Land of a Million Stars

By the next day, I knew I couldn’t avoid checking my family. Or on Wade.

So I left Quinn, who had fallen asleep on the grass at the lake, and headed for home. The sun began to ascend into the sky and I picked Wade to check on first.

He was in his room. Wade’s room was painted dark blue and matched his dark blue plaid sheets. He was sitting at his desk, typing away furiously on his laptop. He long fingers punched the keys with anger. Wade wanted to be a journalist and in his free time, all he did was clack away at his laptop.

I perched on the other end of the desk and watched him. He worked for a few minutes before swearing under his breath and slamming his laptop down. It rattled the few pictures on his desk. They were mostly of us but a few were of his pals and there was one of his mom and dad and him.

“You picked the wrong time to die, El,” he whispered. “You were my muse and now everything I write is complete shit.” He rubbed his face with his hand. “I have a deadline and I have no ideas.”

I highly doubted everything he wrote was shit mostly because Wade was the best writer I’d ever encountered. He could write books. But he didn’t write fiction. He was strictly all non-fiction.

“The world wants to know what’s going on, El. They don’t need another book full of wonderland fantasy.”

Wade sighed and got up, flinging himself on his bed. He stared up at his ceiling, all decked out in glow-in-the-dark star stickers.

“I bought you something,” I said, grinning widely. Wade gave me a sleepy look and turned away from his door, landing face first onto his bed. “Oh come on. It’s nearly nine. Get up, already!”

“Nine? No. Sleep time,” he protested, his voice muffled. I tried not to look at Wade’s naked chest or his toned legs or his –

“Come on. I got you a present,” I said, blushing madly. “It’s your birthday, Wade.”

“Yay, I’m older. Now let me sleep,” Wade said.

I rolled my eyes and sat down on his messy bed. The spot I was on was still warm from his body. I leaned over and pressed my lips on his cheek. And then his ear. Wade rolled over to look at me. I kissed his nose and his other cheek.

“You’re killin’ me woman,” he mumbled, his eyes half open. I kissed each of those beautiful brown eyes. And then, with slow precision, I put my lips on his. He woke up then, sitting up to cup my face to his. I melted into his kiss.

I pulled away. “You’re up,” I said, breathless. And I rolled out from under him, fixing my hair and evening my breathing.

“Nice wake up call,” Wade said. When I turned around to look at him, I saw he was grinning. I rolled my eyes again and went to sit by him. He slung his arm around my shoulders. “Now where’s my present?”

I grabbed the bag I’d dropped when I was waking Wade. It was shiny and blue. His favorite color. “Ta da!” I said, handing him the bag. He lifted an eyebrow and took out the paper.

“There’s nothing in here,” he said, looking back up at me.

“Nope,” I said, grinning. “It’s right here.” And I pulled a package from under my shirt. “This is only part one of your gift.”

“I get more?” he asked. I nodded. Wade took the package and looked at it. “Star stickers?”

“Glow-in-the-dark star stickers,” I corrected. “I remember you said something about your dad giving them to you, like his last gift or something…” My face fell when I saw his expression. It was angry and sad and scared all at once. I grabbed the gift and stood. “I’m sorry, Wade. I’ll go.”

But I didn’t make it out the door. Wade grabbed my wrist and pulled me back in, setting me down on his bed. He kneeled on the floor and he was so tall, we were eye-level. He took my face in his hands, brushing away a tear with his thumb.

“I’m sorry, Ella,” he said. “I love the gift. It’s thoughtful and now, instead of looking at my ceiling and thinking of him and the stickers I didn’t put up, I’ll look at it and see the stickers I did put up and think of you.” He kissed me. “I love you, El.”

It was the first time he’d said so in so many words and it lit something inside of me. I smiled at him. “I love you, too, Wade.” He kissed me again, smiling back.

“Now, let’s put those stickers up.”

After we’d put the stickers up, we’d laid together in his bed, snuggling. And it was then that I’d knew that I really did love him. I loved him so much that it hurt me and I wanted him to know. It was the first time we’d made love.

“Wade, I’m here,” I said. “Can’t you feel me? Wade, we were connected, in love. That has to count for something. I’m here.”

But he didn’t do anything that let me know he realized my presence. I sighed. I went to my backyard through the hole Zeke had made. Frankie was in the backyard, sitting on the porch with his head in his hands. I sat down next to him.

“Frankie, brother, can you feel me here?” I asked. Nothing. “Didn’t think so.”

We sat there for a while before Frankie’s phone exploded with some country song I didn’t recognize. He looked at the caller ID. Max Cotter. That was Frankie’s boyfriend. Frankie stared at the ID for a long time and the call went to voicemail. Frankie sighed and flipped open his phone. He called his inbox.

“Hey Frankie. It’s Max. I’m really worried about you, babe. You won’t return my calls, you won’t answer them. It’s not good to isolate yourself, Frankie. I know you’re hurting and I want to help you. Please, Frankie. Let me help you. Call me when you get this. I love you.”

A tear rolled down Frankie’s cheek and I realized something: Frankie wasn’t pretending it hadn’t happened. No, he had shoved it down so deep in his soul so that he’d always feel it. He didn’t come out to stop Zeke because it was afraid if he tried, Zeke would have killed Wade or worse: himself. And Frankie wouldn’t be able to survive that.

Frankie opened his cell phone and hit a speed dial and waited. The phone rang and I was so sure he was calling Max. Until he got voicemail.

“Hey!” There was laughing in the background. “No, sh, be quiet!” Someone stole the phone and voice said. “Ella can’t come to the phone right now. She’s madly in love with me and I’m madly in love with her and we’re going to go have hot sex right now!” There was some rustling noise. “Mom, if this is you, Wade was just kidding. I love you! Ha ha, leave a message!” Beep.

More tears fell down Frankie’s cheek and now I was crying, too. “Oh Frank,” I whispered. My chest ached and I needed someone to talk to. I headed to Quinn’s house and waited in his bedroom.

He wasn’t in there so I looked around. It was pretty much as I’d seen the last time only he now had sheets on his bed and a desk in his room. Boxes cluttered the open spaces and there were only a few walkways in his room. I sat on his bed. The room smelled like the fresh pages of books mixed with the scent of deodorant.

I lay down, inhaling the scent. His bed was comfy and I felt myself sliding off into the land of sleep. I didn’t sleep but sometimes, if I felt tired enough, I could slip away for a moment.

That’s what I did.