Listen To Your Heart.

I flattened my black dress and breathed in and out, each breath stinging in my chest. I looked at how my little black dress held my curves, I reached for my necklace that layed upon my chest of draws. I stopped and closed my eyes and listened to my breathing, why was I so nervous?

I opened my eyes and stared at myself in the mirror. My naturally wavy hair sat just above my waist and my blue eyes were blood shot from the stress of tonight. I stepped into my Jimmy Choos and took a deep breath in, held it for a moment and then breathed out.

“You look amazing” Danny whispered from my bedroom doorway, I turned around and sent him a small smile. “Thanks” I muttered. I grabbed my heart locket and looked back at Danny, “Do you mind?” he looked at the necklace and smiled. I turned around as he slowly took the necklace out of my hands; I pulled my hair to the right side of my body. His hands lingered at my neck a moment then his soft touch made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

I turned to face him, not daring to look him in the eyes. Even with my Jimmy’s on he was still taller, he raised my face with his hands and looked me in the eyes. We stared at each other for a short time then he let go of my face and walked out of my room, he stopped at the door. “Have fun with Alex tonight” he muttered.

“Will you be here when I get home?” I questioned, his eyes lowered. “I think I should go home, haven’t been there in a while” he half smiled but I knew he wasn’t happy. I walked to him and held him tight, I knew I was hurting him. “I promise you that I won’t let myself be reckless. I know you don't like him because he hurt me but he is my friend, nothing more than that” I muttered into his chest.

“Belle, I’m your best friend not your boyfriend. You can go out with whomever you please” he stopped and sighed. “I just don't want you to get hurt again, I don't want to see you acting like you did 2 years ago” he whispered. I closed my eyes and thought about what he was saying.

I was ashamed of the way I lived my life in New York for the first year here. I hated myself for leaving but I blamed everyone else. I drank too much and staying out too late, I was young and reckless. I was hurting so I did whatever it took to forget. Some days were better than others but I’ll never forgive myself for what I made Danny go through. I made him watch as I hurt myself everyday then I’d push him away when he tried to help. I was a disgusting person but I had changed.

“I’ll never be that person again Danny” I squeezed him tighter. “I’ll never be that reckless and stupid again, I promise” he kissed the crown of my head softly, “Good” was all he whispered.

--

It was his charm that had me smiling all night, he hadn’t lost his touch. “I missed you” he said, I blushed and looked down. He laced our hands together as we walked along the track in the park, the trees rustled in the wind. “I hadn’t realised how much until tonight” I looked him in the eyes, those brown eyes that promised danger. He swung our hands back and forth and I laughed, my other hand held my Jimmy Choos.

“Why’d you leave him?” Alex asked, I turned and looked at the street lights. They made me feel full, like I wasn’t alone. “I loved him too much” I answered simply. “Do you know I envied him?” Alex said, I giggled. “Why would you do such a silly thing as envy my Joh-” I stopped, had I just said my? “That is the exact reason why Bee. You were his and he was yours.” I looked down, my chest hurt.

“I regret everything I did, I hate myself for pushing the only girl I’ve ever loved away” I brushed my hand along his jaw. “Do you remember how happy we were? Do you know that you melted my heart every time you smiled? You still do” my heart felt heavy. “Yes” I whispered, “Of course I remember Alex. I loved you with everything I had, everything I did was for you.” I muttered. It sounded silly but I really did love him; that was my mistake.

“You don't owe me this but will you promise me something?” he asked. I nodded not knowing whether or not this was going to be good. “Find someone who makes you as happy as you made me and never let them go”

Tears dug at my eyes, I already had found that person;
but I had let them go.