tell a sob story to people I just met and have them look at or treat me differently because of it.” That part was true. They all gave me a look. “I’m pretty sure that ya’ll are still forming your opinions of me and I don’t want that bias on me.” Now I was just fishing for excuses.

“I met you six months ago. My opinion is already there. And we’re all pretty observant. I can pretty much guarantee that we all have been able to see your basic personality, just like you’ve seen ours.”Matt made a valid point.

“But… But-“ I tried feebly to come up with another excuse to avoid it.

“No ‘buts.’ Have you ever told anyone the full story about what happened last year?” Jimmy asked with concern glinting in his eyes.

“Damn… These guys are good...” I thought to myself before I looked to the floor and shook my head in shame. “I haven’t been able to make myself say it because it’ll be admitting to being too weak to help myself. I swore to my parents when I was little that I’d never be weak, that I’d take care of myself and my family because it was evident that Mark wouldn’t. I kept my promise for 10 years. Do you know how much it sucks to have broken that promise when I had done nothing but try to be a good daughter and sister and still be able to have fun?” I laughed humorlessly before I grabbed a bottle of water out of the mini-fridge and headed back to the bunks.