Sexy? Why yes I am.

There was the feeling of being overwhelmed when I woke up today. I couldn’t quite figure out why I felt that way.

I walked out to see Nadia on the couch with a guy on each side of her. When she saw me she smirked at me.

“Why do you have guys over this early?” I asked.

“Oh shut up Vonia, if you’re jealous, just go grab your own.” said Nadia.

I shook my head and turned into the kids rooms. I looked over at Jayden who still had his eyes closed. I put my hand on his head and then kissed his forehead and smiled. I turned around to see Ren staring at me. Ren was sitting up, facing me, with Kari’s head lying on his lap. His hand was on her back, and when I took a step towards him, he glared at me.

When I opened my lips to say something, he took his right hand and with his index finger he put it towards the lips, to tell me to shh.
…..
Ren’s behavior always seems to surprise me. His teachers are very curious about him. Nadia doesn’t go with Nate to the parent teacher conferences, so I go. I go since I need to go anyways to sit and hear about my own son. What she says about Ren though is rather interesting. She told us that Ren is brilliant, and that he could if he wanted to, skip a grade. She told us how he shows his intelligence in the most discrete ways.

Then she started telling us about his odd behavior. She told us how when a boy get’s near Kari he gets protective. He’ll tell the boy to go away, or he’ll say something mean to them. The teacher told us he was basically doing anything he could to make them leave. She told us how Ren made some of the other boys cry, and when they cried, he laughed. Now when I heard this I was appalled at it. Why would a child feel good about making another cry? Then she proceeded on saying how she would separate Kari and him. When Nate asked her why she was doing such a thing, she gave a look of puzzlement. This was her exact words, “Aren’t they brother and sister? If they are, this kind of a thing isn’t healthy. I mean, I get how a brother could be protective of his sister, but what he does isn’t normal for a child his age.” She thought just because they lived in the same household that they were related. When Nate told her they weren’t related, she exhaled in relief. I could tell she must’ve dealt with something like this in the past with related siblings.

……

I shook my head at Ren and thought to myself, He’s one odd kid.

I walked out of the room and into the kitchen.

A man with dark brown hair was leaning against the cabinet and eating an apple; he looked up at me with his light brown eyes and smiled. “I hope you don’t mind.” He said.

“I guess not.” I said. This guy wasn’t scary looking like the last few guys Nadia’s brought back. I went to the fridge and grabbed the bowel which was full of cut up strawberries and berries. Then I made myself a plate.

“Do you own this place?” He asked.

I turned t face him, I took my fork and stabbed some berries and put them in my mouth before responding.

“My boyfriend pays for this place.” I said.

“It’s pretty nice; I’m on my way to getting one as well. I’m rather tired of living in my apartment with some guy I don’t even know.” He said laughing a little.

“Yeah it is pretty nice living in this place. We have room for things and we hope to have more when Nadia moves out someday.” I said.

“Moves out? She told me she bought this place.” He said.

“Nope, my boyfriend bought this place and she’s just here.” I said.

“Ah I see. Nate’s the name of your boyfriend then?” he asked.

“Yep.” I said and stabbed some strawberries and put it in my mouth.

“He never seems to be home though.” He said.

“Well, he has two jobs.” I said.

“That must suck to never have the one you love ever home.” He said.

I set down my fork and looked at him, “If you had four people to support and adding yourself is five, I’m pretty sure you’d get two damn jobs. What’s your name anyways?” I asked.

“I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to offend you. I’m James.” He said and looked down and then back up at me.

I didn’t realize I had just snapped at him, and now I felt bad.

“Don’t worry about it.” I said and smiled.

“Alright, thank you.” said James.

“Do you want what I’m having?” I asked in attempt to make up for snapping at him earlier.

I stabbed some of my berries and strawberries and lifted it up; he came over and put his mouth on the fork right when I opened my mouth.

He smiled up at me once he finished chewing, he winked at me and said, “Thank you.” Then he walked out of the kitchen.

I just stood there in shock. Was he being a little flirty with me there?

I shrugged it off and kept on eating and continued on with my day.

For the past week, James has been coming over and every time we talk. When the second week came around we became friends.

“How’s the boyfriend?” asked James as he came into the kitchen and leaned against the counter as I cooked.

“He’s good.” I said.

“What about you?” asked James, and then he came over to my side where I was cooking and turned his head and looked at me.

“I’m doing great.” I said.

“You don’t seem very happy. Is Nate not giving you enough attention?” He asked, and then when I turned my head to look at him, he pushed some of my hair out of my face and behind my ear.

I’m just going to ignore that gesture…

“He takes days off, and he spends it when he can with me and our kids.” I said.

“Ah I see. I remember when I had a kid.” said James.

My eyes widened in surprise and I said, “You had a kid?”

He chuckled and said, “Yeah, I got a girl pregnant when I was fifteen. She committed suicide after the baby was born. She couldn’t stand the fact her body changed as much as it did. I wanted to keep my baby girl, but my parents told me I had to put her up for adoption.”

I put down my spatula and faced him and said, “Do you ever think about her?” I asked.

“I have many times, and I’ve thought about how I actually would’ve loved to start a family. I’m actually a family guy believe it or not. Ha.” said James and then he smiled.

“I’m a family woman, but my boyfriend isn’t huge with it, but that’s okay.” I said and then continued to cook.

“Is that why you two haven’t married?” asked James.

“He doesn’t really like the idea of marriage.” I said.

“Why not? It’s just uniting two people who love each other together forever.” said James.

“Yeah I know, but I respect his decision.” I said pretty much forcing that out.

“You don’t seem to like it at all.” said James.

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” I said in a sigh.

I felt his arm go around my shoulder and his chin rest of my head.

It felt awkward. Nate’s done this to me, so this guy shouldn’t be.

“If I was him, I’d make sure to put that ring on your finger. You’ve taken care of our kids and me, so I’d make sure to put that ring on you. That way every man out there knows that you’re all mine; that’s what I would do if I were him.” said James in a soft voice.

My eyes went wide. I’ve always wanted Nate to think that way. I’ve always wanted him to just open his eyes and see how much I’ve done for him, and how much we’ve gone through together. This is the thing that gets me so depressed at night. When I start thinking about this, my heart hurts. I’ve always been more of a traditional girl. I wanted to get married then have kids, but it didn’t work out that way. I was hoping Nate would marry me at some point, but he still hasn’t asked my hand in marriage or anything. It really sucks.

“Did I strike a nerve?” asked James.

“Uhm. I need to move, so…”

“Oh, right, sorry.” said James and he took his arm off me.

“I don’t mean to ask you so many questions, but has he ever cheated on you?” asked James.

“Why would that matter? He’s been with me for a long time, and he’s been loyal.” I said and then I put the food on plates.

“Nate should be home now…” I sighed and started to wrap up Nate’s plate.

“Are you eating over?” I asked him.

He nodded.

The next day he was over again. I was in my room sorting through my papers.

He leaned against my door and knocked.

“Hey there pretty lady.” said James.

I looked up and smiled, “Hello, over again I see?” I said.

“Yeah, getting tired of me?” said James.

I laughed.

“Nadia must really like you if she keeps inviting you over.” I said.

“Nah, she seems to be more interested in my brother.” said James.

I threw down some old files and started sorting more.

“Let’s go hang out at the park or something.” said James after standing there for a few minutes.

“I can’t.” I said.

“Why not?” asked James.

“I have to watch the kids.” I said.

“Can’t Nadia just watch them?” asked James.

“She’s not responsible; she won’t care about what they do.” I said.

James’s eyes widened but then he finally just sighed and said, “We could bring them along. They could use some fresh air anyways.” said James.

I sat there thinking about it, but then I smiled and nodded.

He smiled and said, “Sweet!”

I got all the kids, and of course, Red only wanted to go because Kari wanted too.

I had Jayden holding my right hand and Kari holding my left, and then Ren held Kari’s other hand.

James walked next to me with his hands in his pockets.

When we got to the park Jayden and the rest ran into the sand and started to play.

James and I went and sat on a bench.

“It looks like you raise Nadia’s child too.” said James.

“I do a bit. Nate takes the most care of Ren though. I feel like I shouldn’t be doing too much for Nadia’s son, because he isn’t mine in any way.” I said.

“Kari isn’t your daughter though, and your taking care of her aren’t you?” asked James.

“Kari is a child Nate wanted us to take care of. Nadia’s son is my boyfriend’s son as well. She chained him down and with her sinister intentions she did him without a condom.” I said and sighed.

“It’s a long story James. I just don’t feel like I should take care of her kid. Think about it, after all the shit she’s done to me, why should I? What I do for Ren now, I do it because I can’t stand just doing nothing for a child who’s mother doesn’t give two shits about him.” I said and then looked at James who had wide eyes.

“Wow, is that why Nadia acts like Ren isn’t hers?” asked James.

I nodded.

“That’s a lot to think about.” said James.

I chuckled and said, “Try almost eight years of my life, then tell me how it is to take that all in.”

“So, you’ve been with Nate for almost eight years?” asked James.

I nodded.

“Then, he dated her before you?” asked James.

“No, they never dated. They were fuck buddies until he moved. He tried to dropping her but she just kept texting him, then she moved here as well. It turns out she really did love him, Nadia did. She was to late though, because he loved me, and still does. She hasn’t let go of him still after all these years. It’s the reason why she forced herself on Nate. All she could think of was chaining my boyfriend to a bed and fucking him without a condom to have his baby. That way he couldn’t just kick her out of his life.” I said and sighed as I recalled it all.

“Why did you stay with him?” asked James.

My eyes widened in surprise.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well, you found out about Nadia right? Why would you stay with him knowing you’d have to deal with someone like Nadia?” asked James.

“It’s not a difficult thing to figure out James. I stayed because I love him.” I said looking straight into James’s light brown eyes with my grayish silver eyes.

He shook his head at me, “You know, the day after I met you I asked Nadia about Nate. She was telling me how he was the most popular guy in high school, and that he was a player. Maybe he even still is, I don’t fucking know. I was told about the things he’s done to girls, and honestly it makes me want to split his jaw open. I wouldn’t ever fuck over a girl like he has. You are a really amazing and wonderful woman, yet you spent a lot of your life with a guy like him. A woman like you deserves only the best. It just blows my mind that you’ve spent all this time with a type of guy like him. Do nice guys really finish last? Seriously; he won’t even marry you after being with you for almost eight fucking years. Doesn’t that piss you off in the slightest bit? You’ve dealt with a lot of his baggage; he could at least show he’s thankful and place that ring on you. If he won’t do it, are you really fine with being a Mother who’s never married in her life?” said James in an annoyed and upset tone.

He looked at me and suddenly his eyes softened.

“Hey don’t cry…” he said and wiped one of the tears that was sliding down my face. I didn’t even notice I started to cry…

“You really…don’t get it. Nate didn’t treat me like shit, that’s how he got me. To me, he was a nice guy, a really good guy. So, don’t go on and saying bullshit like nice guys finish last. Yeah, Nate doesn’t like the idea of marriage, but so fucking what?” I said as tears began to fall continuously down my face.

“So fucking what?” I repeated as I wiped my nose with my sweatshirt.

James then pulled me into his arms and held me in a tight hug.

I was feeling too vulnerable and weak to just force myself out of it.

I just let my body be in his arms limp as I cried.

When he let go I wiped my face with my sweater on my arm.

I looked up into his eyes that showed he felt bad.

I bit my lip and closed my eyes for a moment, before opening them and saying firmly, “It’s not like you could ever split his jaw open even if you tried.”

His eyes widened.

“I’m going home now, you should go home too.” I said and then stood up and walked over to where my kids were playing.

“We’re going home guys!” I yelled out.

Jayden ran over and held my hand, and Kari held my other and then Ren held Kari’s and we went home.

The next morning I was up early with Nate.

He sat across from me at the table eating a bagel for breakfast, and I had my coffee in front of me.

I stared at him, and I didn’t look away at all.

“What?” asked Nate.

I shook my head.

Nate sighed and said, “Whatever it is, tell me.”

He set down his bagel and looked right at me.

“Well, we’ve been together for a long time. It’s been pretty much eight years; yet we still aren’t married.” I said in a low voice.

“Jeez. this again? ” said Nate in an exhausted sigh.

“It’s not like I’m bugging you about it every day Nate.” I said.

He picked up his bagel and shook his head before taking a bite.

“It’s just; I’ve done a lot for you throughout the years. Isn’t that enough to prove to you that you and I can really be together forever? We’ve gone through a lot, and look how we are. We’re still a strong couple after all these years, and you haven’t left.” I said as I looked down at my coffee.

“What have I done Vonia? Huh? Have I just been on the couch while you pay the bills and take care of the kids? Have I really not done anything for you?” asked Nate in a pissed off sarcastic voice.

I looked up to see the annoyed look on his face.

“I never said you didn’t do anything.” I said.

“You’re implying it.” said Nate.

“No, I’m not. I’m just saying; I’ve shown you on my part how good I am. I think we should be married after all we’ve gone through.” I said.

“Why do you need a piece of paper to say we love each other and are together?” asked Nate.

“You aren’t getting it. That’s not why I want us to get married!” I said raising my voice.

“I- “Shut up.” said Nate interrupting me.

My eyes went wide when he said that.

I put my hand to my mouth as my eyes watered up.

“I’m done talking about this. You’ve already pissed me off. “said Nate standing up and tossing the rest of his bagel in the trash and tossing the dish in the sink.

“A great fucking way to start my day isn’t it?” said Nate sarcastically as he grabbed his keys and walked out of the kitchen, and I heard the door shut.

I just sat there for a minute before letting my head fall down to the table as I began crying my eyes out right there.

An hour later I went back into my room and crawled into my bed and went back to sleep.

I woke up four hours later to the smell of bacon.

I got up and slid on some clothes before walking out and into the kitchen.

“I hope you don’t mind that I used your kitchen.” said James with a smile on his face and an apron on that said, “Kiss the cook,” the apron I used to wear when I cooked sweets.

I just stood there in bewilderment.

He grinned, “I was harsh, I wanted to make it up.” said James.

I just stood there frozen as he put eggs and bacon on a plate along with beans, and then placed it down at the table.

“Sit!” he said with a smile and made himself a plate. Then sat in the same chair Nate had sat in this morning.

I sat down.

“I hope you like it.” said James.

I took a bite and then forced a smile then said, “I do, thank you.”

He smiled, “How about we go for a walk?” he asked after we finished.

“I can’t leave my kids.” I said.

“It’s only for five minutes.” said James.

“Alright, fine.” I said in a sigh.

His eyes widened in shock at the fact I said yes, but then smiled.

“Let’s go walk then.” said James.

I nodded with a smile on my face.

We started walking and it was completely silent.

All I could think about was Nate, and probably all James could think about was what to say to me.

“You still mad at me?” asked James finally speaking.

“No, I’m over it; the food was way too good.” I said with a smile.

“Oh good, I’m glad.” said James with a smile.

“Anything…else bothering you?” asked James.

I shook my head no.

He placed his arm around my shoulder and I looked at his arm around me and then up at him.

“We’re friends, you can tell me anything.” said James with a big smile plastered on his face.

“Well…” I said, and then paused.

“I want to go back home.” I said and turned.

He followed and grabbed my wrist.

I looked at his hand on my wrist and then I looked into his eyes.

“Are you an idiot?” I asked looking up at him.

“I may be…” he said and then pulled me into his arms and his lips smashed onto mine.

My eyes went wider than I ever thought they could ever go in my entire life.

What…the…