Sexy? Why yes I am.

It was probably after every one of us finally past our twentieth birthday when it finally hit us that we’ve had two kids for a good two years of our lives, and everyday of their life. It’s weird really…

To think that your that someone they’ve known all there life and nothing more.

Today I was meeting Aneko at the café down the street. I dated her in high school, but then we broke up because she ended up moving out of the state. We did keep in contact though; she was a pretty fun girl to play around with. She finally moved back and now that she’s back, I can finally see what she’s been up too.

My guess is that she’s in some kind of fashion crap. She was always talking about that when we went out. It was actually annoying; I’d actually tune her out and act like I was listening when really I was just listening to the TV.

A girl with long brown curly hair walked in, and her bangs were curled as well. Her eye makeup was done perfectly, black eyeliner, thick as ever with sparkles above her eyes. She was always the type to always look the best she can, and it looks like that hasn’t changed.

She smiled over at me and I then stood up and waved her over.

“Oh my god Nate, you look so fit! I mean, you were before, but now it’s gotten even better, plus you have that masculine manly appeal that makes me want to just strip you down.” said Aneko as she hugged me back and then we both sat down at the table.

I laughed, “You seem to be doing fine with the fashion stuff.” I said.

Her glimmering beautiful light blue eyes soon faltered. You could always tell the amount of happiness she had by looking into her eyes, and when the little glimmering light faltered, I figured there was something wrong.

“Well…actually, I’m no longer in those classes anymore. They cost way too much money.” said Aneko.

“I don’t understand. You’ve never been the type to quit just because you didn’t have the money for it. Last time we spoke about that you said you had around three jobs you were working at so you could pay for the classes, and things you needed to make things.” I said.

She sighed heavily and said, “That was almost two years ago. I actually fell in love with this white guy, and normally I’m more for dating my own kind, which is Asians, but this guy was just really addicting. I don’t want to go into details, but long story short, I got pregnant from him, and he walked out on me. In my family something like that is forbidden, so I was kicked out. I fortunately had money I had saved up for fashion school and I used that to move back here. Now that I have Kar, I can’t go after my dream in being a fashion designer and model anymore. I have a child I have to take care of now…and I can’t work at three jobs anymore. I have one job, and I don’t have anyone but my friend Jamie to watch Kar. If Jamie can’t watch Kar, then Kar stays home by herself, all alone.”

I looked at her with sympathy probably written all over my face. She was looking down at the coffee that had arrived in front of her, only a minute ago.

“She’s almost two years old, and I wish she had her father. I wish more than anything that he didn’t walk out on me like that. He truly made me believe that no matter what happened we’d always be together. I fell so hard for him. I was taking pills for depression, but then I couldn’t afford it anymore. All I ever really do now is work, come home, shop for food, make food, eat, and read fashion magazines, and take care of Kar. I hate my life.” said Aneko as she wiped the tears forming at the corners of her eye.

Aneko was never a person to play her life on repeat. Things like that always drove her absolutely insane, something always had to be different from the day before, and otherwise her day was a ruined one. This was why I liked her so much when we dated, because I love change. This isn’t the type of lifestyle she can handle. I don’t know how she’s made it this far…

“Kar has my light blue eyes, but she had her father’s black hair, but she got the thinness in her hair from me though. I can never stop playing with her hair, every time I see it I think of him. My home is so small Nate; I don’t even have a crib. I have a mattress on the floor that both she and I sleep on. I don’t own a couch; I have a bean bag chair though. I really hate my life, and I’ve missed you so much. How have you been?” said Aneko. She attempted to smile and change the subject. After hearing all of that I knew it was all just a fake smile to make me think she’ll be okay.

“I’ve never been great with advice Aneko. I’m really sorry life’s been rough with you. Do you remember when we went on our first date, where I took you?” I asked curiously.

“The Zoo, I was shocked as ever that you’d do that.” said Aneko tapping her finger on the table as she thought about it.

I smiled, “It was freshmen year, and I loved animals.” I said laughing.

“What happened to that love for them now?” asked Aneko.

“They’re too needy.” I said.

Aneko began to laugh, and then I started to remember all the good times we had when we went out.

I’m not one for helping someone out, but I want to help make her feel better somehow.

“What do you say we relive that day?” I asked.

She gave me a questioning look.

This was the perfect way to make her day. I just know it.

“Look, I have a girlfriend now, but that doesn’t mean we can’t pretend we’re going on a date to the Zoo.” I said with a smile.

She giggled, “You’re silly. You’re going to act like you did back then, aren’t you?”

I grinned, “You know my ideas so well.” I said.

“Do they even have a zoo around here?” she asked.

“Yeah they do, so what do you say? Go on a date with me to the Zoo?” I asked.

She smiled, “Sounds fantastic.”

“Good.” I said and stood up and held my hand out.

“Wait, I have to pay for the bill first.” She said.

“Aneko, it’s a date, the man pays for it.” I said with a smile and I did exactly just that and then came back and she stood up and linked arms with me.

“Fine, but this is a pretend date. Okay Nate?” said Aneko as she walked with me down to my car.

I smiled, “Of course.”

We got in the car and I began to drive down to one of the Zoo’s I remember Vonia talking about taking Ren to go too.

Yeah, maybe I should be going with Vonia and my own son to the Zoo. Aneko is a good friend of mine now though, and I know if I just leave her be, she might do something stupid and I’ll feel like shit because I’ll feel like I could’ve done something. So why can’t I do something with her so I’m not ever left with that guilty feeling?

We arrived at the Zoo, and I opened the door for her. Okay, maybe I was being more of a gentleman then I’ve ever been to any girl I’ve ever dated, but I didn’t like Aneko like that anymore, so it was okay for me to be like this.

I held out my hand and she smiled and slid her fingers against mine and held my hand and then said, “If your girlfriend finds out and gets pissed off at me, you better tell her it was your idea, and that it’s not a real date, it’s a pretend date.” said Aneko.

I laughed, “Don’t worry Aneko, it’ll be just fine. Just have fun with me.” I said.

She shook her head and then smiled and squeezed my hand.

We then walked up and I bought the ticket we needed to get in, and of course I paid for her.

We started walking around and looking at all the animals, laughing and smiling like we did way back when. Back when we didn’t have bills to pay, back when I actually didn’t mind dating a girl more than a mere week.

“I love the cute little chimps.” said Aneko.

“They’re so ugly.” I said.

“Not uh! They are so adorable!” she said.

“I prefer the lions.” I said.

“Yeah, of course, love the animal that can rip your throat out.” said Aneko glaring at me.

“They wouldn’t rip my throat out; they’d make me one of them. What can I say, I’m just that hot.” I said.

Aneko started laughing and then she hit my arm, “God Nate, you really know how to make me laugh!”

“Excuse me Mister, could you give me some of those oats up there?” said young child like voice.

I looked down to see a girl who looked about the age of seven holding her hand out.

“The oats?” I asked.

We were by the goats feeding them, and I hadn’t realized that the oat bucket was right on top of the table. Unfortunately it was about two inches to tall for her to reach.

I smiled at her as I started to remember my little sisters when they were her age. I was always the tallest, if anything needed to be reached; I was there to help them grab it.

“Sure.” I said with a smile, and then I picked her up, and she reached her hand out and grabbed a handful of the oats.

I then set her down on her feet, “Thank you mister!” she said and then ran off to feed the goats.

I looked back at Aneko to see her smiling at me with a big glimmering light in her eyes.

“What?” I asked.

“You are really good with little kids.” She said with a smile.

“No I’m not.” I said laughing, “I’m okay, as long as there female.”

“Why only female?” she asked.

“Well, because I have two little sisters and I did a pretty damn good job at being there big brother.” I said.

Aneko then grinned.

“What?” I asked.

“Oh, nothing.” She said and then she started to dance around a bit, swinging back and forth as she walked.

I followed, “You are oddly happy.” I said.

“How is it odd?” she asked.

“Well, you were happy before, but now you seem even happier.” I said.

Aneko turned and smiled and me and said, “I’m glad we dated back then. If my daughter was in your care, I could die happy.”

“Yeah, but you aren’t dying, so don’t even say that.” I said and grabbed her hand and held it as we walked out of the Zoo.

“I’ve gone through a lot shit and it’s all been so recent. I’ve reached my limit Nate, but thanks to you, that’s not a total bad thing.” said Aneko.

“How so?” I asked.

She smiled and said, “My daughter will be safe now.” Then she proceeded to walk around while swinging our arms as we walked, and swaying herself back and forth.

“Where do you live?” asked Aneko, “I’d love it if I could stop by sometime and meet your girlfriend.”

I smiled, “If you have a paper and pen, I’ll jot it down for you.” I said.

She smiled and then let go of my hand and reached in her purse and pulled out a pen and little note card and handed it to me. Of course she’d have a freaking note card.

I wrote it down and then handed it to her.

“I’ll text you mine.” She said with a smile.

“I should’ve just did that, texted you it.” I said and shook my head.

“It’s okay, Thank you for today. I really needed that. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do about Kar, but now I know, and now I’m in a good mood, and I feel that I can do what I’ve been planning on doing without feeling guilty.” said Aneko.

“What’s the thing you are planning to do?” I asked.

“Oh nothing.” She said and smiled big.

“You know, you are probably my favorite Asian ex, out of my entire ex’s.” I said as I scratched my chin slightly.

She rolled her eyes at me as she got into the car. I got into the car after she did and began driving us back to the café.

When I parked, she unbuckled her seatbelt and kissed my cheek.

“Thank you so much for that Nate.” said Aneko.

“Anytime.” I said as she opened the car door and shut it.

After that I drove home, and when I got home, I went right to my room and fell on my bed.

The next morning I woke up with Vonia lying right next to me.

“Morning…” I mumbled.

She opened her eyes and then smiled at me and said, “Good Morning Nate.”

I got up and went right to the shower, she followed.

It seems like ever since that night I came home from what Sammy did, Vonia and I have been having a lot more sex. Now, I’m not saying we’re having as much sex as we did before she was pregnant, but it’s improvement.

When I was at work, Sammy avoided eye contact with me, and she pretty much avoided me. I didn’t care though; I have enough of shit in my life to deal with. Reia is still dating Kimie, and it’s actually gotten rather annoying.

Kimie has pet names for Reia, and that’s something Reia hates. Despite that, Reia still responds to it, and she’s still acting so fucking obedient and it’s pissing me the fuck off.

After work I ditched Reia, I didn’t even go get her to take her home.

Fuck her. Honestly. Fuck her. She can get her little demanding, controlling fucking girlfriend to take her home.

She pisses me off.

She KNOWS she’s acting so unlike herself, yet she still won’t admit it, it’s obnoxious.

When I was in the car I heard my phone ring and I saw that I had a text message from Aneko. When I was at the red light I opened it and it said her address. That was about all that was in the text, which surprised me greatly. Ever since that day at the café we’ve been talking a lot more than we used to.

Over the course of the next couple weeks, Aneko has been texting me less and less.

One night I decided since it was one of those rare times that I have a day off at all three jobs on the same day that I’d take Vonia and Jayden to dinner. I know, so unlike me right?

I just feel like I need to try to get better at this whole parent thing. Although I really don’t have any interest in kids, I still have a kid.

When I suggested dinner she got so excited, her eyes beam with it. She ran right into her room to get ready. When she walked out of her room she had on high black heals with a silky skin tight black dress, with her beautiful blonde hair up in a unique hairstyle. Now, I was just wearing black pants and a tight fitted red shirt, but since she was so dressed up, I ended up changing a little to make it a little fancy.

I waited at the door for her. When she came over she had Jayden in a little tux, and his blonde hair spiked up.

I couldn’t help but to grin. It looks like Vonia didn’t lose all of her coolness after having a baby. I’m glad.

“I’m ready babe.” She said.

I smiled and kissed her sweet lips, and she bit my bottom lip slightly.

It was almost as if the spark had re-ignited right then and there. I could’ve dropped everything and shoved her against the wall right now. Unfortunately she had Jayden in her arms, and that pretty much killed that idea.

“Am I coming along?” I turned around to see Nadia leaning against the couch and staring at us with a glare.

“No.” I said.

“Fuck off.” said Vonia.

“Ren is your son as well Nate.” said Nadia.

“I can bring him too, you just can’t go.” I said with a smirk.

She rolled her eyes, “Fuck you Nate, fuck you.” She said and walked away and slammed the door to baby room.

“Let’s go.” I said and Vonia nodded with a smile on her face.

It wasn’t till I got to the restaurant that I realized I forgot my phone. I guess it didn’t really matter, I wasn’t really waiting on anyone to text me, and I never really am either.

I got out of the car and Vonia got out and got Jayden from the back seat. She then handed him to me as she grabbed her purse.

I looked at Jayden and he looked back at me with a smile and said, “Daddy!” and pointed at me.

I blinked.

“Uh, here.” I said and handed him back to Vonia.

I don’t know if it can be a cute for a guy to think another guy is cute. He is my son, so is it okay to think that he’s…err…cute?

We walked into the restaurant and sat down and started to look at the menu and order. Jayden was fussing around so Vonia told me to order for her and she went to go change Jayden’s diaper and feed him with the bottle she brought it the car.

I sighed. I almost forgot how a Mother has baggage. Then again I’m not one for talking since I’m a Father with this baggage. Man, this sucks ass.

She came back with a smile, and I gave her a mere half smile back.

We finally began eating, and every time I looked up, I’d see Vonia feeding Jayden.

I guess I couldn’t help but to smile at it. I really don’t get parenting, but she’s doing it so well. Maybe there really is such a thing as a mother’s instinct.

It had begun to rain once dinner was finished. We thought if we had dessert and stayed longer, that the rain would be less thick, but it ended up raining even harder.

We ran to the car and Jayden remained in Vonia’s lap in the passenger’s seat as we drove home.

When we got home, we stayed in the car for a bit with the heater on.

“I can’t believe how hard it’s raining.”said Vonia.

I sighed, “Yeah, it sucks.” I said.

I leaned back in the driver’s seat and yawned.

Vonia was playing with Jayden for a bit.

A half an hour later, my mind started to think about Aneko, and that one day we hung out at the café and went on a pretend date.

I started to remember the words she said, “I’m glad we dated back then. If my daughter was in your care, I could die happy.”

Then she said, “I’ve gone through a lot shit and it’s all been so recent. I’ve reached my limit Nate, but thanks to you, that’s not a total bad thing.”

I didn’t think about what she meant. I never thought too much in what she said that day.

Now that I’m sitting down and thinking about it, what did she mean by that? “If my daughter was in your care I could die happy.” “…I’ve reached my limit Nate, but thanks to you it’s not a total bad thing.”

What did she mean by all of that? She was acting so happy after I helped that girl out, happier than I’ve ever seen her.

She said, “My daughter will be safe now.” How does her daughter suddenly become safe again from Aneko hanging out with me? How was her daughter not safe from before? I thought her daughter was always safe if with Aneko. It’s not like Aneko would do anything bad to her daughter….

My eyes widened as the puzzle pieces from that day started to come together.

“Aneko…” I said out loud.

Vonia turned and looked at me, “Who’s that?” she asked.

I opened my car door and ran down to the end of the street.

I reached a light post and I then started to feel this huge sharp pain in my heart.

I don’t know why, but I couldn’t breathe.

I started to remember the address she sent me in the text. I did look it up that day as well. I memorized how to get there, and that’s exactly where I was going to go right now.

I ran and ran, and ran more, I ran till I was out of breath, and then I stood there for only a minute before running again. Aneko wasn’t close by to my house, it would’ve been better if I took the car, but I didn’t care. All I can think about right now is, Aneko, Aneko, Aneko, her safety, her life, her, her, and her.

She’s been going through such pain, and I knew it all along, but I thought she’d be okay, I thought she’d stay strong.

She has a baby after all, why wouldn’t she stay strong for her child? She’s a mother to after all, why would she do something such as kill herself? Why would she do something like that to her kid? Being left without a Mother is something not even I can imagine being left without.

I finally arrived at the place. It looked horribly ugly, it had mold growing on it, scratches, as if something with claws had been trying to get in. The paint was chipping off as well, and the door was unlocked when I tried it.

I walked in; it was exactly as Aneko had described it.

She had one bean bag on the floor, and in her kitchen she had a shitty stove, and a half fridge. She had barely anything in her cupboard. Not many plates, there was at most three, and she had one pot, no pans, or anything else. She didn’t have a table, and when I walked around looking at the walls I could see it wasn’t, and hasn’t ever been painted.

“Aneko!” I yelled out. I kept yelling out Aneko’s name as I slowly made my way to her room. When I walked into her room I saw magazines all over her bed, ripped up, and it looked like she had taken a knife and stabbed every one of them. There was one set of bite marks on her soft textured favorite book.

At this point my body began to tremble as the thoughts of what had just happened to Aneko.

She couldn’t have possibly run away.

I walked out of her room and down to the bathroom. I knocked lightly on it, and then opened the door knob slowly. When the door was open my eyes went wide in fear, and shock.

I saw pools of blood on the ground, and I simply took one step in, and saw her arm hanging out of the bathtub with slashes coming down her wrist, the gash was deep at her wrist.

I froze into the exact spot I was in.

I heard someone screaming my name from a far.

I realized it was Vonia, but despite that, I couldn’t move.

When Vonia found me, she screamed at what she saw and took out her phone and began to call 911, she then put her hand to her mouth as if she was going to puke and she ran out.

I looked down at the pool of blood and took one step and I was soon stepping in blood as I looked over and saw Aneko. Her brown curly hair was soaking wet, which made it straight, her bangs were to one side, covering half her eye. Her makeup ran down her face, you could tell she cried a lot before she died. Eyeliner, mascara, and sparkles had run down her face as tears fell. I knew what a mess a girl’s makeup became when she would cry. I would know. I did make a lot of girls cry in my past. I know, I know, I’m horrible .

I took another step closer, and I saw that she had on the most beautiful dress. It was her very favorite dress, it was made of silk, and the trim of it had red lace, the bow was red, and her dress, and it was a short dress. The dress she wore when I took her to the dance she had been invited to from Fashion school that I went with her to. She actually made that dress by her own hand; it was her favorite because it was the first dress she didn’t hate after making. It’s not like her dresses before weren’t good, they just weren't good enough for her in the slightest. This one though, it got so many compliments, and people wanted her to make them one like it. She was so happy that day; she told me it was the happiest day of her life…

I looked over to see her phone was broken into pieces on the floor near the trash can.

All I could see was flashbacks now, of when we were young, and going out on dates to the zoo, and the park and such. How her smile brightened everything else up. I then remembered at the café, how drained her eyes looked, how I didn’t say anything that could’ve possibly saved her. What was I thinking? What was I thinking when just spending one day with her on some pretend date? I should’ve realized sooner, that this was going to happen. She made it so fucking obvious too. I punched myself and bit my lip hard as I trembled and tears began to flow a little, down my face.

I heard sirens, but not a lot, just a little before next thing I knew they were running in front of me and to her.

One woman patted my back, she was saying something but I couldn’t hear.

Vonia grabbed my hand and pulled me from the bathroom, as they crowded in there.

She pulled me outside, they asked me what went on and crap.

I told them I ran here and saw all of this.

I told her everything.

I saw her write down, “Potentially a suicide?”

Vonia had a pained look on her face, and tears down her face as well; she hugged Jayden in her arms tightly, and told me we should go home.

It took about twenty minutes before I walked with her to the car, the rain washed the blood from my shoes, but didn’t remove the blood stains from it.

When we arrived home, Vonia looked over at me.

“We need to go inside sweetie.” She said in a gentle voice.

I didn’t budge; I didn’t even acknowledge what she said.

She repeated herself again and again, until Jayden started to cry in the back, and then she got out of the car and went to the back to hold Jayden.

I got out of the car while she did that, and I didn’t even bother to shut it. I walked up the stairs, dragging my feet as I went. I stopped to look up; the rain forced me to close my eyes tightly shut as it hit my face. I felt…oddly empty.

I never realized how much Aneko really meant to me. Before I had just pushed her off as another ex…

I made it up to my second story apartment door and I froze to see a basket.

I heard crying coming from it.

I went over to see a child in it, and it was crying.

My eyes widened.

If my child was in your care, I could die happy. I grabbed the basket and then went inside the house where it was easier to see the child.

It was still crying…

It had to be Aneko’s daughter…

I pulled off my wet shirt, and tossed it to the floor; I then bent down and caressed the child’s cheek gently.

I then picked her up just as Vonia walked through the door with Jayden; her eyes went wide in shock and puzzlement.

I held her against me with her blanket wrapped around her. I closed my eyes as I held her against me, and a tear fell down my face.

The words of Aneko were now on repeat in my mind.

“If my daughter was in your care, I could die happy.”

“If my daughter was in your care, I could die happy.”

“If my daughter was in your care, I could die happy.”

“If my daughter was in your care, I could die happy.”

“If my daughter was in your care, I could die happy.”

“Who do you think left their child here Nate?” asked Vonia.

“Whose child is this? I wonder who left their child at our door.” said Vonia.

“Her name is Kari, and she’s mine.” I said as I held her in my arms and buried my face into the blanket she had.

Aneko’s words repeated again in my mind:

“My daughter will be safe now.”

“My daughter will be safe now.”

“If my daughter was in your care, I could die happy.”

“What do you mean Nate?” asked Vonia.

“Someone left her here trusting we’d take care of her.” I said and my eyes lowered down as I looked into the babies light, angelic, blue eyes.

“Nate, I don’t know if we can afford another child right now…” she said and the light in her eyes died down.

“She will be safe now.” I said.

Vonia stared at me in surprise.

“I’ll protect her as if she was my own daughter.” I said as I looked Vonia right in the eyes.

“I’ll protect you.” I said as my blue eyes met Kari’s blue eyes.

I knew Kari was her real name. The name Aneko named her, and her nickname Aneko gave Kari was Kar. It’s cute, it really is.

I looked down at the basket to see papers folded sticking out from under the pillow.

I kneeled down and grabbed them.

It was her birth information. She was going to be two soon…

I then went through the papers as Kari was in my arms. She had ceased to cry again after I had picked her up.

“Nate, please take care of my daughter. I love her more than anything in this world, and I couldn’t bare the idea of leaving her with anyone I didn’t know. I couldn’t take the pain anymore. I tried so hard to just hold on, but my depression got the better of me. I started cutting and drinking, and I don’t ever want my daughter to have to deal with a drunken, fucked up Mother, ever. The idea of it depressed me further. I reached my limit, and have passed it, I really have Nate. I know that if she’s with you, I can die happy. My daughter deserves nothing but the best, and Nate, to me, you really are the best. I love her with all my heart, my soul, and everything I’ve ever been. I also love her far more than her Father, and I always have. Please protect her with your life, take good care of her Nate. Show her all your love, and love her with everything you have, and are. Please. It would mean so much to me, and it is my dying wish. Please give Kari my necklace. I love you Nate, and thank you. Please also tell my daughter how much I love her, tell her everything someday Nate… Thank you. This means everything to me; I’ll be watching you from the skies. Love always, Aneko.”

I saw the envelop near the side of the basket. I knew it contained the necklace...

I hadn’t realized, but tears had somehow snuck out of my eyes.

I looked up at Vonia who stood there in wide eye.

“She’s ours love, ours.” I said to her, looking right into her eyes as I said it, and she nodded her head slowly.

I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle Vonia had made for Jayden and fed it to Kari. I then carried Kari to my room and laid her down on my bed.

I slept that night with my arm around her and all of those papers in the drawer next to me.

I can’t afford more children, but I want Kari.

Aneko left her to me.

I’ll work even harder.

I promise you Aneko, my friend, I will take very good care of her, as if she was my own daughter, as if she was a child I wanted.