Drop Dead.

Thin fingers wrap around my neck, gripping so tightly at the delicate flesh that it begins to tear. Warmth rolls down the side of my throat, staining my shirt and although my mouth opens to scream no sound comes forth. There’s a body above me, pressing against mine. I can feel his warmth, his hatred seeping through my clothes.

It’s burning me.

I gasp for air, claw at his soft skin, desperately beg for him to let go but he doesn’t. My eyes are rolling into the back of my skull and I reach my fingers up to ghost across the boy’s face, tugging gently at his hair.

“P-Prince,” I gasp. “L-Let go…” He doesn’t. “P-Please, I’m s-s-sorry.”

“You left me behind, Jinx! How could you leave me behind when I did so much for you? You worthless sack of shit!” Prince’s voice sounds so far away even though he’s so close I can feel his breath fanning across my face. My eyes begin to moisten as the tears start to fall.

“I…I’m s-sorry, I t-tried.”

Prince’s grip only tightened. The air left my lungs and I knew I was going to die so I accepted my fate. I deserved it after all. I left the one person who cared about me most die. It was all my fault. It’s always been my fault.

“Jinx!”

I shot up from my bed while taking in the deepest breath I’ve possibly ever taken. My lungs felt heavy but empty all at once. Every limb I owned shook with fear and confusion. I didn’t even bother looking at who threw their arms around me and pulled me flush against them. The moment I felt a pair of lips touch my scalp I knew who it was.

“Jinx, are you ok? Shit, you were gasping for air in your sleep,” Laker said, his shoulders sagging and body leaning against mine. For once I didn’t push him away but clutched onto his arms like they were the very thing keeping me alive at this very moment. I knew Laker noticed the strange behavior but he said nothing.

Something warm and wet rolled down my cheek and I realized that I was crying. Slowly, I lifted a finger to press against the tear but it wasn’t the only one I found. I must have been crying in my sleep, like I was in that dream…that nightmare.

Laker sat silently with me in his grasp, my family saw us and I know they wanted to ask what was wrong but didn’t. It’s not like I would have answered them anyways. I don’t know if I could answer them.

I clench my eyes shut and without meaning to I find myself digging my dull nails into Laker’s arm. He doesn’t complain and simply rests his head in the crook of my neck. He skims his lips across my skin and it slowly calms my nerves until I finally stop shaking.

“Jinx…are you ok?”

“Yeah…fine,” I answer, my voice shaking without my permission. I curse it for disobeying me.

“Was it a nightmare?” Laker asks, running his fingers through my own before gripping. It is definitely reassuring and I find myself leaning back into his chest. He better enjoy this moment of vulnerability. It won’t be happening often.

My body cringes at the memory. Somehow I can still feel Prince’s finger tips around my neck. His voice continues to ring in my ears like a bad song. Pressing my fingers to my neck, I rub the tender flesh and expect it to sting from the bruises Prince left but it didn’t. My neck is fine. I’m fine.

I nod and finally remove myself from Laker’s arms. He doesn’t protest as I walk across the room searching for something suitable to wear. Once I throw on a pair of jeans and a shirt, I look over my shoulder to Laker. He’s staring curiously at me, waiting for me to explain.

“Mimi!” I call, leaving my room and heading for the kitchen. When Mimi sees me she frowns. I must look a mess but I ignore her look of concern. “Laker and I are going out for a bit…do you mind?”

“Of course not…but…but are you all right?” She moves around the kitchen table and places a hand on my shoulder. I nod in response. “Ok…well, be careful honey.”

I give her a hug for reassurance before turning to face Laker. He’s still staring at me strangely as we walk out of the house and across the street to his house. When I tell him to ask his dad if he can borrow his car he doesn’t ask questions, just obeys. He’s whipped, haha.

The two of us get into Carter’s car and the only time I speak is to give Laker directions. I feel his eyes glancing at me every now and then but I don’t bother telling him where we’re heading. Laker finally speaks when we arrive at our destination. “A cemetery? Jinx, why are we here?”

“It’s been almost four months…I just wanted to come see him,” I reply and for a moment I forget that Laker has no idea who “he” is. I step out of the car and walk through the grave stones, somehow remembering each step like I took them just yesterday.

I sit in front of his grave and run my fingers through the grass. I hear Laker’s breathing behind me but don’t bother talking. I don’t really want to. I don’t even know why I brought Laker here in the first place. A part of me wants to tell him everything, just spill out my guts to him but another tells me not to. I guess everyone is like that about their secrets though…

“Is he a…uh…past boyfriend or something?” Laker grumbles, leaning over me to glare angrily at the headstone. “Because if he is…this is kind of awkward.”

I chuckle. “He was a boy and he was a friend.”

“But was he a boyfriend?” Laker asks once more, poking my shoulder repeatedly until I sigh.

“No…he wasn’t. He was…the only person who understood me.” I traced my fingers over his name. I wonder if he really is angry at me for leaving him behind. I don’t know what I’d do if he really did hate me. “He was my best friend.”