Let Me In

Watching the early morning sun rise over Huntington Beach was a sight Beth hadn’t had the pleasure of seeing since she had been a teenager. She hadn’t slept, hadn’t even been able to contemplate going to bed after receiving the text from Brian the previous evening, and had spent the hours that had passed from dusk until dawn turning everything regarding the situation she found herself in over and over in her mind, whilst making a few decisions along the way.

Beth hadn’t been completely alone with her thoughts. Some time after ten pm, Jen had appeared at her front door, offering an ear to bend and shoulder to cry on should the need arise. Beth had welcomed the company of her best friend with open arms, and was thankful for allowing her to see everything so much more clearly than she had over the past week. At some point during the early hours, the two friends had graduated from the lounge out onto the small patio area, a luxury Beth had been graced with when she had taken on the ground floor apartment she and Nate called home, and that was where Beth was still sat whilst Jen busied herself inside with brewing yet another pot of coffee.

Leaning back in one of the chairs of the bistro set that graced the patio, Beth let out a sigh. It wasn’t one of despair or exasperation, but more a nervous breath of anticipation of what lay ahead of her that day. Normally she would be collecting Nate from her parents in a few hours, but today they had arranged to take him out for the day, giving Beth time to try and rectify the mess she had caused. It was the knowledge of that which brought forth a rush of anxiety, unsure of how what she had to say would be received, whether maybe in spite of his words, there was every chance that Brian may not grant her the opportunity to explain her behaviour.

“Quit worrying and remember what I told you last night.”

Jen’s voice invaded Beth’s train of thought. She offered her friend a hesitant smile, thanking her quietly as she relieved Jen of the mug of coffee she held out to her. Beth remained silent until Jen had settled herself back into the seat she had had been occupying for the last few hours, taking a small sip of the steaming hot java she desperately needed to keep herself going.

“Can’t help but be a little apprehensive,” Beth admitted softly. “Especially when some of what I have to say doesn’t exactly fit with how I’ve acted towards Brian.”

“Beth, Brian is not Colby, he’ll listen to what you have to say, he’ll understand,” Jen assured her. “If you tell him just what you told me last night, then I can’t foresee there being any issues.”

Giving no more than a simple nod in reply, Beth returned her gaze to the sun as it made it’s presence more known in the sky above them. The heat it was already emitting telling her it was going to be yet another beautiful day in Huntington Beach. The two friends sat in comfortable silence, drinking their coffee, each lost in their own thoughts.

“What time do you plan on going to see him?” Jen asked with a yawn.

“Not sure. I have no idea what he has planned for today now,” Beth replied.

“Well he left the bar just before I did last night. He mentioned something about going surfing this morning if that helps.”

Beth glanced at her watch, her lips curving into a warm smile. Quickly downing what remained of her coffee, she rose from her chair and made for the door that led back into the apartment.

“Beth!” Jen called, jumping up from where she sat to follow her inside. Her eyes widened as she watched Beth retrieve her car keys from her purse.

“You’re going now?” she questioned, unable to hide the surprise in her tone.

“Better now than keep sitting here dwelling on it,” Beth stated, slipping her feet into a pair of Converse that sat by the front door before opening it.

“Elizabeth…don’t you think getting dressed first might be an idea?” Jen threw at her, indicating at the pajama bottoms and hoodie Beth was still wearing.

“I’ll call you later…thanks Jen!” was all she received in reply as the door shut.

“And she says I’m the crazy one,” Jen muttered.

************

Letting out a frustrated groan, Brian picked up his board and began heading back to the beach. He had hoped that an early morning surfing session would help clear his mind. Usually the solace of a practically empty beach and the freedom of being out in the ocean was the tonic he needed. However, today the surf was small, which aggravated him slightly, and his mind was so pre-occupied that the trip was proving fruitless. Even as he walked slowly, the ocean lapping at his ankles, Brian struggled to prevent himself from focusing on what was happening with Beth.

He had meant it when he had told her to take all the time that she needed, yet there had still been that small part of him that had hoped and wanted her to contact him last night so that they could work through this blip in their relationship. When that call hadn’t come, Brian found himself wondering if maybe Zara had misread Beth, that there was every possibility that she really didn’t feel the same way he did. And if that truly was the case, it left Brian unsure of just what the future would hold for them both.

Finally reaching the beach, Brian unzipped his wetsuit and peeled it from his shoulders, allowing to hang around his waist as he continued on his way. The beach was still fairly deserted apart from a couple of early morning dog walkers, and a young woman who stood alone, looking out towards to the shoreline. Nearing her, Brian’s step faltered a little as he recognised just who was standing there. Not wanting to appear too eager, he managed to control the urge to drop his board and run over, although the slow pace he had been maintaining quickened slightly.

Standing in front of her, unsure of just what to say, Brian studied her appearance, not failing to notice the dark circles under her brown eyes and the apprehension that clouded her perfect features. He couldn’t help the smirk that twitched at his lips when he saw her attire.

“Did you leave in a hurry this morning?” he questioned, his tone a little playful.

Beth glanced down, a nervous laugh escaping her when it dawned on her just how ridiculous she must have looked at that moment.

“Kinda. Jen mentioned you may be here, and I was out the door without a second thought,” she informed him.

Brian nodded, placing his board down on the soft sand, before deciding to sit next to it. He sighed with relief as Beth took his lead and joined him, keeping a little distance between them as they sat side by side. Silence hung thick in the air, as though both of them were unsure just who should be the first to speak. Hearing Beth clear her throat, Brian turned slightly to look at her, hoping it would encourage her to continue.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured, her eyes finally meeting his, all the while mentally preparing herself to open up to him.

“The way I’ve behaved towards you this past week was wrong and completely selfish on my part. You’ve done nothing but be so wonderful and amazing when it comes to both Nate and myself, and you didn’t deserve for me to act the way I have.”

Beth waited for Brian to respond. When he remained silent, she took that as her cue to continue.

“When Zara told me what she did that day I was with her, it freaked me out, not gonna lie about that. It came totally out of the blue, and it got me to thinking about something you had gone to say to me that morning but hesitated on. I knew then that maybe she was right, and I honestly didn’t know what to with that knowledge, or how to even react to you when I saw you. I didn’t know whether I should talk to you about it, or just try to put it to one side. But for some reason I wasn’t able to do either, and I let it eat away at me, which led me to act like a total bitch all week.”

“Like I said last night, I’m not going to apologise for falling in love with you Beth,” Brian stated softly.

“I neither want nor expect you to,” Beth replied honestly. “You see, this big revelation also made me realise that what I feel for you goes way deeper than anything that I’ve ever felt before. I wasn’t sure what label to put on it, and I think I frightened myself with how I feel about you. Add that to what Zara said, and that equals one very scared, confused Beth. All I kept thinking was that it was too soon, I’m just getting out of a marriage, I shouldn’t be feeling anything for another man just yet.”

Brian felt the small glimmer of hope that had been rising within him diminish quickly. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath, preparing himself for the inevitable knock back he was positive was heading his way.

“However, I’m only fooling myself and harming the one good thing aside from my son to happen to me in a long time if I keep thinking that way. That marriage had been dead for way longer than I care to admit, and what I believed to be love that I felt for a man I now despise is nothing compared to what I feel for you.”

Beth paused to push the hair that a sudden breeze had blown across her face out of her line of vision.

“The bottom line Brian is that I’m in love with you too. And whilst it’s not really an excuse, realising that brought some old fears to the surface. I’ve been burned by my marriage to Colby, and I guess that maybe there was that part of me that was afraid that giving in to how I feel could backfire, and that’s not something I ever want to live through again.”

Reaching out, Beth took Brian’s hand in her own, moving closer to him.

“But if there’s one thing I do know, you’re not Colby. You’ve accepted my son and my situation with open arms, and shown us both what true happiness really is. And whilst I may not have the right to ask given how I’ve treated you this week, I really want to give us a chance.”

Beth’s voice trailed off, her hold on Brian’s hand loosening slightly as she anticipated a negative response.

“I wouldn’t be sitting here right now if I didn’t want the same,” Brian answered. “I just wish you could have opened up sooner Beth, instead of putting both me and yourself through this crap. You said it yourself, I’m not Colby. And I don’t believe you would have even entertained getting to know me, much less be in a relationship with me if for one moment you believed I was even remotely like that son of a bitch.”

Slipping an arm around Beth’s shoulders, Brian brought her closer to him, placing a soft kiss on the top of her head.

“These last few months, you’ve gone from someone who kept everything very close to her chest to someone who could talk to me about anything. Which is why all of this shook me a little. You went back to being the Beth I first knew, only more withdrawn. I know your life with Colby was never easy, that you just felt it better not to say anything when there was something on your mind, but what we have is so different to that Beth, and if this is going to work then you need to stop reverting back. And given that we’re sitting here right now, with everything out in the open, I’d say we’re back on track.”

Pulling back a little, Brian looked down at her, smirk firmly in place.

“So you love me huh?”

“Mmhmm,” Beth answered, smiling back at him.

“And I love you,” Brian whispered, leaning forward to kiss her.

Beth pulled away after a while, wrinkling her nose as she licked her lips.

“You taste all salty,” she explained.

“I don’t seem to remember you complaining about that before,” Brian quipped with a wink.

“Brian! You know what I mean…and you are pure filth!”

“Again, something you’ve never had an issue with, so what do you say we head back to mine and prove me right on that point?”

Laughing, Beth leant in for another kiss.

“Sounds like the perfect plan to me,” she whispered, silently thanking Jen for making her see that all it would take was honesty and openness to help make her life feel complete once more.