Let Me In

The drive back to Huntington was one enveloped in a cloud of uneasy silence. Brian had gone to speak a couple of times, but had bitten back his words, knowing it wasn’t the right time to start the conversation. Beth wore an expression of what almost appeared to be a mix of fear and dread. Brian hated seeing her that way, even though her lack of honesty was the catalyst to the situation they now found themselves in. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to be angry with her, he knew there had to be reasons for why she had stopped herself from telling him about Nate, and all Brian wanted was to give her the chance to explain, so that he could come to his own conclusions.

Turning into her street, figuring Beth would feel more at ease on her own territory, Brian brought the Fastback to a halt outside of the small apartment complex where she lived. Neither seemed eager to move as they both sat quietly, looking out onto the street.

“This may be easier if we went inside,” Brian suggested, his voice soft and even.

For the second time that evening, Beth’s reply was nothing more than a nod before she got out of the car. Brian mirrored her actions, locking the car and following her up the small path that led to her front door. Stepping into the apartment behind her, Brian closed the door quietly whilst Beth continued towards the kitchen. Brian took in the new surroundings as he walked after her. He instantly felt comfortable, despite the tension in the air. In the short time she had lived there, Beth had made it a home, and Brian knew that he could easily spend time here with her.

Stopping in the archway that provided an entrance to the kitchen, Brian leant against the wall, watching on as Beth busied herself with making coffee.

“How long have you known?” she asked, concentrating on the coffee pot so as not to look at Brian.

“Couple of weeks. I always knew there were things you were holding back from me, and I just figured that you needed to be more comfortable with me to tell me. I just never expected it to be anything like this.”

There was no harsh edge to his words, just a hint of sadness, and disappointment that almost suggested he felt she hadn’t trusted him enough to be more upfront about Nate.

“Did you think I was going to run off in the other direction because you have a kid?” Brian questioned. “Because if so, then you don’t know me at all.”

Finally facing him, Beth mentally cursed herself for the confusion and hurt in Brian’s eyes. She should never have let it get to this point. She knew then that she should have trusted her initial instinct, that Brian was nothing like Colby. However, the actions of her husband had always instilled the doubt in her mind that if his own father rejected him, then why would any other man want to welcome Nate into his life.

“My judgement’s been a little clouded over the last seven years,” Beth admitted.

“You know what, I need a beer,” she added, switching off the coffee machine before taking two bottles out of the refrigerator and handing one to Brian.

“C’mon,” she told him with the hint of a smile, walking past him as she made her way to the lounge.

Brian followed her, watching as she placed her bottle down on the coffee table before continuing over to a low cabinet that appeared to be home to an array of framed photos. Beth took one from the top, then knelt down to open the cabinet doors, taking out what Brian realized was a photo album. Beth settled herself on the couch, patting the space next to her. Once Brian was comfortable, she handed him the framed photograph.

“That’s my son, Nathan Michael Hudson,” she stated proudly. “Or Nate as we call him.”

Brian studied the photograph of the young dark haired brown eyed boy. There was no denying he was Beth’s, even down to the small splash of freckles across his nose.

“He’s a good looking kid, how old is he?” Brian asked, still looking at the picture.

“Seven, he’ll be eight in August,” Beth answered.

Placing the frame on the table, Brian looked at the album that Beth held.

“May I?”

“Sure.”

Brian took the album that he noted was labelled “2002-2005” and carefully began going through it page by page. He took his time, studying each picture as if he were drinking in every little detail about them. Beth looked on, taking some small hope from the way the photographs seemed to hold his interest, causing him to smile as he saw small parts of Beth’s past and milestones in Nate’s life unfold before his eyes.

Once he was a few pages into the album, Beth noted the way his expression seemed to change, as though he was noticing something. Brian glanced at her briefly, then went back to the photographs. Beth waited patiently for Brian to finish, knowing that he was going to ask questions. The frown he now wore telling her as much.

“Was Colby not around much after Nate was born or did he suddenly get camera shy?” Brian finally asked.

“Well, he was away with the air force at times of course, but he was around.”

Taking a deep breath, Beth knew it was time.

“When Nate was first born, Colby was so happy and proud. He had a son, his boy that he could play football with, take to baseball games, have man to man talks with when he began chasing after girls. He was practically giddy. But all of that quickly disappeared.”

Brian moved a little closer to Beth, looking at her intently, silently encouraging her to continue.

“Nate has autism, and the day we found out was the day that Colby basically rejected our son and the day my dreams of us being a family ended.”

Beth tried to gauge Brian’s reaction, but his face remained calm as she began to elaborate further on just what the last seven, almost eight years had entailed. She didn’t leave out any detail, going over how she had raised Nate alone, had done everything with him. How she strived every day to ensure that she raised him right, how she did all she could to give him as normal life as possible, and how Colby’s refusal to acknowledge that he even had a child whenever he was home had taken it’s toll on Nate and her equally, eventually resulting in her return to Huntington Beach.

She explained all the ways Nate could be, the necessity for routine, the lack of interaction, the tantrums, but with each week that passed, she never gave up on him and that she felt on top of the world each time he proved the books wrong.

“Now can you see why I was so reluctant to say anything? It’s not because I’m ashamed of him, it’s just that if Colby can’t accept him, then why would anyone else?”

Beth’s fingers played nervously with the material of her dress, her gaze concentrated on them as she waited for Brian to give her some kind of response. She felt a sense of relief as she felt long fingers lace through hers.

“Any man that rejects their own son like that isn’t a man in my fucking opinion,” Brian stated, his voice low, although there was no disguising the disgust in his tone.

“Is this why you decided you couldn’t be with me, that you were afraid of how I’d react, that I was no better than Colby?”

Shaking her head, Beth raised her head a little to look at him.

“No. The night Colby showed up, he started trying to act as though he knew what was best for Nate, using the fact that I was out for the night against me. He’s going for custody of him.”

Her voice hitched in her throat.

“I can’t lose my son, Brian.”

Enveloping her in his arms, Brian simply held Beth whilst she sobbed, placing gentle kisses in her hair. He knew he could only go by what he had seen and heard tonight, but for Brian that was enough. Beth didn’t deserve to be going through this.

“You’re not gonna lose him, Beth. Anyone that believes Colby is the better parent needs their fucking head read. But you also can’t give up the little piece of life you have away from being a fantastic mom.”

Tipping her chin so she looked at him, Brian prayed that she would listen to what he had to say.

“What I said last week, about being the one to help you through this, I still want that,” he murmured. “I know you have Jen and your parents, but I wanna be a part of your life Beth. I want to get to know Nate and discover for myself just what a great kid he is, for us to give this a chance. You’re in my head, and you’re not going away.”

Without a word, Beth reached up and kissed him. Brian pulled her into his lap, caressing her back.

“Is that a yes?” he asked after Beth pulled away a little.

“That’s a yes,” Beth whispered.

“No more secrets?”

“No more secrets,” she promised.

“Good, now kiss me again…I was kinda enjoying that,” Brian told her with a smirk.