A Deal's a Deal...

A's POV

I was currently walking down the boardwalk, watching the ocean waves hit the white sandy shore with the sun making the blue waves shine shades of orange and yellow. My hair was pounding around my face from the random forces of wind caused by the crashing waves. I looked up to the sky, watching the different shades turn darker with the sunset. I walked down a little further to where we usually threw our beach parties underneath the pier. I leaned on the rail, thinking, taking everything in I had just said to Jay. A silent tear escaped my eye and I tried to blink the rest away, but they just started falling. Dammit

I wish I didn't feel this way every moment I'm alone. I'm terrified of things happening and I'm afraid I'll miss something completely. Of course, me being an idiot and all, I ran away to be alone. Nice going A, really nice. Jay just wanted to help me so why did I run? More tears escaped at what I remembered doing to my best friend that's been there for me through hell. Even the worst day possible. I sighed to myself trying not to think about that day but the memory never faded, it forced it's way back in.

"Come home with me please?" Chris whispered drunkenly in my ear. I nodded, confused by the alcohol consumption I've had tonight. It was my 18th birthday and I was currently dating my boyfriend of 3 months, Chris, since Matt and I argued over his feelings on our situation. Chris told me he loved me and actually commited to our relationship.

Matt couldn't commit because he was way to far into the bands buisness causing him to lose connection with me. He didn't know if he could still date a highschool girl with him being a rockstar and all. Fuck That! He can suck my non existant dick because I am now 18 and bitchin' about it. Jay and I graduate in 4 months then we're gone. He'll be 21 this year and so will Brian, but then again, Brian actually loves Jay now doesn't he?

One thing that suprised me though was that all the guys were here though they were in between tour and their ladies, or my pimpets as I say, we're here as well. And when I say all the guys, Matt was included only, Val was hanging off of him like a fucking lap dog, Ew, gross. I've always hated Val but I guess she finally got my sloppy seconds. Who the fuck even invited her in the first place? My Party?!

I smiled at my 24 year old boy toy and kissed him deeply, hoping Matt saw every fucking inch of me was on him instead of Chris. I parted my lips from his and pecked them one last time. "I'll be right back, meet you in the car?" I asked Chris as he nodded and winked at my, squeezing my ass.

I ran head on and tackled my two best friends that made this birthday possibly the fucking best. "Jay, Bri! You bitches are amazing! Thank you so much for this all, really. I appreciate it all!" I yelled. They both started giggling at me and kissed my cheeks at the same time. I hugged Jay one last time before taking my leave. "I'm going to head out with Chris babe, I'll be home in the morning kay?" She looked a little in stress after I said that and a little worried. She's never liked Chris for some reason, he just gives her a bad vibe. She kept quiet like usual though and kissed my cheek one last time. She nodded and said "Call me if you need me babe and call me before you go to bed tonight, kay?" I nodded in agreement and pointed at Bri. "She better be home and safe in the morning Bribear or your ass is mine." he smiled, winked, and put his arms around Jay's waist. "Will do." he answerd and turned towards the rest of the crowd to say my goodbyes.

I walked around to everyone giving my gratitude and saying my goodbyes to all my guests. Once I got Matt though, I had to think about even going near him. I really thought about skipping out on him since Val's tongue was down his throat. I sighed and looked down a little bit, scuffing the floor lightly with my shoe. "If you don't do it not, you'll regret it in the morning." I said in a mumble to myself and made my way over towards the dry humping Val and Matt.

I tapped his shoulder lightly. Matt opened his eyes and noticed it was me, pushing Val away very quickly from his lips. "H-hey A, whats up?" he studdered and I giggled at how innocent he seemed at being caught by doing a dirty deed. I held my arms out to him recieving a glare from Val so I put my middle finger up so she could see it. "Can the B-day bitch atleast get a hug before I leave?" I asked putting on a pout he couldnt resist. He smiled and those dimples proved to me that I won my hug.

He pulled me into his arms and hugged me tightly taking in my scent. I took his smell in as well, the odor being so very familiar to my nose. He hugged me tighter and I felt so safe compared to the past 3 months we've barley spoken, This is the most contact we've had since then. A tear fell down my cheek and I slightly pulled away but he still held me. "Hey, hey. Whats wrong? Your suppose to be smiling and pulling jokes on everyone remember?" He said taking my cheeks into his palms, whiping the tears away with his thumb.

Val finally walked away from us giving us our own space away from HER after I started crying! I sighed and chuckled slightly at my stupid ways. Breaking down to my ex boyfriend, great Anna. "I was just thinking...of how we use to be..." I said and looked away from his eyes. We both grew silent and he pulled my face closer to his causing me to look into his eyes. They flashed a lost emotion I'd haven't seen in so long and he pushed me against the wall gently leaning forward. "Matt..." I said before his lips crashed into mine. It started getting heated and then he finally pulled away, leaning his forehead against my own.

"I've missed us too..." He said before smiling and kissing me one last time. I was speechless but my anger got the best of me as usual. I pushed him away and shook my head. "Matt. You left me, remember? You went back to that bitch Val." I said in a monotone. He just stared at me while I looked away from his eyes. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't..." I took a deep breath and looked back at him. "That shouldn't have happened." I said before pushing away from him and walking away. I heard a mumbled 'fine' excare his mouth and saw him go back over to Val. I scoffed, he's just like any other guy.

I walked outside and saw Chris in the car. I took a deep breath and got in the car. I leaned over and pulled Chris's face to mine, pushing our lips together which continued into a unbelieveable makeout session. I put my hand on his package and felt how excited he was. I broke apart and said "Drive". He put the car in gear and sped out of the parking lot.

He was trying to find the right key for his house but I was making it difficult with my constant teasing. He growled and pushed me against the door, hard with the doorknob in my back. I groaned in pain but it soon became a moan of pleasure when his lips kissed me furiously. I fumbled with the keys in my hand trying to find that damned key and finally got the door open.

We rushed up to his room and he locked the door as I laid down on his bed. Of course at the time, I didn't think anything of it, just figured he didn't want us to be bothered. He crawled on top of me, connecting our lips again in a firey kiss again but as the kiss decended, I couldn't help but feel a little empty. Like I was doing this with the wrong person. I knew exactly what my heart wanted and it wasn't Chris but I loved him. I did, just not as much as Matt. He had my heart and didn't even know it.

We grinded on each other until our clothes were finally on the groun of the room and he was teasing me. I whispered for him to stop and a name that shouldn't have been spoken came out. "Matt...stop teasing me please. I want you..." Complete Silence Chris stared at me for a few moments until I couldn't take the awkwardness anymore. I tried to pull away from Chris so I could leave or something because this just got to weird. I knew what I was doing was wrong but I craved for the feeling of being wanted. Just not wanted by Chris.

"Chris, I'm sorry." He shook his head and quickly began kissing me again, leading me on to believe he wanted for us to finish this even though I didn't want to at all with the way he was acting now. I tried to push his mouth away from mine so I bit his tongue hard and he growled a little bit biting my lip hard causing it to bleed. I whimpered in fear at what was to come next.

Chris pounded his member into my tight spot without slipping the opened condom on beside the bed. "I tried to move away from him, get him out of me but he was to strong to move compared to my body. I begged for him to stop what he was doing but I recieved a slap to the face causing my head to move to the side. He pounded harder into me and I cried in pain feeling the hot liquid run down my thighs slightly. I was definitly not liking the fact that this was pleasuring me in the slightest.

Tears stung my eyes and I couldn't help but to moan a few times at the pleasure over taking my body from the orgasm that was occuring in his body and my own. Once we were both done, he never moved off of me. I tried to push him away and I whimpered at the fact I was to weak. He growled and smacked me across the face again. I could feel a slight opening in my skin. Bruises were going to be there in the morning. "Shut up you stupid Bitch. I saw you kissing him so this makes this that much more pleasureable for me." He whispered in my ear before thrusting in and out of me again starting a second round of this unwanted pleasure.

The night went on and on that way with the random slaps and sudden thrusts of rape. Once he was close to his 4th oragasm for the night, he wrapped his hands around my neck and closed my air. I tried to pry his hands from around my neck but he tighted his grip and I could feel my concious slipping little by little until my body became numb and I drifted off into the deepest sleep I've ever slept in fear.

I woke up to a stinging pain in my head and random parts of my body were sore. I couldn't focus my eyes with the sun shining through the blinds fo the window. Once I realzied everything that happend last night, I sat straight up, gripping the sheet close to me, gasping for air. I noticed the bedroom door was opened and I couldn't hear Chris anywhere up stairs so I slipped my worn out clothes from the night before carefully not to add to much more pain than I already had.

I walked down stairs slowly, trying to ease the ache in my hips but once I reached the bottom step, my breath hitched as the front doorknob started twisting. What if it's Chris coming back? What if he see's me like this?! Oh God, it can't happen again! "Hello?! Chris! A! Where are you gu...?" Brian cut off mid sentence, standing in the doorway, staring at my body. I could only imagine what he saw. A beat up birthday girl from hell getting ready to go find another guy on the street to pay her to get sexed and beat. I released the breath of air I was holding and sat down harder on the step than I intended. "Brian...I'm...I'm so sorry...for..." I cried my eyes out, losing my voice in between my sobs.

Brian ran to me, holding me in his arms, whispering sweet nothings for me to calm down. "Shh A. It's okay, I've got you. Your safe. You're okay. Calm down for me babe." I could tell my anxiety attack was going down with me matching my breathing with Brian's. Once I calmed down, he pulled my face to his and stared in my eyes. "A, you gotta tell me what happend?" I nodded and tried to speak. "I.." I sighed and tried to stop the crying before it happened again. "Not here. Just please take me away and never bring me back." I said and just like that, we left with everything I owned.

We arrived at Bri's house which Jay lived in so I ran right to her. Brian and her held me all day long and all night long listening to my story, keeping me calm with my cries trying to make me have a anxiety attack. They kept telling me it wasn't my fault but I never understood how it wasn't. I mean, I practically led him on to rape me but I didn't argue. I agreed with them to make it easier on me.

A few weeks later, I found out that I was pregnant....and it was definitly Chris's. I thought I was going to die when I found out because I was 18, the child is come from rape, my parents will kill me, and the major number one is that it's not Matt's. I thought I was going to lose it but of course, Brian and Jay were there for me all the way. No one else knew. I told my parents but they gladly kicked me out since I was so imperfect like there first daughter Kayla, queen bitch herself.

I moved in with Jay and Bri, but more or less Jay since Bri had to leave the week I told them both about me being pregnant. None of the other guys knew about me being raped or pregnant because I practically stopped talking them afraid they would tell Matt and I didn't want that. They we're leaving for tour again anyways, only here for my birthday party then back on the road though I appreciated it very much. Once all the guys left, I thought I would get better but I was wrong. I got worse so Jay came to me one day with the offer of having the child, adoption or abortion. Abortion and adoption were out of the picture so I was having this baby and keeping it, no matter what.

The guys came back for a show at the hometown before leaving to go back around the country. That's when I asked if Jay and Bri would come with me to tell Chris and they did. I was 6 months pregnant by then and he accepted the fact that of keeping the baby but that isn't anywhere what he implied in between those lines

Once I had my addorable brown headed, green eyed, 6 pound 1 ounce baby boy. I craddled him in my arms with a random name popping in my head. Jemison Blake was his name. The doctors kept us a few days extra because they wanted to make sure Jemison and I were both okay and Jay stayed with me since she was going through hell with Bri being gone and they we're fighting. Once the day came for us to leave, I came to find out that Chris took off with my gorgeous baby boy and actually had a court rule for me to pay child support to him for 6 years and I wouldn't be aloud to see my baby boy til he was 6 years old. I cried and cried until they finally put me on depression pills and still to this day I'm left heartbroken.

All those horrible memoies flooded my mind and I couldn't contain my tears. I tried to whipe them away but they kept rolling down my cheeks. I sighed and shook my head in annoyance and my baby ways. I looked out to the ocean thinking of the day I get to see my baby. It's March 1st today and I just turned 24 this year on February 12th. Matt will be 26 on July 31st. My baby boy will be 6 years old on October 12th at 5:59 am that morning.

I sighed at the thought of me going and seeing him. He probably won't even remember me, probably think I'm the worst thing ever for his own mother to leave him or atleast I bet that's exactly what Chris is feeding him right now. Fucking liar. I growled in annoyance. I heard a slight chuckle and I jumped. I looked over to see Matt standing by me leaning against the rail. I sighed calming my heart looking back out to the ocean with the wind blowing my hair around. "Hi Matt." I said in a quiet whisper.

"Hey. So you wanna tell me why your up here above the party?" I shook my head. "Not really. You wouldn't understand." I said in a monotone. He sighed and I looked over to his sad expression. He seemed defeated at my response, like I crushed something inside of him. "I wish you would tell me more stuff like you use to. Your a closed shell now and I have no idea where my A Babe went." I smiled at the cute nickname he used to call me but it faultered slightly at what we were talking about. "Honestly Matt, if I were to tell you, you wouldn't have any idea of what to do or say about it." I said. He growled, grabbing me by my waist and pushing my back against the rail, making me look at him.

"A, Dammit! Why don't you trust me? Maybe if you told me something I wold know how to fucking fix it!" He said in annoyance. I threw it right back at him, pushing his chest to move away from my body and he did with ease. "Trust?! Really!? I did trust you! I loved you Matt! You went behind me and Val pulled you right back in so don't you dare talk to me about trust! If you wouldn't have fucked her and we wouldn't have broken up, then I wouldn't be in the situation I am now!!!!" I yelled tears stinging my eyes, rolling down my cheeks.

He just sighed and his glare lightened into a soft face of guilt. "I'm...A, I'm sorry. I never should have done any of that to you. I knew what I wanted back then but I was scared..." He said and moved closer to me, pushing me back against the rail with his body against mine. His lips were mere inches from mine. "I know what I want now and I'm not afraid of claiming it this time..." He said before capturing my lips in his and forced a passionate kiss on to my lips.

Once our lips parted, his forehead laid against mine and I felt whole again, like I used to when we were together. I sighed and kissed him again at the seperation our lips had. He smiled and I hugged him tightly. I stared at him and thought about the word trust. Trust is just another emotion you have to start believeing in again A, just do it! I smiled and pulled him down on the pier and we sat down with our legs handing over like we used to. "Do you really want to know what I was talking about earlier?" I asked and took a deep breath. He nodded and took my hand in his, rubbing circles gently on my skin. I took another deep breath.

"Alright, here we go..." I said in fear of what was going to happen between Matt and I after this sharing time was through and over with. Afraid of what hate was going to come out and claim me that he might have been holding for so long. Afraid the love I knew he held for me was going to dissapear and the love I held for him would officially be torn away from my body. Afraid....I would lose the last thing I had to keep my humanity straight....