We've Lost Control

“Hey, where’s Kitty?” Nick asked me a bit later in the day. It was after the gates had closed and the fans had left for home. I was sitting in a lawn chair outside of the trailer, waiting for the time to get on the bus and drive to San Antonio.

“I think she went home. That was the last I heard.” I shrugged, not really paying too much attention. Kitty and I had watched as many bands as we could together that day including A Rocket to the Moon, Breathe Carolina, The Maine, LIGHTS, Underoath and a few random ones she wanted to see. It was nice to see bands with her again since we hadn’t gone to a show together in a very long time.

Nick sat down next to me on the blacktop and folded his knees up with his ankles crossed. It hadn’t really been just the two of us alone in a while and it was nice to just sit there in his company. I wished I could do it more often on the tour, but it was tour and that just doesn’t happen too often.

“How was you day?” I asked as I looked down at him. I finally had the height advantage and quite frankly, I liked it.

He nodded, “It was pretty good. Pretty hot out here, but good nonetheless.” He said and I nodded. “What about you,” He questioned as he looked up at me. He reached through the gap between the armrest and seat and gently took hold of my fingers. I smiled to myself at his gentle touch. “how was your day?” He wondered.

“I loved it.” I smiled brightly at him.

“Good,” He pulled my hand through the opening and kissed the top of it, “I’m glad.” I really loved moments like these.

He placed my hand back in my lap then leaned his head on the flimsy armrest. “I’m tired.” He said.

I began to run my free hand through his dirty orange hair, pushing it back, “Then get on the bus and go to sleep.” I said softly and he shook his head.

“I’m enjoying this moment. I love it, so much.” I smiled softly as his eyes closed and he let me continue to run my fingers through his hair. “I love you so much, Sawyer.” I would never get tired of hearing him say that. It was so surreal that someone actually loved me like that.

I leaned down and kissed the top of his head, “I love you, too, Nick.” I said into his hair. I shifted in my seat so I could keep running my left hand through his hair comfortably while his fingers were loosely laced with the ones on my right.

It was pretty quiet in the bus area, which was sort of strange. There was a buzzing coming from the parking lot’s light near us, but that’s all I could really hear. The air was still hot and had only dropped down to about 86 degrees, but there was a light breeze, making sitting outside somewhat bearable.

“Hey Sawyer.” I looked over and saw Kyle approaching.

Nick lifted his head to see who it was then sighed in annoyance and put it back where it was.

“Hi Kyle.” I smiled softly. I turned to face him, not wanting to be rude, but that meant I had to pull my hand away from Nick’s hair.

“Hey Nick.” He greeted when he saw him sitting on the ground next to me. He raised his right hand, waved shortly then dropped it back into his lap, not even bothering to lift his head.

“He’s tired.” I said as an excuse for his rudeness. I shouldn’t have had to make excuses for him, he should have sucked up whatever annoyance he had with him and faced him like a man.

“Oh, I know how you feel, Bro.” Kyle said and Nick scoffed quietly.

Quickly, I dug my fingernail into the skin of one of his fingers to which he quickly pulled his hand out of my grasp. His head raised and he looked at me, clearly angry. I gave him a warning look. He sighed and leaned back against the trailer while I rolled my eyes.

“Anyways,” Kyle said, sensing the awkward atmosphere. “I was just wondering why you weren’t with Kitty, since I know you guys are pretty inseparable when you’re together.”

I looked at him in confusion, “She went home.”

Now he looked at me in confusion, “Uh, no, she’s over at our bus hanging out with Eric.” He pointed over his shoulder at a red and white bus and I smirked.

“Do you think they’re going to hook up?” I asked Kyle and he shrugged.

“I don’t know. Last I heard, he was trying to get her to smoke a blunt with him.”

I chuckled, “Typical Eric.”

“What about Colin?” Nick spoke up and I averted my attention to him.

“What about him?” I asked and he looked at me as if I were stupid, which really upset me.

“I thought they were dating?” He asked a bit louder, getting more upset.

I shook my head, ignoring the tone of his voice, “No, they’re just friends and “talking.”” I raised my hands and used air quotes.

“Well, he told me the other day that he really liked her.”

“Well, they’re not together. Plus, nothing will happen with Eric; he’s a hit it and quit it kind of guy.” I said then look at Kyle for conformation.

He laughed and nodded, “Definitely. I haven’t seen him in an actual relationship since I’ve known him.”

Nick rolled his eyes then leaned back against the trailer again. I shook my head at Kyle, “So how are things with you and your girlfriend?” I asked, changing the subject.

Immediately, a huge smile formed across his lips, “Amazing.” He gushed. “I’m so happy to have found her.”

I smiled at his giddiness. When I wasn’t upset with Nick, I pictured myself reacting the same way. “I’m glad you’re happy, Kyle.” I said sincerely.

“Thank you. That really means a lot to me. I’m glad you’re happy, too. It was about the time you found someone.”

I smiled at looked over at Nick, his eyes were closed and he wasn’t reacting to anything Kyle had said. For a second, I thought he was asleep, but then I realized his foot was moving. I looked back at Kyle and rolled my eyes, “Thanks Kyle.” I said with a sad smile. He just looked at me sympathetically.

I wouldn’t give in to Nick. He was being stupid again.

“Anyways, I just wanted to see how you were doing.” He said with a sigh.

“Well, I’m doing good.” I said despite how annoyed at Nick I was.

He smiled, “Have a good night, Sawyer.”

“You too.”

“See ya, Nick.” He added.

Nick did his short wave again and I shook my head angrily. Kyle gave me on last look before walking over to his bus. Once out of earshot, I turned to Nick.

“Really?” Was all I said. At the tone of my voice, Nick’s eyes opened and he looked at me with wide eyes as if what he had just done was perfectly fine. “You’re such an ass.” I said then sat normally and crossed my arms over my chest.

“What!?” He cried.

I sighed angrily, “Nothing. Just forget it.”

“Whatever, Sawyer. I didn’t even do anything.”

That really set me off, “Oh really?” I asked angrily and he nodded, “You were incredibly rude to one of my dear friends. To someone who is one of the sweetest, nicest people I have ever known.” I was severely pissed off and he knew. “I really don’t get why you had to go and be completely rude to him. Really Nick, are you that insecure about our relationship,” I yelled, “that you have to be a jerk to me and someone that if you got to know, you’d probably see what a nice person they are?! Was he being rude to you? No. Because he was trying to get on your good side because he cares enough about me to play nice with my husband who, really, he shouldn’t even have to because you’ve been nothing but rude to him and everyone in his band!” I ranted.

My heart was pounding and a migraine was forming behind my eyes. To top it all off, my stomach was upset. I felt completely ill. Nick just sat there, though, and stared at me. I think he was beginning to realize that I didn’t hold back what I was feeling. Anytime I had been upset with him, I told him.

“Sawyerrr!” I heard the voice of my oldest best friend slur.

I turned my head and saw Kitty walking over with a hazy smile on her face. Her shirt was messed up and her long, auburn hair was messy and tangled. Not to mention the mess of hickies on her chest and neck. As she got closer, I saw her eyes were clouded over.

“See!” Nick exclaimed once he stood up from the dirty ground. “This! This is exactly why I don’t like them. They do stupid shit like get girls drunk and high and have sex with them as if it was nothing.’ He exclaimed then stormed off around the bus. I heard the door open then slam shut. I was in too much shock to really do anything.

Kitty giggled, “Dude have you had sex? Isn’t it amazing?”

Sighing, I leaned forward and put my head between my knees, not just for how stressed I was, but because I felt sick to my stomach. This kid was giving me an ulcer.