Sexy? Why yes I am.

Four years have gone by, and now that we have all officially hit twenty-four, I was able to celebrate how Nate and I have been together for seven years now. Me, not Nadia, not any other girl Nate’s been with, but me, Vonia. People kept saying we wouldn’t last, because Nate doesn’t like staying with something for so long, saying he likes change. But guess what? I still have him, so every person out there who said that can shove that up there ass.

Yes, Nate and I do fight sometimes, but that’s just a normal couple thing. I think any couple that doesn’t fight is completely in denial about the flaws of their partner. I’ve gotten in better shape, I’m not as skinny as I was before, but I’m still skinny. I used to be a size three, but now I’m a size four, almost a five, but I’ve somehow managed to stay at a four. Getting rid of baby weight wasn’t a very easy thing to do like I thought it would be.

Nadia is still around, and annoying the crap out of me as usual. She still somehow feels like competition for me. She’s all over Nate when he comes home now. She wasn’t like that a couple years ago, she was more verbal than anything. Now she’s changed to just getting up and trying to kiss him, or flirting, being seductive. Those are few of the things I cannot handle with this woman. She’ll do it in front of her son Ren too. I always shove her away from him, but I’d do so much more if my son wasn’t standing there. It takes so much restraint for me not to just attack her. I know if I did attack her, it wouldn’t end with just that. She’s changed a little over the years; she went from unstable, to a little more stable, to drop down unstable. I understand that if I start that fight, she won’t let it go, and I need to be careful. I have to protect my son.

Jayden and Ren are six years old and little Kari is on her way to being six. At first I didn’t like the idea of raising Kari as one of our own. I was afraid that Nate wouldn’t take care of Kari and I’d end up with the job of taking care of two small children. I was also afraid that Nate was going to neglect Jayden even more so. I was afraid of so many things, but after the tragedy of that woman, Nate became a better Father.

Its odd how something awful happens in someone’s life and it changes them forever. I didn’t know that woman met so much to Nate, and he told me he didn’t think she did either, until he lost her. Her name is Aneko, and she was one of Nate’s ex-girlfriends; I’ll admit I was somewhat suspicious of him cheating on me and Kari truly being his child, but in the end I was wrong. I learned that I need to trust Nate much more, instead of assuming he’s just going to cheat on me. He’s truly proven to me, he loves me. Although our life probably won’t be ending in a fairytale, I have hopes that it will. I only doubt it because the evil still lives with us; Nadia.

When Nate started taking care of Kari, she’d always be sleeping in his room with him. He didn’t want to be bothered with getting a crib, so for a couple of weeks I let it go. It was rather cute walking into his room and seeing him having adorable little Kari in his arms. I’ll admit I was jealous it wasn’t Jayden in his arms sleeping with him. I also was wishing that Kari was my daughter, my real daughter. I know Nate told me to just treat Kari like my own, but I had a little anger deep inside me. A type of anger I didn’t want to admit too, but now I can. I was angry that Nate would start taking care of some other woman’s baby and not his own. It pissed me off beyond belief. Even though he started paying attention to Jayden and Ren, it still angers me. Jayden and Ren should’ve been the first he showed all his love to, not some other child that isn’t even his. I just wish Nate showed the love he did with Kari, to his own children first. I can’t change the fact that he didn’t, I know, I truly do know, but I can’t help but to just wish.

Nate is very protective of Kari. Heck, on her first day of school, he told Ren and Jayden that if they didn’t keep Kari safe, he’d let the little monsters under their bed get them. Which I think that was messed up of him to do, because Jayden came home and asked me to check under his bed with fear so bright in his blue eyes. Although Ren acted much different, he came home and went over to Nadia, and tugged on her pant leg. When she tells him to go away, he does. Nadia still treats Ren like complete shit, her own goddamn son. Ever since Ren was born, she’d neglect him, and I didn’t do anything about it. He isn’t my son, so why should I do anything about it? He’s not mine; although I do feel so bad for Ren.

The only person, who gives poor little Ren attention, is Nate, and Nate never really gave attention to Ren until a few years back. Ren acts very distant towards people that come over. When they come over to talk to him, he runs off, or he just stares at them until they go away.

Jayden acts completely different; he loves to talk to people, and he’s very kind to people, unlike Ren. Ren is always doing things that just make you wonder. Jayden and Ren don’t get along; figures, Nadia and I never got along, so I guess it carried over. Ren and Jayden are always fighting, and Kari is always in the middle of all of it.

I remember one time I woke up from being unable to sleep and I saw Ren leaning against his Mothers door. He was shivering, and his blue eyes had a look of such pain. I felt bad for him, so what I did was grab a blanket from the closet. I went over to him and opened up the blanket and put it over him. When I turned around I felt someone tugging on my shirt. I turned around to see Ren standing there and holding the blanket out to me, glaring at me. I told him I got the blanket for him, but he only shook his head and told me I wasn’t his Mother. That put me into shock when he said that. I wasn’t trying to be his Mother, I was just being nice to him, but it seems the only kindness he wanted, was his very own Mothers.

At that point I simply took the blanket from him and set it down. I told him if he wanted it, it was right there. He never did take the blanket. I checked around three in the morning to see if he did, he didn’t. At this point I couldn’t take it anymore, I put the blanket over him again, and that made him angry. He stomped over to me and shoved it at my legs, and went back to sitting against Nadia’s door. What the fuck was wrong with this kid? Seriously, I just wanted him to not catch a god damn cold. I don’t know why Ren was being so rude about it. Jayden would’ve been more than just happy if he had an extra blanket at a cold night like this, yet, Ren’s so different. I put the blanket over Ren again, and he screamed at me at that point, and at that point I had officially had enough of him. I went right into the room where I was sleeping with Nate, and woke him up. I told Nate to get his goddamn son to go back to bed. I pretty much yelled at Nate saying how he’s out in the cold and won’t even accept a blanket.

Nate told me not to worry about anything, and he got up and walked out of the room. I watched from across the hallway, as Nate turned on the hallway light and sat down across from Ren. He placed his hand on Ren’s head and said, “Son, do you have any idea on how much you mean to me?”

When Nate said that, it surprised me. I was expecting him to say something different like, “Go to bed, now.”

Ren’s cold pained eyes faded and he looked up into Nate’s blue eyes.

“Well, do you?” Nate asked.

Ren shook his head.

Nate sighed and then stood up and held his hand up and said, “Get up Ren.” In a very demanding, low voice.

Ren stood automatically and took Nate’s hand; his Father’s hand.

“We’re going outside.” Nate said.

My eyes went wide, Is Nate fucking insane?! It’s freezing cold out there!

I wanted to stop them and tell Nate how cold it was outside, but then I realized he probably knew that already. Plus Nate told me not to worry, but I can’t help but to be curious now on what he’s going to tell Ren.

When they walked out the front door, I sat next to the door, and had it partially open and I peeked through.

I watched as Nate picked up Ren and sat him on his lap on the swing we had just bought and set up yesterday.

Nate then wrapped his arm around Ren.

“I know you love your Mother very much son, I know you wish for nothing more than to have her show her feelings for you. You should know though, Mommy isn’t very…stable.” said Nate to Ren.

I was surprised at how forward Nate was being with Ren, but that could’ve possibly been because Nate doesn’t really know how to put things in a way that it helps them be okay.

“Why?” Ren mumbled out.

“Why you ask son? Well because Mommy was spoiled as a child. Her Mother gave her everything she wanted. Your grandmother would buy her anything she wanted. Any type of toy, and allowed her to do what she wanted, and barely ever punished her for it when it was something wrong. Your Mommy was used to getting what she wanted, and when her Mother got a divorce from her Father, she was torn. Soon after she wanted them to get back together, but it was something Grandma wouldn’t give Mommy. Soon enough Mommy was experiencing not getting what she wanted with everything in life, so your Mother isn’t very stable.” Nate said.

Nate did leave out the fact that it wasn’t just toys Nadia’s Mother bought her, but razors. I guess Nate does know how to lessen how bad something truly is. What he’s saying isn’t even the full story, but a six year old can’t seriously understand any of it anyways, it’s complicated. It sounds more like he’s giving him a lesson on why he shouldn’t act spoiled…

“What’s a divorce?” asked Ren in a low voice.

“It’s were two people who love each other, fight to much, and decide it’s better off if they go and date other people.” said Nate.

I could tell Nate was struggling to explain it in a way he’d understand; that had to be why he was struggling.

“Oh…” was all Ren said before looking down.

“Your Mom doesn’t know how to show her feelings for you, so please forgive her and love her anyways.” said Nate to Ren.

“I love my Mommy…even though she doesn’t love me.” said Ren, you could tell he was straining from just breaking down.

Nate put his chin on Ren’s head and said, “Why do you fight with Jayden?” he asked.

“He’s so stupid. I hate him.” said Ren.

“Why?” asked Nate.

“He’s always being annoying.” said Ren and he punched his leg in anger at the thought of Jayden.

Nate only went quiet for a moment before asking a different question.

“How do you feel about Kari? Do you like Kari?” Nate asked.

“She’s really pretty…” said Ren blushing slightly.

Nate smiled and turned Ren to face him.

“You should always protect and love Kari.” said Nate.

Ren blinked, “Why? Because she’s nice and really pretty?” asked Ren.

“No, the reason is because she will always love you no matter what. Kari loves you, and so do I. We would never want anything to happen to you. You should always protect the people you hold dear to you. Kari will be someone you’re going to end up needing in your life, so you might as well protect her and keep her around you. You’re Mother and I won’t be around forever you know. It’s always good to have someone you can trust around, and I can tell she’ll do that perfectly for you, son. Plus, she’s the only one you seem to like to be nice to at school and home.” said Nate chuckling a bit.

Ren looked down and said, “How can I not like Kari? She’s always…being so good to me.”

“Well, that’s a good thing. Right?” said Nate.

Ren nodded.

“It’s cold out here, how about we both head off to bed?” asked Nate.

Ren nodded once more.

“Good.” said Nate with a smile on his face as he helped Ren down off the swing.

I quickly rushed back to the room and waited for Nate.

When Nate came back, he sat next to me and smiled.

He kissed my lips and said, “I took care of Ren, thank you for caring about him despite him not being yours.”

I know that Nate was being sincere, but in my mind it sounded like it could’ve been sarcastic. I’ve never really helped Ren out. I left Ren to Nadia, since he is after all her son. What business is it for me to take care of him as well as my own son Jayden? I just never felt I had the right to do anything for him. I guess I feel guilty though, because she treated him so badly. She’d leave him crying, turning the TV volume up whenever he did cry. She locked him in the closet before many times, he was screaming every time. I actually bitched Nadia out on that but she never let him out, that is until it was almost time for Nate to come home. I remember playing with Jayden and Ren just standing there watching us, I knew he wanted exactly what my son had. That’s why I think Ren dislikes Jayden, because Jayden has what he doesn’t have with his Mother.

I don’t think Nate needed to tell Ren what he said about Kari. When Nate’s at work, I watch how Ren behaves around Kari and Jayden. He’s always pushing Jayden away from Kari, and when Jayden won’t stay away from Kari he yells at him. When I check on them at school, Ren is always right next to Kari. I’ve talked to the teacher. They tell me he won’t speak much unless it’s with Kari. They’ve also told me how he hasn’t made any new friends ever since he started; he’s just been with Kari and her friends the entire time.

Ren might need a therapist in his future. Nadia really fucked him up.

I laid there in my bed unable to sleep, thinking about all of this, and that’s when I realized just how concerned I was about Ren. He’s only six years old, and he’s already been going through hell ever since he was born, how can I not be concerned about his well being? I guess I’m kind of contradicting myself; I don’t think I have a right to help Ren, but I’m worrying about him. Honestly…

The next morning I woke up, and of course Nate wasn’t there beside me. He always gets up and goes to work. Thankfully he finished school, so he’s had a tad more time to come home and make everyone happy. He truly does lighten the mood in the house.

I made cupcakes for the kids; I thought cupcakes sounded wonderful to have in such cold weather like this.

I gave one to Jayden, and he politely said, “Thank you.” I taught my son some pretty good manners, I’m glad I did. I feel appreciated when he does that.

I then handed one to pretty little Kari, and she smiled up at me with her incredibly light blue eyes glimmering at me. Kari’s eyes were way lighter then Nate’s eyes, and Jayden and Ren’s as well. It’s funny how they all have blue eyes though. It looks like Nate’s blue eyes are an incredibly dominate trait. I’m glad it is though, because I love blue eyes.

I went over to Ren who was sitting next to Kari and building with the blocks, and I held out the cupcake.

He stared at the cupcake and then at me.

“Go on, take it.” I said with a smile.

He shook his head and turned the other way.

I really don’t understand why he doesn’t like me. I mean, yeah, his Mother and I fight, but come on. I’m nicer to him them his Mother has ever been in his life.

“You’re Daddy wanted me to give this to you.” I said lying to him of course.

He then turned around and grabbed the cupcake.

It was sad that I had to lie to him to get him to take the cupcake.

Honestly…what is wrong with him?

I walked away, and a minute later I peeked from the kitchen to see him feeding his cupcake to Kari, and Kari feeding her cupcake to him with an adorable smile on her face.

Ren can be a sweet kid, he just needs to like the person, which seems to be the most difficult thing for him.

Tomorrow was Nate’s day off, but I’ll be off getting Jayden, Kari, and Ren there shots, so I won’t be home, and plus I also have so much clothes shopping to do.

I really wish I could spend his day off with him.

Maybe he’ll want to come along with me…

Then again I highly doubt it.