Listen To Your Heart.

No matter how much I chose to forget him, no matter how long I didn't think about him; John would always win. He always had a way of stealing my heart, he was the only one. He never came though, if he really loved me why didn't he come? How could our love be true if he never fucking chased after me? John would always win over my heart but our love wasn’t invincible anymore.

He never came because he had someone else, he had Grace. I wanted John to be happy, I wanted that more than anything. I hadn’t realised that maybe if John wanted to be happy again than he would have to stop loving me, he would have to forget. “I know John” I whispered. He looked into my eyes, I could feel my heart breaking. “I know about Grace, I was there” I muttered. He didn't speak, he couldn’t find his words. “I was at your Aunts funeral John, I saw you with her.” He tried to grab my hand but I pulled out of his grip and stood up.

“3 weeks, 3 fucking weeks it took to forget me! To replace me with her” I shouted. Tears built up in my eyes, I was so angry. “Did I mean that little to you? Was I really that replaceable John, was I?” all this anger inside of me, over all this time just suddenly wanted to be heard. “I broke John, I fucking broke that day. I came back for you and you fucking had already replaced me!” he simply stared at me only making me want to scream louder. “You think me leaving was hard on you. Try seeing the one person you love more than anybody fall in-love with someone else. For months I cried myself to sleep, months John!” he stood up. “You weren’t there, you left me! You fucking left, you gave up on us Bee!” he shouted. I had had enough of him, “Get out of my house, get out John” I muttered, I had no energy left. He reached for my hands, “Wait Bee”

“I waited 3 years for you to come after me, I waited and you never came.” I turned around but John grabbed my arm “You left me and I let you go because I thought it was what you wanted.” I pulled away “You think I wanted to leave you? You knew this wasn’t what I wanted and yet you didn’t come after me!” I felt so numb. “Why did you leave me? Wasn’t I good enough for you? Wasn’t my love enough?” I could feel the tears trickling down my face.

“You are the only thing I have ever wanted, I left so you could have a life, so you could continue to inspire people with your music. I wasn’t about to watch you chuck it all away” John pulled on my arm “I would have given that all up to spend the rest of my life with you” I closed my eyes and spoke “I never wanted you to give up your life for me, all I wanted was to be a part of it.” John’s face gentled, he brushed away my tears. “John, if you love me so much then why are you with Grace?” my voice was just a whisper, John grabbed my hand and pushed it against his chest. “I needed her to fix the hole that you punched into my chest when you left” I breathed out heavily, “You don’t think I spent every night wondering what you were thinking about? Or if you were with some other guy that didn’t deserve you?” John started to chuckle. “Or worse, with Alex” I smiled lightly. “I’ve never stopped loving you” John’s voice didn’t rise above a whisper.

“I thought you had forgotten about me” I didn’t meet his eyes; I wasn’t brave enough to face him. “Bee, how could I have forgotten you when there is a huge place in my heart that is empty when you’re not around?” I stared into his eyes. He leaned down, I bit my lip and took a step back. John pouted and looked at me hurt “I’m not going to let you hurt Grace, she deserves better than that.” John sighed, “I want you, I love you” he whispered. “I thought I’d never heard you say that again” I muttered.

I tangled my hands in his hair, his hands sat on my lower back. We stood like this for a long time without speaking. Tears ran down my face, I had my John back.