First You Fall

Johnny’s P.O.V.

We’re fucking screwed

I put my car in drive and headed back to Zacky’s place. A glance at the car clock told me it was a little past 7 in the morning. I’d been parked in front of Toni’s apartment building for the last two hours. I’d asked Jimmy to let me have this shift instead of giving it to one of the many guys that worked for Zacky. I figured that if she did come back here she’d be more willing to see Zacky if it was me talking to her rather than some goon throwing her in a car but apparently it was all for nothing because she hadn’t so much as walked past this neighborhood.

I pulled into Zacky’s driveway and parked my car. Running a hand over my face I sighed and prepared for what was about to come. I knew from multiple phone calls that Zacky had barely slept and was still furious at anything or anyone he came across. We’d all expected that Toni would have come back by the morning but no had heard from her at all. I climbed out the car and jogged up the steps and let myself into the house. I walked over to lounge and found Jimmy, Matt and Val in there. Val was pacing and biting her nails; Jimmy was making call after call to the couple of guys he had sent out to look for Toni; and Matt sat watching Val, most likely trying to think of a way to calm her down. Not only were we all dealing with Zacky’s anger but we were also worried about Val. She kept blaming herself for the little things like letting Toni go look for Zack or leaving her keys lying on the table. Despite our best efforts to explain to her it wasn’t her fault she continued to blame herself. On top of dealing with Val and Zacky I could tell the other guys were worried about Toni too. She’d only been around for a short while but like me, the guys accepted her quickly and she almost became part of our little family.

“Where’s Zack?” I asked Matt as I sat down beside him.

“He and Brian went to go drive around again. Zacky couldn’t sit still for more than ten minutes.”

“Val?” I asked

“Yeah, Johnny?”

“You should sit down. Pacing won’t make you feel any better.”

“I know” Val said, sitting down on the couch “but I can’t help it. I’m just so stressed out.”

“Just try to relax. Nothing’s your fault.” Matt reached his hands out and started to massage her shoulders.

“Yes it is.” She leaned back into his arms. “I should have known not to –”

Val was cut off by Jimmy jumping up and practically shouting.

“Come on, we found her!”

“What?!” Val shouted as we all sprinted towards the door.

“Alex said he saw her walk out of the club. He’s trailing her right now and doesn’t know what to do.” Jimmy replied just as we made it out the door.

“That’s not possible. Matt and I searched the club last night.”

“Well he said he saw her so let’s fucking go!” I replied as I jumped into the driver seat of my car. Matt, Jimmy and Val were all in the car in less than 5 seconds and I was speeding down the street towards the club.

“Where is she now?” I heard Jimmy say into his phone. “Okay don’t fucking lose her.”

“Turn here, Johnny, it’ll be faster.” Jimmy said motioning for me to make a right at the light.

“Val get Zacky on the phone.” I said as I turned down the street Jimmy had directed.

Val pulled out her cell and started dialing Zacky’s number.

“We think we got her.” She said as soon as he answered.

“Where?” I could hear Zacky ask from the other end of the line.

“Jimmy where?” Val shouted from the passenger seat back at Jimmy.

“She’s moving man.” He replied before speaking back into his phone. “Alex where is she now?”

“Where the hell am I going?” I asked Jimmy as he spoke to Alex.

“Head towards the grocery store. That’s the street Alex is following her down right now.” Jimmy said to me and second later Val repeated it to Zacky who was still waiting on the line.

“Fuck! If push comes to shove just fucking grab her.” I heard Jimmy say to Alex. Apparently Zacky heard this too because seconds later we could hear him shouting through Val’s phone.

“He better not lay so much as a fucking finger on Toni! If he touches her I will personally make sure he stops fucking breathing! Tell him to just do his fucking job and keep trailing her.”

“Scratch that, don’t touch her.” Jimmy told Alex.

“What now?” I asked Jimmy as I sped down the street he had directed me to.

“Turn again.”

I made a left turn and Jimmy pointed out the window again.

“That’s Alex’s car right up there.”

I drove up the street and slowed down next to Alex’s car. I looked around and couldn’t see Toni anywhere. I stopped the car all together and hopped out followed by the other guys.

“Where is she?” I asked as I hit Alex’s car door.

He hopped out and stood up straight. It was obvious he was scared shitless and pointed behind him to a Denny’s.

“She went in there a couple of minutes ago.”

“Thanks man. You can leave now.” I clapped him on the shoulder and turned to face the guys again.

“Where’s Zack?” I asked Val.

“He should be here in a couple of minutes.”

“I’m going to go talk to her.” I said nodding towards Denny’s.

“Maybe we should wait for Zacky and let him talk to her.” Matt spoke for the first time since we had jumped in the car.

“No I think Johnny talking to her now is a better idea. If it was Zacky she was running from then it’s better someone else talk to her before she sees Zacky again.”

“Go for it man.” Jimmy said leaning against the car.

I turned and walked into the Denny’s.

Toni’s P.O.V.

I looked up as the door opened and nearly choked on my coffee when Johnny walked in. I put my coffee down and grabbed the menu the waiter had left on my table. I held the menu in front of my face and sunk low in my seats praying that Johnny hadn’t seen me. Seconds later I felt someone take the seat across from me.

“Why’d you run?” I heard Johnny ask me.

I dropped the menu and sighed.

“How’d you find me?” I asked.

“You didn’t think we would?”

“Good point.” I said, leaning forward onto the table. “Are you here to buy me breakfast?”

“Not exactly.” Johnny replied, leaning back in his seat and eyeing me. “So why’d you run?”

“What do you mean?” I asked, looking down at the menu and flipping idly through the pages.

“Let’s not play this game, Toni. Answer the fucking question.” Johnny said, taking a slightly harsher tone.

I looked up and glared at him.

“Why the fuck does it matter to you?” I spat back.

“Because I spent the night watching my best friend and boss lose his goddamn mind over you.”

“That’s not my fucking problem.” I said despite the fact that worry and sorrow had just washed over me when he mentioned Zacky.

“Come on Toni” Johnny sighed and said in a nicer tone “what’s going on? You knew it’s what we did when you first met us. You’ve known all this time so why run now?”

“Knowing it and actually seeing it are two different things, Johnny.” I looked down and started playing with my fingers.

“So you were surprised by it.”

“Not exactly.” I replied, trying to think of a way to explain it to him. “Johnny I knew that you guys were the fucking mob. I knew that involved hurting and killing people but I just never really thought about. To me you were just a bunch of cool guys and Zacky was the best fucking boyfriend I’ve ever had. But seeing him holding that gun” I paused and gave a low groan “it just shocked me. The bang, the blood. All of it. Seeing him like that was different than seeing him when I woke up next to him in the mornings or when he cuddled with me to watch a movie.”

“Do you have a problem with it?” Johnny asked.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean do you have a problem with it? The guns, the bangs, the blood, the death. Is it all more than you can deal with? Are you morbidly afraid of Zacky now?”

I paused and thought about it.

“I don’t know.” I finally replied. “I know I’m not afraid of Zacky. I don’t think he’d ever hurt me. But everything else. I don’t know how I feel about it.”

“Well you need to figure it out soon.” Johnny said, standing up.

“That’s it?” I asked, surprised that he was just going to leave.

“Yeah. It’s not like I can make the decision for you.” Johnny shrugged and headed towards the door. A couple of steps later he turned around and looked at me again.

“We’re not bad people Toni. We’re still the same people you’ve known for the past couple of months but either you except the things we do or you don’t.” With that Johnny spun on his heel and headed out of the restaurant.

I’d suddenly lost my appetite. I looked down at the table and groaned. Realizing there was no point in me staying here anymore, I stood up and headed out of the restaurant. I was hit with another shock when I left the restaurant. Lined up on the street were all the guys, Zacky standing closest to the door to the restaurant.

Is this what Johnny meant by making a decision soon? Fucking ass. Way to give me time to make a choice.