Danger Line

I didn’t get any sleep. I would drift off, but then I would have a small flashback and I would snap open my eyes. I didn’t want to bother anyone. So, when the alarm went off at seven in the morning, I was wide awake. I didn’t even get an hour of sleep. I still got out of bed.

I showered. Hopefully it would make some of the sleepiness go away. It kind of did. I pulled on a pair of Matt’s basketball shorts and a shirt. I brushed my hair. I was in the middle of brushing my hair when someone knocked on my door.

“It’s Matt,” he said.

“Come in,” I called out and he opened the door and stepped inside. “Good morning.”

“Morning,” he replied. “I guess we’ll be doing some shopping for new clothes.”

“I’ll gain some of the weight back,” I half smiled. “But, I will need clothes of my own.”

“I like you in my clothes,” he murmured. I wasn’t supposed to hear it, so I pretended that I didn’t. “Damien is ready to go.”

“All right, let’s go then,” I followed Matt out of the bedroom and Damien was in the foyer with his backpack ready. His backpack was of a red power ranger.

I strapped Damien in his car seat and sat up front with Matt. Damien filled in most of the silence, and I was very thankful for that. I noticed Matt’s nerves as we got closer to the school. I began to wonder why. Why would he be nervous? I put it to the back of my mind and listened to Damien.

I saw the line of cars and saw the parents and kids. Matt found a parking spot, and I got out and took Damien out too. I crouched down to his level and gave him several kisses. I thought he would be bothered by it, but he returned the kisses too.

“I love you, momma,” he said as he pecked my cheeks.

“Forever and ever?”

“Yeah!” he exclaimed and I chuckled a bit.

“Hello,” a soft feminine voice came. I stood up and looked and saw a pretty woman. She was around my age, maybe a year or two younger. She had brown hair, like me, and brown eyes like me, but mine were a lighter shade than hers. She had fair skin color. “Y-you must be Mrs. Sanders.” Her eyes flickered to Matt.

I looked over to Matt and noticed the tension on his face. I looked back to the woman. Her pupils were dilated and she was playing with her hands nervously. Something happened between them.

“I’m Penny, Damien’s teacher,” Penny said and had her hand extended to me.

I took it and shook it. “Karina, Kari for short.”

She smiled. “I know. I’m a fan of your husband’s band.”

“Well, I’m not sure if we’re still married,” I told Penny. “Legally I was dead, so maybe our marriage certificate doesn’t mean anything since ‘til death do us apart sort of already happened.”

Matt was surprised by my bluntness, but it was true. I had a death certificate which meant Matt could possible be a free man. I looked back to Penny. She looked uncomfortable.

The bell rang, just on time.

“It was lovely to meet you, Mrs. Sanders,” Penny bowed her head a little.

“You may call me Kari, Penny,” I said back politely and shook her hand again. Penny gave Matt one last look and turned away and after I gave Damien a big hug, he followed her inside.

Matt and I got back inside of the car.

“What was that about?” he asked as soon as I closed my door.

“What?” I asked innocently.

“We’re not married?” he scoffed.

I looked ahead. “I’m not sure.”

“That was uncalled for, Kari.”

I know.

“You two have a connection,” I said bluntly again as Matt turned on the car. “I’m not mad, Matt. You thought I was dead. It’s logical, plus you’re a man with needs.”

“I didn’t sleep with her,” he growled. “I remained single for a very long time. I barely… kissed her. I got a call from your father when I kissed Penelope.”

I blinked in surprise. “You haven’t dated anyone? You haven’t slept with anyone?”

“No.” It wasn’t a lie. I could always tell when he lied. He had the nervous habit to lick his lips before he lied, but he didn’t lick his lips, so it wasn’t a lie.

I frowned. “Why not?”

“Maybe because I was mourning my dead wife,” he answered. He turned to me and he was about to say something, but the person behind us honked at us. Matt sighed angrily and rolled down the window and flipped off the person behind us.

I chuckled and Matt moved the car.

“Let’s go to the mall and get you some clothes,” Matt said and got on the freeway.

I began to wonder what he was going to tell me before the car interrupted us. I was astound that Matt didn’t date in two years. What did he do for the past two years?

“If you weren’t dating, what were you doing?” I asked.

“Music,” he replied. “I drowned myself in music. At first, I couldn’t listen to it. For two months I just couldn’t listen to… Iron Maiden or Slayer, or even Pantera, but the guys and I started to work on music and then we started touring. Two years flied by.”

Not to me. To me, they were an eternity in hell.

“What happened to you?” he finally asked the big question. “What happened to… the baby?”

I looked away from Matt. I had to tell him. Of course he had a right to know. I cleared away the lump in my throat and said, “I lost it because of the explosion.” My throat dried up and Matt said nothing. I liked that. There really wasn’t any word or words that could sooth the pain.

He didn’t ask anything else. We arrived at the mall and we walked inside. Since it was still early, some of the stores were closed, so Matt and I sat on a bench.

“What are you guys working on now?” I asked Matt.

“Our self-produced album,” he fiddled with his fingers. “Jimmy and I have been writing songs like crazy, and so have the other guys. Brian wrote a song he might called ‘Dear God’.”

I grinned. “Brian is a good song writer sometimes.”

Matt laughed. “Sometimes, yeah. We have a couple of other songs, but we’re thinking of putting them in another album.”

“When does it come out?” I asked.

“In six months,” he answered.

“How far along are you guys?”

“We have the songs we want on the album written down. This week Jimmy will be doing the drumming and then we’ll be doing some vocals.”

“I’d like to go.”

He grinned widely at me. “Really?”

“I really miss music, and the process of it. I want to be there.”

“I’d love to have you there.”

We began to talk about other things and soon time flied by. I liked it. I liked how I could talk to Matt about music and have time slip us by. Music to us was something we always had in common and something we could go on, and on about.

When the stores opened, we went to get me some clothes. I got a couple of pair of sweats and shirts. I got some jeans that would fit me, and some new underwear.

We went back home. Matt helped me get my things in the guest room and then left me to unpack them and change into something else. He said he would be in the kitchen fixing us some brunch since I skipped breakfast.

I changed into a pair of jeans and a new shirt. I went to the kitchen and found Matt making sandwiches for us.

“I’m sorry,” I said and caught his attention. “I’m sorry for what I told Penny. You’re right, it was uncalled for. I was just… I don’t know… a little surprised you haven’t moved on. I was afraid I was going to come back and Damien would have a step-mom.”

Matt wiped his hands on his jeans and approached me and stood right in front of me. I took a second to inhale his familiar scent. How I missed it. How I missed waking up to that scent. He cupped my face in his large hands and tilted it up.

“You’ve never quite understood just how much I love you, have you?” he whispered. It wasn’t really a question. “I’ll never want another woman like I want you. Your mere presence sparks something in me.”

“Even now?” I asked with a hoarse tone and my eyes watery. “Even though we’ve barely touched each other since I’ve come back.”

His hands on my face this close had been the most physical contact we had since I got back.

“I love you more than in a physical way, Kari.”

“You can’t wait forever.”

“For you I can.”

Damn him. Damn him to hell. Why did he have to be so wonderful? Why couldn’t I just make love to him and show him I felt the same way?

The house phone broke our little moment. He took back his hands and it took us a second to realize the phone was still ringing. Matt answered the phone, exchanged a few words and then told me it was my psychiatrist. The one I would be seeing.

“This is Kari,” I said when I took the phone from Matt.

“This is Mr. Thomas, Kari, your new psychiatrist.”

“Hello, how are you?”

“I’m fine, thank you. I just called to tell you we have a two hour session tomorrow, and I’d like you to bring your husband.”

I turned away from Matt and walked into the living room.

“I thought these were one-on-one sessions, not couple’s therapy.”

“It’s not couple’s therapy, it’s just to inform your husband and what is going on. I need to ask him a couple of questions.”

I stifled a yawn. “All right, I’ll let him know.”

“He already knows,” Mr. Thomas said. “Kari, are you getting any sleep?”

“I’m just getting used to the change of time.”

“I recommend sleep, Kari. You do know what happens to you when you don’t sleep.”

Yeah, I sleep walk and then some.

“I know. I’ll try to get some sleep. See you tomorrow.”

“Ten o’clock sharp, Kari.”

“Yes, sir.” I hit the End button and put the phone back into the cradle in the kitchen. Matt was sitting down on the table with a sandwich and a glass of orange juice untouched right across from him. He was eating his own sandwich. I took the seat across from him.

“You seemed surprised about me going with you tomorrow,” he spoke.

“Yes, I was.”

“Why can’t you tell me?”

I looked up to meet his gaze.

“I’m more than your husband. I’m your best friend, Kari,” he said.

“Because it’s a lot of pain, pain I don’t want to relive.”