Snap!

~

Strify shook his head, finally coming to his senses. He quickly scrambled out of the tub and ran after the water trail. His heart clenched when he heard sobbing. As he got to the bottom of the stairs he spotted Bill, pulling on his clothes as fast as he could.

He grabbed the boy's frantic hands, startling him. “Bill-”

“Strify, just let me go home! I don't need to embarrass myself anymore than I already have.”

Strify's brows furrowed, but before he could reply, Bill continued.

“I can't believe I told you I loved you and expected you to say it back.” he said, tears streaming down his cheeks. “I can't believe I thought anyone would say it to me.”

“Bill, how can you say that?”

“I'm a fat, pregnant, moronic slut! No one wants me like this! I should have just gotten the abortion when I had the chance!”

Strify's eye widened in shock. He never thought those words would come out of Bill's mouth. He squeezed the boy's hands. “You do not mean that, Bill. You know you don't!”

“Why don't I!?” Bill shouted. “Getting pregnant ruined my life! Out of hundreds, Andreas is the only friend I have left! People make fun of me, and they didn't even believe Yu when he told them the truth! My parents don't show it, but I know they're ashamed of me! When I first told them I was pregnant...they could barely even look at me. You should have seem my mom's face. It broke her heart knowing how big of a fuck up her son is. Those dirty looks old people always give me. Adults pity me like I have six months to live, or something! I can't believe I was stupid enough to think someone could love...this.” Bill gestured to his body, shame flooding his mind.

“Bill Trumper...don't you ever say any of that again. Your parents love you more than anything. They aren't, and were never disappointed in you. You made an honest mistake that almost anyone could make. And don't think you're unattractive just because you've gained weight, and have weird cravings. I love you just the way you are. Pregnant, or not.”

“...you said...you love me?”

“Bill, I love you more than life itself. I haven't been with anyone in a long time. And I think fate was telling me I needed that time to heal, and to prepare myself for the wonderful person I was about to meet. Can't you accept that you're beautiful and utter perfection to me?”

“...how can you love someone like me?” Bill asked.

“How? You're amazing, Bill. I never thought I'd find anyone after...” Strify trailed off, realizing he'd said too much.

“After what?”

“...nothing. I...it's not important. All that matters is getting you dry and making sure you don't get sick.” he smiled, completely changing the subject.

Bill frowned. Why was Strify lying to him? But he sighed and cracked a convincing smile. “Strify...I think we need to get you dry. After all...you're the one who's naked.”

Strify blushed, realizing his nudity. “Right. I guess that's a good id-”

“Oh my God.”

The shock in his voice was enough to tell Strify that he was in trouble. He barely glanced out his left eye, mentally cursing when he saw where Bill's gaze was directed. Right on his scarred thighs. He was totally fucked.

“You're a cutter.” It wasn't a question. It was a true statement that Strify had no chance of arguing with. Bill knew, and it made him sick to his stomach. Bill looked up at Strify, brows knitted together while his eyes flooded with tears. “Why?” he managed to ask.

Strify cleared his throat uncomfortably, wishing the floor would just swallow him up. “I have my reasons...” he mumbled.

“BULLSHIT! How can you do this to yourself!? What the fuck is the matter with you, Strify!?” Bill screamed. “I mean look at your legs! They look like you out them through a paper shredder! How long have you been doing this to yourself!?”

Strify toed the floor, suddenly feeling a wave of shame wash over him as his boyfriend yelled at him. “...two years. Give or take...” he muttered.

“Two- WHAT THE FUCK!? WHY!?”

“I-”

“You're risking your life by doing this! You could lose too much blood, you could get an infection, you could die of shock! Then what, Strify!? Then what!? You sit back and watch as the people who love see you wither away in a hospital bed!? What would Luminor say if he knew about this!?”

“He knows...” Strify's voice was small and scared.

“And you still haven't stopped? For fuck's sake, get some help! Go into therapy!”

“I...I tried therapy. It didn't help.”

“That's why you were snapping those stupid rubber bands...” Bill muttered. “You're so stupid! Give me one decent reason why you harm yourself! One!”

Strify was silent. He couldn't predict Bill's reaction if he knew the truth about his past. He would probably dump him and get a restraining order.

Bill glared at the half blonde, mind swimming with emotions. The pregnant boy exhaled loudly, running his hand through his hair. “You should have told me.”

“Yeah? And what was I supposed to say?”

Bill frowned. In way he understood. If Strify had blatantly told him what he did in his free time...he knew his reaction wouldn't have been much better than this. “Okay...I guess I understand where you're coming from with that...but I don't understand why you do this!”

“I don't want you to understand. I just want you to back off!”

Bill winced. That hurt. “Fine.” he said, looking down at the floor sadly. “You know where to find me when you figure out where we stand. I just want to help.”

“Bill, no! I-” the naked boy sighed, grabbing his boyfriend's hand. “Bill...this isn't something I like talking about. It's painful. And frankly, humiliating.”

“What? Why-”

“I didn't want you to see how pathetic I am. Poor little Strify can't handle his emotions. The emo kid who's best friend is a blood soaked razor blade. The freak with a fuck load of problems. It's not like I like it. I hate it. But...I can't stop.”

Strify frowned pathetically, plopping down onto the couch in a fit of misery. Bill followed, only doing so more gently what with being eight months pregnant.

“Strify, you can talk to me. Tell me what you're thinking.”

Strify sighed. “...it's a fucking addiction. I can't stop. The most I can go is a few weeks, but sooner or later I crack. I have a breakdown, lock myself in my room, and end up sitting in a pool of my own blood. It's like I'm a fucking crack whore.”

“Strify?”

“What?”

“You've been there for me the past four months. I'm gonna be there for you. I wanna help you.”

Strify scoffed sadly. “You got a time machine in there?” he asked, nodding towards Bill's stomach.

Bill looked down and smiled at his stomach. “No...but we have lots of love. And plenty of support.”

“It's not that easy, Bill.”

“I know! Well...okay, I don't know. But I don't care how long it takes. As long as I can sleep easy knowing that you aren't having to resort to harming yourself. Just give therapy another chance. Please?”

“Therapists are just nosy idiots with diplomas and boxes of tissues.”

“Strify, I will go to every session with you if that's what it takes to get you to go. I'm begging you.”

Strify looked back and forth between his legs and his boyfriend. “Okay.”

“You'll go?”

Strify sighed, but nodded. “I'm not gonna lose you over something stupid. If this is what I have to do to get to be with you...then I'll go.”

Bill smiled widely and nearly jumped the brunette, hugging him tightly. “I know you can overcome this.”

“I love you, Bill.” Strify whispered, wrapping his arms around the pregnant boy.

“I love you too, Strify.”

~

Yu let out an intense groan, followed by a soft sigh before turning over onto his back. A small smile graced his lips as he stared at the ceiling, quite tempted to fall asleep.

Kiro pulled the sheet to his chest, hair and make-up askew. “You okay?” he asked, panting lightly.

Yu's cocked his head. “Do you think I'm gonna be a good dad?”

Kiro's smile faded a bit, but he soon replaced it with happier one. “Most definitely.”

Yu sighed again, reaching below the sheets. He carefully removed the pink condom and tied it off, tossing it into the waste bin beside the bed. He pressed his palms to his eyes, not really caring about his hygiene at that moment. “Are you lying to make me feel better?”

“No. I really think you'll be a good parent. I know it'll take some adjusting, but...the twins will be lucky to have you as a father whether you believe it or not.”

“Might you happen to have any advice for me? Bill's due in a month and I'm freaking the fuck out.” he mumbled, flopping onto his stomach.

“Don't do anything stupid?” the blonde suggested.

Yu chuckled. “Great advice.” he paused and lightly pecked Kiro's lips. “I gotta go. Apartment hunting with Bill. Again. Wish me luck.”

Yu stripped the sheets off of his body and scavenged the floor for his boxers. Kiro smiled and shook his head as Yu pulled on his shirt and reached for his jeans. He sat up just as Yu reached the door, waving goodbye before leaving down the hall. “Luck.” he whispered.

~

“So this one is a two bed, one and a half bath. The floors are brand new, as well the appliances. It's within your price range, and-”

“The windows are too low.” Bill stated.

The realtor looked at him in confusion. “Too low? I...don't understand.”

“They're too low.” he repeated. “What if we accidentally leave them open, and the twins fall out? We're three stories high!” he exclaimed, worry written in his features.

“Bill-”

“Plus there's an outlet right above the sink and next to the shower.” he added, peeking inside the full bath. “Ever heard of electrocution!?”

Both the realtor and Yu sighed. This was the third apartment they'd looked at today, and Bill had managed to find major problems in each one. The first one had too many stairs. The second one's bedrooms were too small and the flooring was all wood. He was afraid the twins might fall and get hurt.

He was more paranoid than Yu and Strify combined.

For the past month, Yu had been looking for an apartment that stood up to Bill's standards so that maybe at some point Bill would let the twins stay over, but so far they'd had no luck.

“Bill...I will personally glue the windows shut, and hire an electrician to rewire that outlet.” Yu stated. It was hot, and he was tired. He just wanted to find an apartment and take a nap.

Bill gnawed on his lip, unsure about allowing his sons to ever stay there. “I think we should try somewhere else...” he replied.

Yu groaned in agony. “Okay. Got any other places available?” he asked the realtor.

She looked down at her chart, scanning it quickly. “Several, but we can continue later if you'd prefer. I'm sure you must be tired by now.”

Yu looked over to Bill. “You up for more, or do you need to go home?”

“Well...I wanna look at more places, but my feet are so swollen, I can't feel my toes.” Bill said, shuffling his aching feet.

Yu nodded. “Alright. We'll call when we figure out a schedule?”

She nodded. “That's just fine. You know my office's hours.”

~

“Sorry I'm so picky.” Bill stated, aiming the car vents on him. He moaned as the cool air hit his face.

“It's fine. We want to be sure, right?” Yu replied.

“Right, but it's your money. I shouldn't even have a say in it.”

“You should, considering you'll be the one to let them stay over or not.”

Bill smiled. “I will, even if we have to put padding on everything in the apartment. But I'll admit it might take me a while to be without them. You get really attached to someone when they're inside your stomach and beating up your bladder for eight, going on nine months.”

“I bet. I don't think I could handle having a person inside me. Let alone two.”

Bill shook his head and rubbed his belly. “You'd whine more than me.”

A slightly awkward silence filled the car, making both teens feel extremely uncomfortable.

Yu pursed his lips. “So-”

“Yu?”

“Huh?”

Bill smiled longingly out the window. He let out a laugh before continuing. “Remember the first time I went down on you?”

Yu's eyes went wide and he looked at Bill as if he were crazy. “Excuse me?”

Bill laughed again and shook his head. “The first time I tried to blow you. I took more than I could handle and choked myself? I had a coughing fit for twenty minutes.”

Yu couldn't help but smirk at the memory. “Of course I remember that. Why?”

Bill shrugged. “Just thinking about how much has changed since then.”

“Like...the fact that you no longer have a gag reflex?”

Bill playfully punched his ex's arm, rolling his eyes in amusement. “No. Well...yes. But...I meant life in general. First party, first beer, first cigarette, first time...I honestly can't remember the 'innocent' me. Looking back...nothing has stayed the same.”

“But...isn't that a good thing? You always seemed to like change. You dyed and styled you hair all the time, got new piercings, always wanted to try new things.”

“I do, don't get me wrong. Doing the same thing everyday of your life is boring when there's a whole world out there to explore. But...there are always things you wish you could keep the same forever.”

Yu's eyes scanned Bill intensively. He knew that feeling all to well. He wished he could rewind his world back to when he saw Bill happy, and that happiness was because of him.

“Yu...?” Bill asked, straightening up. “Have you told you parents about...?” he trailed off, patting his extremely large stomach.

Yu paused, but only for a moment. “I told my mother after the...incident at the clinic.” he replied.

“How did she take the news?”

Yu cracked a small smile. “Well. She wasn't proud, but she wasn't ashamed. I suppose I got the reaction I was hoping for though.”

Bill smiled. “Good. What about your dad?”

Yu's hands visibly clenched around the steering wheel. “...he doesn't know. And he's not gonna.”

“But-”

“He's not in my life right now. I never really had a 'father', so to speak. I don't see why he should know.”

Bill frowned. “You never told me your father wasn't around.”

“Yeah...well...it's a sore spot...”

“You never really told me about any of your family.”

Yu's Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. “Uhm...I have a brother. And a sister.”

“You have- why didn't you tell me!? See, this is what I'm talking about! Secrets! We were together for two years, and you failed to mention that you had siblings? I haven't even met your mother!”

Bill huffed and cross his arms, turning towards the door and angrily looking out of the window. Yu sighed, spotting a flower shop a yards away. He stopped, parking his car into a vacant space. He was out and back in the car within minutes, three bouquets in his hands. One of lilies, one of blue roses, and another of sunflowers.

He didn't answer any of Bill's questions about the flowers, he just kept driving until he found his destination. Bill squinted as he read the sign on the iron gate, brows furrowed in confusion. Yu just got out of the car before he could say anything, taking the flowers with him.

The overly pierced teen stopped abruptly a couple minutes later. “Bill...I want you to meet my family.” he said.

Bill's eyes softened as he looked where Yu had gestured. Three graves. The middle headstone was the largest. It said:

Lillian Mary de Buhr
April 2, 1966 – January 20, 1997
Loving Mother, Wife, and Daughter

Bill could only assume that was Yu's mother. The one to it's left read:

Andrew James de Buhr
July 8, 1983 - May 16, 2000
Loving Son and Brother

And the one to it's right read:

Veronica Rose de Buhr
December 23, 1980 - December 23, 1999
Loving Daughter and Sister

Bill couldn't help but notice that all the dates were different. He didn't want to ask, but he felt like he had to. “How did they die?” he asked, voice small.

Yu was silent as he brushed away stray leaves and dirt. He place the lilies on his mother's headstone, the sunflowers on his sister's, and the blue roses on his brother's. He sat down in front of his mother's grave. “...suicide.” he replied lowly. “Mom popped a bottle of pills. Veronica hung herself with her favorite scarf. Drew slit his wrists.”

With a great deal of struggle, Bill managed to sit on the ground beside Yu. “Why?”

Yu shrugged, pulling his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them as he stared at his dead family's final resting places. “Family problems.” he mumbled.

“...why didn't you tell me?”

“It never occurred for me to do so. I just...I try to block it all out. Knowing they're all gone...it just makes life harder.”

Bill smiled at Lillian's grave. “She'd be proud of you.” he said.

Yu scoffed. “What's there to be proud of exactly?”

Bill slipped his hand into Yu's, squeezing it softly. “More than you realize. You're gonna be graduating soon. You have a good job and you're looking for you own place.” he paused, pulling Yu's hand and leaving it to rest on his stomach. “You're on your way to becoming a dad, and you're willing to commit to it.”

“Mom always wanted to be a grandma. I remember when I was four...not long before she died...she tried to set me up with a little blonde girl that lived down the street. I ended up putting gum in her hair, and her mom had to shave it all off.”

Bill smiled, urging Yu to continue. “What about Veronica? What was she like?”

“...I didn't know her that well to be honest. I was six when she died. She was always really quiet though. She liked to go to the library a lot. She used to read me to sleep when I was little...”

~

“It's a little smudged...but its not that bad.” Bill smiled, dabbing away the last of Yu's tears. His eyeliner was messed up, but neither really cared.

Yu smiled softly and hugged Bill. He let out a sigh, partly of pain, but mostly of relief. He hadn't vented about his family's deaths in a long time. It felt good to let out some emotion. Bill hugged him back, resting his head on Yu's chest.

“If you ever need to talk, just call, okay?”

Yu nodded, letting the pregnant boy out of his strong grip. “You busy tomorrow?”

“I have a doctor's appointment. Last one.” he smiled.

“...can I come?”

Bill's eyes widened. He honestly hadn't expected the boy to actually want to come. “Uhm...sure. If you really want to.”

“I do.”

Bill broke out into a grin. “It's tomorrow at ten. Pick me up at nine?”

Yu nodded and kissed Bill's cheek. “I'll see you then.”

~

“Mom. Mom, I fucked up.”

He let his tears fall, one after another draining bits of his energy.

“I ruined everything. I said one time wouldn't make a difference, and now everything's falling apart. He's all I had, and...he hates me.”

Yu reached out and touched the cold headstone. He traced his mother's name, tears staining his pale face. “What do I do, mom?”

His only wish was the he could get an answer.

“I want to tell him why...but he'd never look at me the same way again. I don't want him to get the abortion. I just want him to be safe. I mean...a baby. What if I wasn't able to protect it? What if something happened and it hated me for it? I just...I can't let it happen.” he sobbed.

Yu tugged at the sides of his jacket, wrapping it tighter around his body. “It's his safety over my happiness. And that's how it has to be. That's how it's always been.”

~