Listen To Your Heart.

After another argument with John the sexual tension between us was huge. It wasn’t really fair that he distracting me with sex but when John’s shirt came off my mind stopped functioning properly. Finally John persuaded me but I still wasn’t happy.

“Bee, it’s only 2 months” his arms tightened around my waist. “That’s 61 days, or 1,464 hours or-” John started chuckling “Bee, I’ll be home before you even realise it” I pulled his head down to mine. “I love you John Cornelius” John smiled “I love you too Bee” John’s lips were rough and I didn’t want to let him go. John sighed and started walking towards the van, when he was at the door he turned around and smiled. “Oh and John, if you cheat on me I’ll personally come down and cut your dick off” I smiled and waved as John started laughing. “Love you too Bee” I stood in the door way and watched them drive away, somethingbroke inside of me.

--

For everyday John was on tour he would write me a letter, I soon became dependent on those letters. There was no greater feeling than coming home and finding a letter from John, his kind, truthful words made me feel like he was right here with me, not miles away.

John wrote to me about the things he missed about home and the things that reminded him of why he loved what he does so much. John wasn’t the kind of person who bragged about how many records he sold, or even how much money he made. To John, it was all about the music, he once wrote me saying

‘I sing for myself, yet if others truly find inspiration through my words, then I have accidently done something brilliant in my life.’

This is the boy I loved with my whole heart. So when I came home to a pile of letters on my bed I was extremely happy. I was disappointed when only one of them was from John, so that was of course the one I read first. He left me with a smile on my face and a tear rolling down my cheek, I opened the letter from my father which said ‘call me.’

I sighed and dialled my phone “Dad?” there was silence on the other end of the phone. “Hello? Dad?” there was snuffling and someone crying. “Belle” I stopped breathing, I didn’t know what was wrong but something was. “Belle it’s Nicholas” my eyes started to water, I couldn’t speak. My chest felt like it was going to explode, I couldn’t move. “You need to come home Belle” I took a deep breath “Dad, what happened to Nicholas?” I already knew it, but I kept quiet and hoped he was safe. “He was in a road side attack Bee, I got you a plane ticket home you should have seen it in the letter.” I dropped my phone and started crying hysterically. I grabbed the envelope which held my father’s letter and a ticket home fell out. I frantically started packing most of my clothes.

“Hey Bee do you like this shirt?” Eric walked in wearing a new shirt; his mouth fell open when he saw me. I continued to cry as Eric ran to my side and pulled me into a hug, “Belle, talk to me. What is happening?” his voice was scared, like he didn’t want to know. “Nicholas. My. Brother. Dead.” I struggled to speak through my sobbing. Eric stayed quiet and comforted me, he didn’t know what to say and neither did I. When I finally stopped crying I packed the rest of my clothes, “We’re coming with you” I looked up at Eric confused “We?” Nick walked in with a bag and chucked it at Eric. He walked over and hugged me; I pushed my face against his chest.

“I love you boys so much” I mumbled “We love you too, Eric is going to call John” I shot my head up “No, don’t tell him, not yet anyway. He has only been on tour for 3 weeks, I refuse to cloud his head” Nick grabbed my hand and sighed "We have to tell him though Bee" I whipped my eyes "I'll tell him, just not now" with Nick's hand in mine we walked downstairs to the car, Eric got my bag.

I was so broken inside, I was so alone. I had never felt so lost in my entire life; I think I might be losing it.