I Can't Help You Fix Yourself But At Least I Can Say I Tried

The whole way home I couldn't stop thinking about how much my life sucked. Nothing ever went right for me, ever, it was like God seriously had it in for my family. Someone really must have pissed him off in a previous life.

I passed the gas station that indicated I wasn't too far from the house. I spotted a group of guys standing in the alley in a small circle. Two watchers with their caps pulled down low, sweaters on and hoods up, stood at the junction of the street and entrance to the gas station watching for cops or any other passer by's that may pose as a threat. It was obvious to anyone what was going down.

Shaking my head I began walking faster, this was one of the shadiest parts of Los Angeles, and it was also where I had to call home. By the time I made it to my house I had a few guys following me, most likely wondering if I'd buy, but I didn't stop to give them the chance to ask. Instead I slipped through the gate to my Uncle's house and jogged up the steps, entering through the unlocked door.

I heard commotion coming from the kitchen but I headed straight to my room, changing into a T-shirt, some different jeans and sandals. Then I braved heading into the kitchen. My Uncle and his latest conquest, who looked like she could easily be my age argued near the sink while my mom sat nearly lifeless at the table. The room went silent and I knew all eyes were on me.

My Uncle snarled at me. "Where the fuck were you?"

"At Danielle's," I lied. I wasn't about to admit that my own stupidity landed me in the hospital. Not only would I be the center of the joke in my own house, but he'd question me till I died on how much I'd told the cops.

"Is that so," he pushed the chair into the table so I couldn't sit down. "You're suppose to check in when you take a load of stuff to Jo, or are you too fuckin stupid to remember that?"

Oh today was going to be a good day.

"I'm sorry."

"You're sorry," he repeated, reaching out and grabbing me by my hair at the back of my head and directing me out of the kitchen. "You have no idea what sorry is Myranda," he shoved me forward. "If it ever happens again you'll be sorry, now get out of my fuckin house and go do something useful."

That was totally fine with me. He wasn't usually so touchy in the mornings but the new girlfriend must have done something he greatly disagreed with. Running my fingers through my hair attempting to brush it out to the best of my abilities I headed outside and down the steps glancing back at the house before slipping through the gate. The house was old, run down, and in desperate need of repairs. To anyone just looking at it, they couldn't even venture a guess as to how rich my Uncle actually is. But I understood his logic despite all his money, keep low key, and no one is the wiser.

Tucking my hair behind my ears and my hands into my front pockets I began the hour walk to Danielle's house hoping that she would be home. But, with all the luck I was carrying around in my back pocket she wouldn't be. By the time I got there, I realised I was close to being right, she was on her way out.

"Myranda," she squeaked. She looked like hell. Bags under her eyes, hair a mess. No make-up and in a simple fitted tshirt and sweat pants. "What the hell are you doing here, I was coming to get you."

I smiled at her. "With what?"

Dani looked around her yard like she expected a car to appear suddenly before she began laughing hysterically. "I guess I couldn't come get you."

I knew she was on something. What I wasn't sure. But she was different than I when it came to that. She was a cabbage head. A person who would experiment with any kind of drug that came her way. My guess was that a member of the bomb squad, which was the local crack selling crew, had stopped by with something special for her this morning.

I watched as she sat down on the cement step in front of her house and grinned up at me like an idiot. Any other person walking by would be horrified by her appearance and actions. I on the other hand, was in awe. I knew that right now, at this moment in time, she wasn't hurting mentally or physically. Everything was just how she wanted it to be.

"You," she smiled and began to get up again, "need to come in and try this shit."

"What is it?" I asked even though I doubted she'd know as I followed her into the house.

"An eightball," she grinned and pointed to her coffee table, one of the few pieces of furtniture in her house, a small mirror sat on top with another line of white power.

"Crack and heroin?" I glanced up at her and she nodded, plopping down on the floor at the opposite side of the table.

"It's amazing shit," she smiled.

I thought about it, but I wasn't keen on taking a mix. "No thanks Dani." I was shaking my head and her facial expression went from happy to pissed.

"Fine then," she snarled reaching up to the table and pulling the mirror and straw towards her, and I sat in silence as she snorted the last line then smiled at me softly beforing laying back on the floor enjoying the warming, calming, everything is right in the world feeling that washed over her body.

I hung out with her, or babysat her rather for the rest of the day. Night crept in and enveloped the house in darkness. It was time to turn on a light. I flicked the switch not too far from me and the lightbulb snapped, sparked and went out.

"Fuck," Dani muttered from beside me on her couch.

"Do you have any more lightbulbs?" I asked her.

"No," she muttered grouchily. "I can't take this anymore. We should go to Ehrin's."

Ehrin was well known in our neighborhood because he owned a get-off house a couple blocks away. This private place where heroin useres could purchase and use heroin for a fee was a very popular spot. Because of this, he'd also become a good friend over the years. Well, as good as these type of friends could be.

Out of sheer boredom I agreed with Dani and we headed outside to walk the couple blocks to Ehrin's. And the place wasn't a disappointment. It was rumbling with action from users, buyers, and sellers. As we walked through the dim house a nervousness watched over me. People were all over, either looking to shoot up, or just riding out the euorphia feel. Their black lifeless eyes watching us as we moved through different rooms to one at the back where Ehrin and a couple other guys were sitting.

"Girls," Ehrin greeted us and suggested we sit down. I sat down beside Dani, I never really wanted to get too far away from her.

"Looking for some fun?" he smiled and the other guys snickered. It'd been a good ten hours since Dani's last fix so she was totally eager.

I watched as Ehrin cooked her heroin and let her sit down on the bed that he was previously sitting on. I watched the whole thing go down and was totally oblivious to how wrong it was to just sit back and let my friend do that. Before I knew it it was all over with and Dani's fifteen to twenty seconds of feeling like nothing else in the world were over and she was sitting down beside me again smiling.

"Just try it Myranda, " she urged me with her smile. "There's no other feeling in the world."

I glanced over at her and her smile said what she believed.

"It makes everything go away," she assured me and I glanced at Ehrin nervously.

He grinned and patted the bed. "Come on babe. I'll give you your wings."

***

As I moved to the middle of the stage, guitar in hand, playing my heart out the other guys left the stage and just let me play for a good five minutes before they returned and we finished up our set with Bat Country.

It was walking back to the dressing room minding my own business for once when the little blond I'd ran into the other night at the club appeared in the hallway. The only difference was this time, she was wearing more clothes, an Avenged Sevenfold tshirt and jeans. The other thing that threw me off was that she looked sheepish.

"Hey," she greeted me as if she expected me to not remember her.

I nodded my head towards her and the rest of the guys kept walking. "How'd you get back here?"

She giggled. "I'm not gonna lie, I snuck back here."

I laughed and stuck my hands into the front pockets of my jeans.

"You don't remember me do you?" she asked casually.

This caused me to laugh again. There was no way I could forget her body, let alone the feel of it against mine. "No, I remember you just fine," I smiled.

She grinned and leaned against the wall. "If I'd have known it was you the other night, I wouldn't have been so rude."

"That's fine," I moved to stand in front of her as she stood up straight but continued to lean against the wall, she reached out with one hand, trailing her fingertips down my chest over my t-shirt. She was a groupie, and I knew it. But right now, that didn't phase me.

"I kinda got the feeling last night that you liked me," she grabbed a handful of my tshirt and pulled me closer. Who was I to resist? I stepped forwards so that my body was almost pressing her into the wall.

"I never got your name." I whispered against her lips. She smelled just like strawberries which lets face it, would drive almost any man crazy.

She laughed softly, brushing her lips against my cheek and along my jaw. "Do you really need it?" she asked before crashing her lips against mine.