I Couldn't Be More Afraid

I woke up in Marc’s bed, something that had become normal when he was in town. Sometimes I would go into the city when I got off of work, or if I wasn’t working, I would go to his games and then back to his apartment. The sex only got better every time, but I knew that we had to talk. I had fallen way too hard for him and couldn’t handle the idea that there could be girls in other cities…or even that he was ashamed of me. His eyes opened and he smiled at me, whispering “hi.” I didn’t want to do this first thing in the morning, but I had to make sure it got done.

“Are we ever going to talk?” I asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Well all we ever do when we’re together is have sex.”

“Is there something wrong with that,” he responded with a smirk, sitting up against the backboard of the bed.

“Well no….but.”

“But what, Layla? I don’t know if I’m awake enough for this conversation.”

“Am I the only one you’re sleeping with,” I asked…ignoring the latter part of his response.

“You know you are.”

“So are we fuck buddies?”

“Layla…” he said, obviously frustrated with me, but I didn’t care…this was something that needed to happen before I went home.

“What, Marc…with your reputation, it’s a legit question.”

“Fuck my reputation, it’s not a legit question…you know that you’re more than that,” he started to raise his voice and got out of the bed and walked around it until he was facing me. In response, I sat up on the edge, facing him.

“So what am I?” I asked in a calm, steady voice.

“What do you want to be?” he asked, I looked up at him as he ran his hand through his messy red hair.

“How do you talk about me in the locker room?”

“Who said I talk about you?” there was the smirk again.

“Dubi,” I answered in the most smart ass tone possible.

“Damn him.”

“Answer my question.”

“You skipped mine first.”

“Tell me what you call me.”

“You’re acting like you already know.”

“What if I do? I want to hear you say it.”

“This is all a game to you.”

“I’m not the only one playing, babe.”

“Fine Layla,” he said frustrated, “I call you my girl, okay?”

“That’s all I wanted to hear.”

“So are you?” he asked, reaching his hands towards mine.

“Am I what?”

“My girl.”

“If you want me to be.”

“That’s all I want,” he said and I put my hands in his. He pulled me up into his arms and pressed his mouth hard against mine, our hands level with our shoulders, fingers laced. I pulled my hands away and wrapped my arms around his neck. I could finally call Marc Staal my boyfriend and as happy as it made me, it also terrified me more than words could ever express.

---

That morning, I said goodbye to Marc and headed back home to get some sleep. Leah had taken to making fun of me when I walked into work tired, typically making comments about Marc’s stamina. I realized that I was napping more than I did when I was in college, but at least my job only needed me to function at night. I was awakened from my nap when my phone rang; I answered groggily without a “hello.”

“What do you want?”

“So I heard the news,” Dubi responded.

“What news is that?” I asked slyly.

“My boy Marc’s got a girlfriend.”

“Oh yea? Is she hot?”

“Absolutely.”

“Okay Dubes,” I laughed, “awkward.”

“Shut up, Lay,” he joked back, “you know you’re hot, you use your looks at work every night.”

“I’m not as hot as Leah,” I responded.

“You don’t look as easy either.”

“Ouch.”

“I told her that, so it’s ok.”

“Dubes, don’t touch my friend,” I warned.

“Too late,” he said back. I wasn’t sure what to think about that. I didn’t want to ask questions, so I just told him that I had to go and we said “goodbye.” I had to get ready for work anyway and definitely needed to talk to Leah about what Dubi just told me. After hanging up the phone, I showered, dried my hair, and got dressed for work. The entire drive to the bar, I was just in a confused haze, even wondering a little if he was lying to me. Then I thought about Leah and knew that there was no way it wasn’t true.

I walked into the bar with a mission. I immediately put my stuff under the bar and looked around for Leah. I had apparently gotten there before her for a change and just waited with the girls from the earlier shift until she walked in. Leah strutted in as she did every other day, put her stuff down, and looked at me. She laughed at the serious look on my face and I just started her down.

“Talk. Now,” I said in a demanding voice. I wasn’t angry at all, but I just wanted to know why she wasn’t the one to tell me.

“What’s up?”

“When did you fuck Dubi?” I asked.

“The night of drunk Marc,” she answered as if it was no big deal.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t tell you every guy I bang,” she laughed.

“Yes you do,” I laughed back.

“Okay fine,” she said more seriously, “I didn’t want you to get upset because of all of the issues with Marc at the time. By the way….boy’s a freak in bed.”

“Okay, didn’t need to know that.”

Leah laughed and then walked towards the bar to start cleaning everything and preparing for the crowds. It was Rangers at Isles night, so we knew that everything was going to get crazy. Marc told me that he might stop by after the game, but he wasn’t sure if he would be able to because they had to take the bus up to Boston. There were so many people in the bar that night that I couldn’t even watch the game. The night went by pretty quickly and I found myself checking the score whenever I could. As I had promised Marc I wore a small Rangers pin on my shirt to show my loyalties. Of course this got me shit from some of the Isles fans, but I flirted and used it to my advantage…or I’d let Leah take care of those guys since we pooled our tips anyway.

At the end of the night, we were exhausted and trying to shovel the customers out of the bar. It was after two once we were finally able to clean up and close up. By the time I found my phone there were two missed calls and a bunch of texts from Marc trying to find out where I was. I motioned to Leah that I’d be right back and tried to call him.

“Crazy night?” he answered.

“Yeah, I wasn’t sure if you would still be awake.”

“I’m up, we just got to the hotel I slept on the bus.”

“The bar was ridiculous tonight, but congrats on the win…and the goal.”

“So you did see.”

“Of course I did, but I couldn’t get near my phone.”

“Why is he so fucking giddy!” I heard in the background.

“Tell Dubes to shut up.”

“Do you want to talk to him yourself?”

“No thanks,” I responded, laughing.

“I think he’s offended,” Marc told me. I laughed and talked to him for a few more minutes before going back and helping Leah out. It almost bothered me that I couldn’t stop smiling, but Marc did something to me that I just couldn’t explain.

---

A few days later, the boys were home again for an afternoon game and luckily Leah and I were able to get the night off, so there was no need to rush home. I always wanted to drag her with me to more games, so Marc was able to get me two seats. We were sitting with Kayla and Pam again and to my surprise, Pam brought Landon with her. When I saw the toddler, I was enamored by the color of his eyes; they were brighter than his father’s and on a child, the most adorable things I had ever seen. The girls greeted me with hugs and kisses on the cheek and I introduced them both to Leah.

Leah and I were both wearing Rangers jerseys: of course I wore Marc’s, especially since it was my first game as his official girlfriend and Leah wore Stepan’s because she had a soft spot for the rookie. In the first period, we made some small talk when there were play stoppages, but otherwise most of the talking was yelling at the ice. During the first intermission, it was obvious that Landon was getting both tired and antsy as he crawled out of Pam’s lap. He walked over to me and started to climb up my leg, so I picked him up. I always liked children, so I enjoyed playing with the baby.

“He’s taking quite a liking to you,” Kayla joked.

“You’d better not be going anywhere soon,” Pam added.

“Why’s that?”

“Because when my baby gets attached, he stays attached and you’re not going to hurt a toddler, will you?”

“If she did, it would be two toddlers,” Leah interjected.

“You’re right,” Kayla laughed, “Marc can be a bit of a child.”

“A bit?”

“Lee!” I yelled, then we all started laughing. Landon stayed with me the rest of the game until Pam took him back right before the final buzzer rang. She wanted to go meet Dan by the car so they could get him home. Leah and I said goodbye to the girls and started to roam around the Garden. She asked me if we were going to head to the locker room, I explained that I liked to wait until the reporters were done.

Eventually, we made our way downstairs and into the home team’s dressing room. It was odd how familiar it was to me in Mid-December, since I had never been down there prior to October. When we walked inside, there was a friendly face that just screamed trouble standing right in front of us.

“Hey ladies,” Dubi greeted us, grabbing Leah’s hand and kissing it.

“You’re still not charming,” Leah deadpanned back at him, pulling away.

“Even if I invite you over tonight?” he asked her, brushing his hand against her arm.

“Wow Dubes, slick,” I shot back at him as I watched Leah laugh.

“Your boyfriend’s over there,” he said pointing, making it obvious he wanted me gone so that he could try to get Leah home with him that night.

“Fine,” I said to Dubi before turning to Leah and added, “he’s all yours.”

I walked across the locker room to where Marc was with Derek Stepan and Del Z. Marc greeted me by putting his arm around my waist, saying “hey babe,” and kissing me gently. I smiled, I felt like we were a normal couple.

“Oh Lay,” he said, “you’ve met DZ of course, this is Derek, the rookie.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“You too, Staalsy talks about you all the time.”

“Good to know,” I smirked at Marc, before adding to DZ, “and DZ…you should come back to the bar some time.”

“Are you gonna serve me?”

“Nope,” DZ laughed before walking away with the rookie. As I turned back to Marc, Sean Avery walked over to us.

“So you’re the infamous Layla.”

“I believe so.”

“You did good, kid,” he said to Marc.

“I don’t know if that’s a compliment or an insult,” I said.

“You’re gorgeous, it’s compliment.”

“But you objectified me.”

“Wow, snippy too…I like her Staalsy.”

“Yeah, I do too,” he said before kissing me again, making Avery walk away, “where’s Leah, by the way?”

“With Dubi.”

“Oh God, again?”

“Hey, at least they’re not with random people tonight.”

“Good point…and it means I’ve got you all to myself,” he wrapped his arms around my waist and gave me another kiss.

“I could get used to this.”

“Get a room!” I heard from across the room and turned to see a smirk on Brian Boyle’s face.

“You’re just jealous, Bri,” Marc yelled back before I brought his attention back to me.