The Way It Played Out

“I’m coming, I’m coming.” I grumbled at the door, which Bill was too lazy to answer.
I swung the door open, revealing Mike and Sisky, the two of them blinking, obviously not expecting me there.
“YES! BALANCE HAS BEEN RESTORED TO THE FORCE!” Screeched Sisky, who tackled me in a massive hug. “The clone has been replaced by the original! We have our Amay-yaya back!”
“We heard from Joe that you were here.” Mike explained, for once able to find Sisky’s antics unamusing. “We wanted to make sure you’re ok.”
“Aww, that’s sweet.” I said, grinning up at the ground where I was still hugging Sisky. “And we’re back to normal again.”
“Good to hear.” Mike grinned, ruffling my hair as he walked past me into the house. “I just need to talk to Bill in private for a second.”
“Mkay.” I agreed, then Sisky and I leapt onto the couch to play videogames.
*
“Bill, you made her move back in with you?” Mike asked skeptically.
“Well, yeah. I missed her.” Bill replied, looking at his friend oddly. He was acting strangely serious.
“I don’t want you screwing around with her anymore.” Mike said. “I think of that girl as my sister, and it tore her apart when she realized you’d just been using her. She thought she was your best friend.”
Bill froze, wondering how much Mike knew.
“Yeah, I figured it out all by myself. How long were you two fucking behind our backs? How could you take advantage of her like that?” Mike asked coldly. “Not only that, but just drop her when someone hotter came along? Do you realize how wrong that is?”
Bill gaped at him for a second, then hung his head. “Yeah, I get it. I really screwed up with her. I didn’t mean to hurt her, and I knew we were using each other, but… I really am her best friend. And she’s mine.”
Bill gave Mike a pleading look, trying to get him to understand. “I really have missed her.”
Mike’s gaze didn’t soften as he regarded his friend. “Are you fucking her again?”
“No. We’re just best friends, for real, this time around.” Bill sighed, running his hand through his hair. “I’m ok with that, I just wanted her back, y’know? I really have missed her.”
Mike nodded curtly. “I believe you, Bill. But if you ever hurt her again, I will break your skinny little neck.”
“I think you’d have to get on line- Pete’s taking names.” Bill laughed humorlessly.
Mike’s face finally softened. “Look man, just don’t wreck her any more than she is. I don’t know if she could survive another suicide attempt.”
Bill flinched, knowing it was a well-deserved low blow. “I won’t. I don’t think I could handle loosing her for good.” He confessed softly.
Mike nodded slowly, then left the room to play videogames as Bill composed himself.
*
“Brendon’s having a party!” I yelled happily, reading out the text.
Bill didn’t look away from Guitar Hero. “That’s nice. Damn.” He missed a note, making me laugh. He took that game too seriously.
“I don’t know about you, but I’m going.” I grinned at him. “He invited us, Fall Out Boy, Cobra Starship, Paramore, oooh! My Chemical Romance!” I squealed. “Yay for Gerard Way!” I grinned, and glanced up in time to see Bill miss a string of notes as he gaped at me.
“Did you just fangirl?” He snickered.
“Gerard Way is a fantastic lyricist and musician, as well as ridiculously hot and entirely worthy of a fangirl moment.” I retorted snobbily.
Bill just laughed at me.
We were on our way to the party, Bill in his usual v neck t shirt and skinny jeans, his bandana firmly tied around his left knee, and me in skinnies and a tight t shirt. I was finally ok with wearing normal t shirts again, not caring what anyone thought of me. I’d always had self-image problems, and the scars had wrecked what little esteem I had, but tonight, I somehow felt beautiful.
Like I was ok on my skin.
“Hey guys!” Brendon yelled, glomming onto me as soon as we walked in. “Lookin’ good, Maya.” He winked at me, proud I was back to being myself.
“You don’t look too bad, yourself.” I grinned back, and it was true. He looked good in his skinny jeans and Zombies t shirt. “Didn’t know you liked the Zombies, too.”
Brendon’s face lit up. “Dude, I’m going to steal you so we can just discuss obscure ‘60’s pop bands later.”
“Sounds like a plan.” I high fived him, then wandered off to mingle, Bill by my side.
“I’ve been too uptight lately.” I sighed, staring into my red plastic cup.
“Same.” Bill agreed, nodding, and Sisky did the same.
“Let’s get hammered.” Sisky suggested.
“We’re just walking home, anyway.” He grinned.
“Now that sounds like fun.” I grinned.
“Only ‘cause you don’t get hungover.” Bill grumbled at me.
“It’s your own fault you’re so sensitive.” I laughed at him, then knocked my cup against Sisky’s. “To getting smashed.”
Bill tapped his cup to ours, then the three of us knocked back the beers, grinning wickedly.

The next morning, I woke up and knew what happened without opening my eyes.
I was laying next to a familiar body, our arms wrapped around each other, our legs intertwined.
Why?
I winced, knowing Bill was still asleep, and decided to catch some more Z’s myself. I was slightly hungover, which meant we’d really gotten wasted last night.
“My, Amaya.” Bill whispered.
“Shut up, I’m hungover.” I growled.
“So ’m I.” Bill grumbled. “But, My, wake up.”
“I already realized what waking up next to means.” I informed him. “I don’t remember much of the party, though.”
“You, Sisky, and I decided to get hammered out of our minds.” Bill reminded me.
“Yeah, then we were all dancing.” I nodded, still not opening my eyes. I knew sunlight sucked with a hangover.
“Then you and I were dirty dancing together.” Bill continued.
I thought about that, nodding. I sort of remembered that.
“Why didn’t Mike or Pete or someone break that up?” I wondered aloud. “They just let us go home together, drunk out of our minds and all over each other.”
“Maybe they were just as trashed?” Bill suggested quietly, after a moment of silence.
His voice was weak, but we were trying to have a serious, prolonged conversation while completely hungover.
“Nah, Pete was designated driver for Joe and Sisky, since Andy didn’t go.” I sighed. “Oh well. At least this isn’t anything new for us.”
“Are you suggesting we return to our immoral ways?” Bill asked, half surprised, half hopeful.
“No. I don’t want that. I’m just going to hope I find someone who really loves me.” I sighed again, finally opening my eyes. “Goddamn motherfucking sunlight.” I growled.
“And here I was, about to tell you how poetic you are.” Bill remarked mildly.
“Shove it.” I growled, finally unwrapping my arms from around him. “Now let go, or I’m not making my special hangover coffee.”
*
It was two months later that I realized I’d been missing my period.
Shit. Please, no. Please, please, please, no. I begged, staring at the test strip. I hadn’t blinked for the last five minutes, anxiously waiting the answer, hoping it would be different than the first three.
Of course it is.
How would Bill react when I told him about this? How would I tell him at all? Would he hate me? Blame me? Abandon me again?
All I knew was that I couldn’t tell Bill that I was having his kid.
Here we are, back to this…
I got rid of the tests, completely destroying all the evidence, then hid in the bathroom.
Pete had long since given me back all my art supplies, but I didn’t think my ExactoKnife was the tool for the job, this time.
This time, I took my box cutter into the bathroom with me.
This time, I wasn’t calm as I held the steel against my wrist. I wasn't sad. I wasn’t alone and unloved.
I was terrified, and would probably wind up alone.
I couldn’t go there again.
I was scared.
I bit my lip, inhaling shakily as I tilted the blade slightly, angling it to get the best cut.
Then Bill walked in through the partially closed door.

||Light that smoke, yeah, one for giving up on me and one just cause they’ll kill you sooner than my expectations||