Listen To Your Heart.

“I was worried about you, I woke up and you weren’t here” I walked into Eric’s arms, pulling him as close as possible. “Sorry I left you here with my fantastic mother, I had to go to church” Eric sighed. “Oh” We were silent; it was nice to be held by someone. “Maybe you should get ready for the, uhm you know” Eric didn’t want to upset me anymore so I finished off his sentence for him “The funeral”

~

It was just as bad as I imagined it would be, people crying, soldiers with riffles. The America flag draped over Nicholas’s coffin, I nodded every now and then when someone would offer there apologies; apart from that I was quiet. The man reading was old, he struggled to keep up with the words, I just occupied myself with counting the stars on the flag. It was half way over, guns were blazing and people crying. I looked up for just a second to see Alex walking towards me with flowers in his hands. I tried not to stare but I couldn’t believe he actually came. I sighed when it was all over and
people were leaving, I excused myself and walked over to Alex.

“Thank-you for coming” Alex pulled me into a hug “Are you okay?” I closed my tear stung eyes. “Not really, I just watched my brother being put in the ground” Alex pulled away, and bit his lip. “Really though, thanks for coming; it means a lot to me” Alex smiled and I forgot I was upset. For that one moment in time my life didn’t seem fucked, everything was normal again and I was happy.

I sighed as it started to rain, people ran for cover; Alex and I just stood there staring at each other. Then I realised that Alex Gaskarth was making me happy, and the thought scared me. How could I be falling for him again? How could I be so stupid? I cleared my throat “I love John” Alex looked at me confused but he had to hear this “That will never change Alex, stop wasting your time on someone who can’t give you what you deserve” Alex grabbed my hand “I can’t let you go, I can’t lose you Belle” I pulled my hand out of his and took a step back “Alex, you lost me a long time ago” Alex stood there frozen, his eyes were full of pain.

“I did love you Alex, and someone, the right someone will come along who will love you. We are just not made for each other, I’m sorry that I’m hurting you but this is for the best” Alex took a step towards me and leaned down so his lips were next to my ear. “I’ll always love you” I sighed and kissed his cheek “I’m sorry” I turned and walked away, with tears running down my face. I was soaked when I reached the car, Eric and Nick looked at me confused. “I want to go home” I muttered. Nick started the car, “We will be home soon”. “No, I want to go home. To Arizona” Nick sighed, and breathed out heavy “Okay, we can leave today”

~

I’ve had enough of Portland, enough of the posh snobby people here and enough of my family. I stood outside the house, the enormous empty house that I spent so many cold winter nights in crying myself to sleep. I sighed, this was never classified as home to me, home was suppose to make you feel warm inside; I never felt that here. I turned and watched as Nick smiled at me, the sun had come back up and I was now fully dry. He rushed over and pulled me into a hug, I sighed and hugged him back.

“You two are so cute, did you dump John for Nick?” my mother walked outside with a smile on her face. I pulled away and stared at her intently, “No, John is just on tour. Nick is just a friend, why so energetic for? You were just at your son’s funeral, you’d think you would be in tears” I walked down the long drive way, knowing that my mother would be angry at me. I didn’t care anymore; she shouldn’t even be able to be classified as a mother. I jumped into the cab and waited for Nick. Eric looked at me and sighed, “Your mother is upset, people just grieve differently” I sighed, I couldn’t believe he was sticking up for her! “Whatever” I muttered. Eric pouted, “Don’t be angry at me Belle, I’m just trying to help” I moved closer to Eric and rested my head on his shoulder. “I know, I’m just sick of this place, I need to go home.”

What I actually needed was John.