The Boy With the Pink Bass

The second Alex woke up, he was in pain. Not physical pain, but emotional pain. It was like the second he opened his eyes, a giant wave of sadness and nerves washed over him. He absolutely did not want to get out of bed today. Alex knew that as soon as he walked into school, Jack or Rian or… god forbid Zack, come up to him and instantly give him shit about what had happened. But, he knew that he just had to go to school and make an attempt to sort things out, because nobody else was going to. And if he skipped school, he was afraid Zack would think he didn’t care, which was a total lie. He cared so much. But everything was just going to be too much for him today.

And on that note, however reluctantly, Alex hoisted himself out of bed and lazily got himself ready for school. He took a lot longer than usual today. He got side tracked with fearing the day ahead of him.

Alex walked to school the whole time drifting in and out of these intense daydreams playing out exactly how the day would go, each one having differences that lead to a vastly different outcome. Alex hoped that it would be the best outcome possible, because he was really not in the mood to lose anyone at this point in time, but realistically, he knew that someone was bound to get seriously hurt by his or Zack’s or Jack’s actions. Or more plausibly, any pair of the aforementioned.

By the time the boy had walked into the school, he started desperately trying to stabilize his emotions, as he had English first period with Jack. And they fucking sat next to each other. Well, this was bound to be immensely awkward. And of course, not thirty seconds after he entered the doors of the ominous high school, the dreadful bell rang, signaling he had to walk in and face his fear dead on.

And, that he did. He walked towards the door to the English classroom and, lo and behold, Jack was sitting in the seat right next to Alex’s, scrawling something on a crumpled piece of paper. The sight of the other boy made Alex get this nervous feeling in the very pit of his stomach, and he hesitated a little before walking over to the seat and plopping himself down loudly next to Jack.

Alex could actually feel the tension in the air. It was almost tangible. It was like this thick, obtrusive tension that someone needed to break or else Alex might go insane. He needed to say something or he felt like the tension would choke him. But, he couldn’t speak. His mind, and his throat, wouldn’t let him.

He had to write Jack a note. That’s it. Alex would write a note to Jack and maybe they’d get talking. This whole ‘incident’ needed to be talked about. So, he tore a piece of paper out of a tattered yellow spiral notebook and scrawled a note on it in his rather messy handwriting.

'You know, you’ve got some real balls to be fucking rape-kissing me in front of my boyfriend. You should’ve seen him after you left. It broke my heart, Jack. I hated it.'

Alex casually slid the note over to Jack, and he nearly heard the other boy’s breath hitch
in his throat. Out of the corner of this eye, Alex watched Jack read the note and begin to respond to it. Jack’s face got steadily redder, and with each passing second Alex got more and more nervous for Jack’s reply. It was nearly a relief when Jack slid the paper back to Alex. He promptly read it.

'I know, Alex. If it means anything to you at this point, I am so, so sorry. I acted without thinking and it was wrong of me, and I beat myself up for putting you in such a shitty position. You and Zack both have every right to hate me after what I did, and I would say I’m ready to face that but I’m not. Do what you want, I deserve it.'

Jack exhaled and handed the note back to Alex. Reading this response was really hard.
Not only did it bring tears to Alex’s eyes, but with every other word he just felt worse and worse about being so mad. But he had to be mad. He was a bit slower at writing a response; there was so much to handle right now.

'I know you’re sorry, Jack. But that’s not something I can forgive easily. I mean, I care about Zack more than anything right now, and seeing him hurt because of something stupid you initiated hurts me more than anything. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to hate you forever or whatever it is you’re afraid of, but I do want a little bit of space for myself and Zack, and I don’t think that’s too much to ask for. I’m sorry too, for this and anything that’s to come. You’re still my best friend.'

Alex was nearly in tears at this point, and with a shaking hand he passed the note to his friend, who didn’t make every contact with him and snatched the note from under Alex’s palm. Jack skimmed over it, and scrawled something quick in response, practically throwing the note at his friend.

'I understand. I’m sorry.'

That was cold. Alex expected more in response; a plea for forgiveness, a long apology letter, anything but 4 words of pure coldness. Even though he knew Jack meant every one of those four words, it was still cold. Alex’s heart sank to the bottoms of his feet, and he angrily crumpled up the note and stuffed it into his backpack, which was propped up against his chair, and spent the rest of the period trying not to break down and cry.

Only five more minutes until he had History with Zack. The nerves were practically eating him alive. When the bell rang to signal that he had to actually go to this dreaded class, Alex nearly puked. He reluctantly walked to the classroom, knees getting shakier with every step. And of course, Zack had to be there already.

Alex hesitated for a minute at the doorway, trying to gather himself mentally before trying to come within Zack’s vicinity. Feeling he was sort of…not really… stable enough to walk over to his seat, Alex did so.

He sat himself delicately next to his boyfriend right as the bell to start class rang, and immediately their ever-so-boring History teacher began lecturing about John Adams or someone equally as ancient and boring. Now, Alex thought, would be a good time to try to get some note-passing going with Zack.

'I talked to Jack last period.'

Alex was a lot more nervous to start up this conversation, because he knew full well what he was in danger of losing. He slid the note to Zack and waited impatiently to get a response. It sent chills down his spine when the small piece of paper hit his arm. Zack’s handwriting was rather messy.

'Oh really?'

Alex could tell Zack didn’t really want to talk, but dammit, he was determined to talk to his boyfriend.

'Yeah. He told me he was really really sorry about everything and that we both have every right to hate him. I just told him we needed space. And I’m so sorry too, Zack. I’m sorry for hurting you, I’m sorry he had to mess things up, I’m just so, so sorry. I hope you can forgive me because I like you a whole fucking lot and I care about you more than anything.'

Hesitantly, thinking whether or not he should’ve said more, Alex slid the note to his boyfriend. His hand was shaking noticeably, and he partially hoped Zack noticed what this whole situation was doing to him.

Zack was taking forever to write a response. It was probably going to be long. God, if Zack was dumping him Alex might as well just go home and sit in a corner and die. He couldn’t lose Zack. He just absolutely couldn’t.
Finally, he saw that little square of white slide under his elbow.

'Alex, calm down. It’s okay. Really. I know it wasn’t your fault, and I never really blamed you, although it probably looked like that when I freaked the fuck out at your house. I was just upset because, you know, some asshole was kissing up my boyfriend in front of me. I’m not mad at you, and I certainly am not going to break up with you if that’s what you’re afraid of. I know if it were me in your position, I would be terrified of that. I’m just unbelievably pissed at Jack. I want to beat the shit out of that kid. I know he’s your best friend so I won’t do that. But, I would like some space from him for some time. I really like you, Alex. You’re my boyfriend, and some horny jealous dick fuck isn’t going to change that.'

Alex felt a sigh of relief to read that. Almost all of his fears were shot down by this note. He just wanted to grab Zack and kiss him, right in the middle of history class. But, Mr. Strauchman wouldn’t take too kindly to that. Borderline excitedly, Alex scribbled a response to Zack and slid the note at him, trying to make eye contact. When he was successful, Alex flashed a little grin at his boyfriend. It was reciprocated. This was turning out wonderfully.

'I agree. I told Jack we needed space, and I don’t know if he’s okay with that but it’s going to happen. I would really do anything for you, baby. To hear all of that^ gave me so much relief. I was so scared to lose you.'

Alex could see Zack smile and blush at his note, and it was just about the cutest thing ever. And Alex meant every word of that. Everything was going so well.

'Good plan. Hey, if you’d do anything for me, maybe we can hang out after school today? I want to actually talk and yanno, have you alone to myself.'

He was so excited. This was perfect. Alex had practically made up with Zack, and now they were hanging out after school today. The day could not have gone better. Alex was so scared he was going to lose his boyfriend, and now everything was okay. He couldn’t keep himself from smiling, and hopefully the teacher didn’t notice. Also, hopefully he hadn’t noticed that he and Zack were passing notes the entire class…

'Okay :)'

Alex responded, and Zack looked at his boyfriend and smiled widely. Alex smiled back, and he could feel his face turning a deep shade of red. It was but five minutes after the boys went back to actually paying attention in class that the obnoxious, clanging bell rang, signaling the end of the school day.