She Used to Be a Pearl

I pulled into Alex's driveway after leaving the restaurant and got out of the car. I walked up his sidewalk with my flats digging into my heels uncomfortably with each step. Once I reached his door I knocked on it lightly. I stood there waiting for a minute and nothing happened so I rang the doorbell. I heard loud barking coming from inside and the door finally opened.

"Get back, god dammit!" He shouted at the german shepard.

"Hi." I said timidly. "Did I wake you up?" I asked as I noticed his disheveled hair and half opened eyes. He was standing before me in just sweatpants.

"Yeah. What do you want?" He asked me as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

"I was just stopping in to see if you wanted to spend some time together..." I said.

I wrapped my arms tightly around myself.

"Oh! Uh, come inside." He said quickly as he opened the door.

As soon as I walked in his dog started sniffing under my skirt. I pulled away and started petting his head.

"I didn't know you had a dog." I said as I looked around his house.

"Yeah. Hey let's sit down on the couch." He suggested.

"What's his name?" I asked.

"What? The dog? His name is Cujo."

"Oh." I said taking a seat on his navy blue couch. I crossed my legs and looked around the living room.

We'd been watching TV for awhile when he scooted closer to me. As I was eyeing his DVD collection, he placed his hand right above my knee and leaned in to kiss me. Instead of denying him, I kissed him back. His hand crept up my thigh until he reached the hem of my skirt. I placed my hand on his to stop him and he pulled away.

"What?" He asked.

"I'm just not comfortable with that." I told him.

"Um... Okay. Then why did you come over here?"

"I just thought we could spend some time together. What did you think I wanted?"

"I thought you wanted to fuck?"

I stood up off the couch as my anxiety sky rocketed.

"I- I'm sorry. I have to go." I said walking towards the door.

"Wait! Caty, I wasn't going to force you. I just misunderstood you. We can still hang out." He told me. "Baby, I'm one of the good guys. I would never do anything like that."

"Okay." I sighed as I joined him on the couch again. I sat down and cursed myself for wearing a scoop neck that felt incredibly low. I pulled up on it. Alex saw and rolled his eyes at me.

"You look really hot tonight."

I decided that I didn't like it when he called me hot. It made me feel cheap.

"Thank you." I said quietly.

"Would you relax?" He sighed annoyed.

"Sorry." I apologized.

"Let me loosen you up." He said as he got behind me.

He sat on the back of the couch and placed his hands on my shoulders and started to squeeze.

"Ow!" I yelped as he squeezed too hard.

"Shit! Sorry, sorry!" He apologized sincerely.

He rubbed gentler and his hands started traveling lower to my collarbone. I looked up at him and could clearly see where his eyes were looking.

"I really have to go now." I said pulling away and standing up.

"You've only been here for an hour!" He complained.

"I'm sorry, but I really need to go home." I said giving the dog a final pet goodbye.

"Whatever. See ya." He grumbled from the couch.

I left the house and let out a sigh of relief. I was so nervous that my hands were trembling.

On the drive home I started to feel my chest tightening and couldn't stop my thoughts from racing. I parked the car and ran up the stairs to my apartment.

My shaking hands fumbled with the keys until I found the right one, only to discover that the door wasn't even locked. I swung the door open and slammed it shut. I ran to the kitchen in search of something to drink that would calm the sick feeling in my stomach when I ran into somebody.

"Caty? Are you okay?" John asked looking extremely worried.

I found myself gasping for air and my vision was being blurred by tears. I couldn't think clearly and felt like the room was spinning.

After seeing my panicked state, John pulled me into a tight hug and kissed the top of my head. After a moment he led me to the couch and made me lay down. He knelt down beside me and held my hand.

"Just breathe. Everything's okay. Take a deep breath." He murmured as he stoked my hand.

My tears started to fall and I began to shake with fear and worry. John let go of my hand pulled me into another warm embrace.

"You're okay. Calm down. I'm here, everything is fine." He cooed as he rubbed my back.

Finally, I started to gain control of my breathing and the tears stopped falling. My shaking ceased, but the pounding in my head didn't.

"You're fine, sweetheart." He whispered softly.

I pulled away from him with my face still stained from the tears.

"Thank you." I said as I unwrapped his arms from my body and holding his hands in mine. "What are you doing here?"

"I was unpacking and I found some of your things in my suitcase." He said pointing to the folded pile of clothes on the kitchen table.

"Thanks."

"It's fine. Now do you want to tell me what happened?" He asked still kneeling on the ground before me.

"It was a panic attack. I'm sorry I freaked you out." I told him.

"You didn't freak me out, you worried me. What made you so scared?" He asked softly as he looked into my eyes.

I paused, not knowing what to say. I didn't want to tell him that Alex had been putting moves on me, but I didn't want to lie to him either.

"I don't want to say..." I finally answered.

He looked down but nodded.

"If you ever need to talk, I'm here." He said before taking a pause. "I also came over to apologize to you for everything. I'm so sorry, Caty. I never meant to hurt you, I swear."

"It's fine, John."

"No it's not. I obviously don't deserve a girl as great as you. No guy does."

I cracked a small smile at his loving words.

"I forgive you." I told him.

"You shouldn't." He chuckled.

He looked me in the eyes and I saw that bright twinkle that I hadn't seen for awhile.

Just then Amanda and Kennedy walked in and ended our little moment.

"What's up with this?" Amanda asked, looking in mine and Johns direction.

"I had to return some stuff of Caty's." John answered as he stood up and shoved his hands in his pockets.

Amanda looked at me for confirmation that his story was true and I nodded my head.

"Okay. Well, you better not keep Daisy waiting." She spat.

John looked down at his shoes and frowned.

"Yeah, uh, bye Caty. Talk to you soon?" He asked hopefully.

I smiled at him and nodded as he walked out the door.

"The nerve of that boy!" Amanda wailed to Kenny and I.

"It's fine, Manda. He apologized. Everything is good." I told her.

"Everything isn't good! You're so naive! He's still with that slutty satan." She growled. Yes, growled.

"Babe, we all know it's not going to last. He's in love with Caty." Kennedy said.

"He doesn't deserve her. She deserves so much better than anyone who dates that sleazeball Daisy." Amanda argued.

"It's fine, Amanda. He moved on and so did I." I shrugged as if the thought of John with another girl didn't affect me.

"You guys are both just rebounding! If John wasn't so stupid then both of you would be happy right now!" Amanda yelled before stomping into her bedroom and slamming the door.

Kennedy sighed and looked at her door, then at me.

"I'm sorry." He told me.

"It's okay. It's not your fault."

"Have you been crying?" He asked, stepping closer. "Did John make you cry?"

"No! No, he didn't." I replied.

"Then who did?" Kennedy asked.

I just looked away.

"Alex?" He guessed.

I didn't say anything in response, letting him know that his guess was correct.

"Did he hurt you?"

I shook my head.

"No, he was just acting weird." I answered.

"How?" Kennedy asked with a hint of anger in his voice.

"He just- I don't wanna talk about it." I said walking back into my bedroom and closing the door. I was about to flop on my bed when I saw something laying on top of my covers. As I got closer I realized that it was John's plaid flannel shirt that he gave me the day we went mini golfing. I picked it up and let his scent fill my nostrils and hugged the warm fabric close to my body. I heard a rustle and saw that there was a note with it.

Caty,
I told you to keep it.
It'll always look better on you.
Love,
John