Rescue Me

I remember the first time Alec and I met. It was at a party that my friend Amanda did. There was a lot of people that I didn't knew but my friend Tristan presented me to his cousin, who was new around. We danced, talked and drank together that night. We exchanged numbers and the next day, he called to see if I wanted to hang out. From that day, we started to hang out more and more and then became friends. Maybe a month and a half later, we started to date which was on November 18th.

Now, I really wish we would of never dated. I even regret meeting him. Of course that's what I wanted at the time, but now, it's totally not what I want. Lately, I've been so broken and quiet ever since he started to abuse me which makes me feel dead. As if a part of me died. I'm not happy anymore. All I am right now is a “worthless piece of shit” according to him.

I know I should leave him. I've been told that by my friends, that I had, but I am never able to leave him. Ever since I tried that night, I don't dare try again. Why? Because I'm scared. Scared that he'll get angrier and do something worst than just abuse me. Sometimes he comes back home, looking so mad, that it makes me think it'll be my last night to live.

I've thought about saying him to leave because it's my apartment after all. But again, I'm scared. I barely do anything anymore because I'm afraid of him. Afraid of what he'll do. That's probably why I lost most of my friend's, too. I try to act normal when I go to work or outside, but it's hard. It's hard hiding all of the bruises on my body and cuts. I simply tell them that I'm a real klutz and fall everywhere, some little things like that.

He doesn't abuse me every night. Sometimes, he's really sweet and apologize for everything he does to me. He told me so many “reasons” why he does what he does. Once he told me it was because he loved me, another time he said he didn't think before acting. Maybe he has schizophrenia? It's incredible how his mood can change in a matter of minutes.

We can be arguing really loudly and next the minute, he'll be hugging me, saying he's sorry for yelling. And sometimes it's the opposite. We're cuddling against the couch and then the next minute, he starts to yell at me for stupid things. It's getting on my nerves a lot.

Despite the fact that he treats me like a piece of shit, I think that there's still a part of me that loves him. That part of me probably still loves him when he treats me nice, when he's not a complete jerk and when he acts like everything is perfect between us. I have to say, I love those days because it's like a relief. They're so relaxing ad a bit stressful.

“I'm talking to you,” I heard someone say, as they waved their hands in front of my face.

“Sorry what?” I asked, looking at the person.

“You completely zoned out,” Alec said, laughing a bit. See, today was a good day. I think it was...

“Yeah, I'm so sorry,” I told him, faking a smile.

“Is everything alright?” He said, placing his hand on my arm. “You can tell me if something's wrong,”

I look up at him and nodded. “I know,”

“But, is everything alright?” He asked, concern written all over his face.

“Yeah, I'm just a bit tired,” I admitted, which was true. I felt a bit exhausted.

“”Do you want to watch a movie and then maybe we can go to sleep?” He asked, smiling at me.

I nodded my head, “That's a good idea,”

We both got comfortable on the couch and started the movie. Perhaps half way through it, there was a knock on the door, followed my another and another. Alec got up and went to answer the door. “What's up guys?” I head him say.

“We're here to celebrate!” I heard one of his friends say.

“Celebrate what?” Alec asked.

“Just have a poker night, as usual.” Another one said, laughing.

“Aight, come on in,” He said and I could hear the smile in his voice.

“Hey Kaydene,” Tristan, Alec's cousin, said as he came next to me.

“Hi,” I said, smiling a little.

“How have you been?” He asked. I noticed that Alec gave me a look and spoke up.

“She's been fine, now come on! Let's play poker,” My boyfriend said, looking at me with an expression that told me not to say a word.

I hesitated but finally stood up and said, “But Alec, what about our movie?” I gestured my arm towards our paused movie.

“I don't fucking care about that stupid movie,” He hissed.

“Hey,” Tristan said. “You don't need to talk to her like that,”

“This is between me and Kaydene so stay out of this Tris,” Alec hissed, once again. “Now you,” He said, pointing to me. “Go outside, to your room or something. I don't want you in here while we're playing poker. It annoys the fuck out of me,” With that, he left and went in the kitchen and heard some laughter that came from him and some of his friends. I grabbed the blanket on the couch before making my way towards my room but an arm stopped me.

“Are you okay?” It was Chris, one of Alec's friends. I looked up at him and noticed a concerned look on his face. I simply nodded and smiled weakly at him before walking to my room.

I went by the window and opened it, letting the cold air of March fill my room. I grabbed my blanket, wrapping it around myself and sat by the window, looking outside. It was a beautiful night which made me regret not going outside instead of staying here, inside of my room.

After half an hour of sitting by the window, I decided to close the window and sit on my bed, watching some movie on TV. Suddenly having an idea, I turned to my left and took my cellphone that was charging. I unplugged it and grabbed it. Opening a new message, I typed the number of my first contact on my list and started to write a message.

I miss you.
Please come back.