Listen To Your Heart.

“John, who was that?”
He looked up with eyes full of regret, it was only then I realised I had been holding my breath. “Belle, I’m not going to lie to you. I was drunk” I already knew where this was going, I closed my eyes and ran my hands through my hair. “I didn’t mean to, it only happened once though, I promise” I controlled my tears, making sure that they didn’t escape from my eyes. The worst part was that I couldn’t be angry with him, I couldn’t yell and scream because while he was here getting up to no good I was in Portland with Alex. My god how I hated this, I hated that I put myself in a position where we were going to fight.

I opened my eyes and just stared at John, I didn’t know what to say; I didn’t know where my words where. “Please Belle, please just say something” a single tear rolled down my face but I quickly brushed it away. “I-” I paused and shook my head “I need some space right now” and with that I turned around and started running, I must have looked like the biggest douche bag but I ignored the looks people were giving me. I had to run away from this, I didn’t look back at John because I knew I would break down.

When my eyes stung and my feet throbbed I sat down on the outskirts of a lake. I pulled my legs into my chest and started to sob. I thought I was about to fall asleep when I heard footsteps and heavy breathing. I’d been here for hours and it was starting to get dark, I didn’t bother looking up because I knew who it was.

“Do you know how far you ran? How did you cover so much land?” I looked up and Nick who was clutching his chest and gasping for air. I quietly giggled as he sat down next to me, “Show’s how unfit I am” I swiftly rested my head against Nick’s shoulder. I sighed and watch the still lake, it looked so perfect. “So what’s up with you and Alex?” I looked at Nick confused, why would he be bringing this up? “Absolutely nothing, I don’t understand.” Nick smirked “I saw you two at the funeral. John is my friend, I was just making sure-” I sighed, “You were just making sure that I wasn’t being unfaithful like him” Nick started fiddling with his hands, most definitely uncomfortable with the way the conversation was going. “He didn’t mean to Belle”

I scoffed “He didn’t mean to have sex with someone else? I’m sure he had some control” I stretched my legs out and started rubbing my arms, it had gotten quite cold. Nick realised I was fidgeting and handed me his jacket, I smiled and took it.

“I’m not saying what John did was right, but I know he loves you” I skipped a rock along the water and watched the effect it made. “I wish I was enough for him” I turned away from Nick so he wouldn’t see me cry, his arms pulled me into a behind hug. “I just feel like, I'm not good enough for him. I should have been here but I wasn’t” I could feel Nick’s breath along my neck. “I love him so god damn much but I don’t know if I could just put this behind me, do you understand?” I waited for Nick’s response. “I think if you truly love him, then you’ll know what to do” I rolled my eyes and started to laugh. “That isn’t exactly good advice Mr. Santino, I’d much rather you tell me the answer” I could tell Nick was smiling. “But then it wouldn’t be what your heart wanted, it would be what you wanted to hear.” I smiled as Nick stood up.

“I suppose we should go” I stopped smiling and pouted at Nick. “I am going to call the guys and tell them I found you, John wanted to send out a search party” I tried to smile but I was still angry at him. Nick started texting like crazy as I looked at the stars, so beautiful but simply in the night sky.

Nick offered his hand and I took it, we walked all the way back hand in hand. I loved the fact I was comfortable enough to hold his hand, after all he was pretty much my family. “Belle you know what?” I looked at Nick, he was smiling. “What?” he squeezed my hand tight. “You’re one of my best friends” I smiled from ear to ear. “Nicholas Santino, I’d have to say that you are the cutest thing alive, and maybe you’d make my top 10 best friends for life list” I winked at Nick and he nudged me, we both laughed as we walked towards the bus to get Eric.

I stopped smiling as I caught sight of John pacing up and down. When he saw me he smiled, then his eyes looked at my hand and he stopped. I didn’t look at him as we walked towards the bus, I was here to say goodbye to the boys. “Bye boys, I’ll see you in a couple of days” I hugged each one of them; Pat didn’t want to let go. John walked into the bus and awkwardly stood there with his hands in his front pocket.

I walked straight passed him and he scoffed I turned around to hear him muttering something under his breath. “Pardon?” he turned around, he looked livid. “I get it, I fucked up but seriously?!” I looked at the boys who were all staring. “What, you expect me not to be angry?” I crossed my arms. “Well, I just don’t understand how you could judge me” I gasped. “What is that suppose to mean John!” where was he taking this? “I know all about Alex in Portland! What did you get up to?!” I looked at him, disgusted. “If you’re accusing me off cheating then you are stupid John. I wouldn’t do that to us” I turned and walked out, slamming the door.

John of course followed me out, why the fuck was he blaming this on me?
“You’ve done it before” I turned around and walked right up to him so when I yelled, it would be into his face. “I didn’t fucking have sex with him, it’s you that can’t keep it in your pants!” John started chuckling. “Well at least my family aren’t ashamed of me!” I took a step back. John had never said something so hurtful, his words was like a knife in my chest. I took a step back and tears started rolling out of my eyes. “I suppose you’re right” my voice was a whispered and I turned around. I sobbed as I walked to the car and waited for Eric and Nick.

I think that John may have just broken me, I think John may have just brokenus.