Disguises

The whole way to Greyson's house was silent. I don't want to say it is awkward or uncomfortable, so I play it off like it isn't. I know we're both stealing glances, and fuck why does it have to be like this? Is he really just going to flirt around with me? I know he isn't like that. He isn't a queer like me. He plays football, and he gets all the girls. I don't see how he would want to be with me. I can't see why he's flirting with me. I look like some flat-chested butch girl with this new haircut.

"You've been awfully quiet." Grey says, once we get to his house. I want to say something along the lines of 'You sure know how to shut someone up', but I don't want to bring the kiss back up. He was probably just confused, and he regrets it. Even though, I sure as hell don't.

I just nod and run my fingers through my hair.

"I really do like that haircut."

"Thank you."

"Don't you like it?" He asks. He's staring at me, I can feel it. I haven't been able to look him in the eyes, since we were leaving school. He probably things I'm avoiding him. I just don't want to get hurt. I don't want to let him know how much I really do care about him because I'm scared that this is just a game to him.

We move upstairs and into his bedroom, and I think about his question. He's asking about my opinion on it, not anyone else's. I want to tell him again about Macy's opinion, but that's not what he's asking. I bite my lip and say, "I guess."

I pick up the remote and sit on his bed. I ask, "What do you want to watch?"

"You can pick."

I start moving through the channels, changing them rapidly. I look over at him, and his lips are just so plump and so soft. I want so badly to lean in and kiss him. I want our lips to meet. I want to explore him. I close my eyes, only for a moment, as I think about what happened earlier. His lips barely touched mine, and it is almost like when I made that decision mistake a few weeks ago. I just want so badly to let our lips meet once again, but only because it feels right. I don't want to pressure him into anything. I just...

I open my eyes, and I change the channel.

"Leave it here," Grey says, as he sits upright, completely interested in the sport on television. "I just want to see the scores."

-

"How do you feel?"

"Fucking amazing," I laugh, "Let me have another hit, will you?"

Of course, Macy inhales and passes it to me. We paid her cousin for the pot this time, so I didn't have to wear a wig or something to his house. I guess it is better this way. We found a spot deep in the woods that no one would bother us while we got high.

I suddenly get this urge coursing through my body. I need to call Grey. I take a hit and pass the green, before I pull out my phone. I dial his number absentmindedly, hoping I got it right, and I listen to the ringing.

"Hello?" I hear his voice, and I find myself giggling at how I got his number correctly.

"Hey, Grey. I was just thinking about you."

He pauses, as if he's thinking about something, and then he speaks again, "Oh yeah? What about me?"

"Why did you kiss me, when we skipped school together?"

I didn't even hesitate asking him. If I wasn't feeling so fucking good, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have asked him. It would have just been our little secret, hidden away.