You've Made Your Bed

“Please tell me your joking” Max laughed, he crossed his arms giving me a stern look.

“I’m not joking Max, I’ve left it long enough. I can’t not go see him, he’s my baby’s dad for god sake” I muttered pulling my shoes on and checking my make-up in the body length mirror against the wall.

“I’m coming with y-”

“No Max, it’s something I need to do on my own, I can’t have someone helping me along every step of the way. I’ll see you later” I sighed, I walked towards him and went to kiss him but he moved away, “Oh real fucking mature Max”.

“Just fuck off” Max growled storming up the stairs, the guys stared at me.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer” I snarled walking out the door and slamming it shut, I was pissed off with the way Max was behaving. Was it really wrong that I wanted visit Josh? It was the least I could do and the guys had been giving me grief the past two weeks anyway for not visiting him, I couldn’t win.

“Mummy, Why’re you crying?” Zacky questioned pulling his thumb out of his mouth, I shook my head wiping at my eyes. I hadn’t even realised I was crying until then.

“I’m just worried about daddy” I sighed, Zacky nodded and leaned into me while I opened the car door and strapped him in his booster seat on the passenger side of the car. I got in the car myself turning the radio on, Just the way you are by Bruno Mars started to play, I loved this song. I pulled out the drive way and started to make my way towards the hospital.

“Her hair her hair falls perfectly without her trying” Zacky sang out of tune and time, I burst out laughing. Zacky was my reason for living, he was the most gorgeous little boy I had ever come across and I’m not just saying that because he’s my son.

“I love you Zackary” I smiled, he giggled before telling me the same thing but obviously calling me mummy, the rest of the 30 minute ride was spent with us singing together and dancing. We pulled into the car park and drove around until I found a spot, I got out the car and got Zacky out balancing him on my hip. I walked over to the desk in the reception area and placed Zacky on it, the receptionist looked up and grinned at Zacky before turning to me.

“Hello, how can I help you?” The woman grinned, Zacky giggled holding his hands out to her, she gave him her hand and he started to play with her fingers, I could tell she would make a good mother, or is a good mother, depending on if she has kids.

“I’m here to see Joshua Franceschi” I said, my fingers folding on top of the desk, the woman started to type things into the keyboard.

“Name and relationship?”

“Lauren Franceschi, I’m his wife” I whispered, the woman gasped her eyes widening. I frowned slightly and looked away trying to understand why she was gasping, the woman looked up.

“Room 435” I thanked her before walking down the hall, I stared at all the numbers as I walked past the doors. I stopped when I reached room 435, I took a deep breath and then pulled the handle down to push the door open. I strolled inside looking anywhere but the bed placed in the centre of the room, I turned around closing the door and closed my eyes blinking away tears, I hadn’t even seen him yet.

“Mummy, why is Daddy not moving?” Zacky asked, I looked at him to see him looking over my shoulder sucking on his bottom lip. I gulped and turned around instantly wishing I hadn’t come. I slowly moved towards his bed tears falling down my face when more and more bruises came into sight with the occasional cut. I sat down in the arm chair next to the hospital bed and put Zacky on the one against the wall.

“Josh” I whimpered, I picked his hand up in mine stroking the skin gently, his hand was ice cold. “I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to do this I never wanted to hurt you” I whispered, tears were falling down my face at a constant speed, “please wake up Josh, I don’t want to be without you when you’ve only just come back into my life”. I wish Josh would just say one thing to me; let me know he forgave me for what I’d done to him, I knew he’d forgive me in a heartbeat if he was awake.

But he wasn’t awake, he was in a coma, dying. And it was all my fault. “Please wake up” my voice croaked, I could barely understand myself, I placed my head in my hands sobbing. I couldn’t look at Josh anymore, to me he looked dead, he was so pale and cold. “I swear to god Josh, if you wake up I’ll forgive you for everything that happened before. I don’t care about that anymore, all I want is for you to be okay” I sniffled, “I want you to be mine again. I love you Josh. I’m IN love with you”

“Lauren?”

I turned my head around to see Max, Dan, Chris and Matt standing in the doorway, Max looked pissed. The others looked relieved. I’m not sure why though considering I’d just revealed to their hospitalised best friend, in a coma, that I was in love with him when I was the one that had put him in that position. “Max” I whispered, I knew what was coming next; Max was going to go off on one saying how Josh had treated me bad and didn’t deserve me. Then he would try and persuade me to ignore Josh and forget about him.

“What the fuck?” He snapped, I rolled my eyes. “Don’t roll your fucking eyes at me Lauren, seriously? What’re you doing with your life? You tell me you love me and then next thing I know you’re coming to see your fucking ex to tell him you love! What’s up with that?”.

“Max, it’s going nothing to do with you if I want to finally tell Josh the truth. And if you love me like you say you do, surely you’d want what’s best for me instead of being a stubborn bastard” I frowned, he laughed and shook his head.

“What’s best for you? I’m what’s best for you!” He yelled. He took a couple of steps towards me maintaining eye contact. His hand moved so it was pointing in Josh’s direction, “Josh is not good for you Lauren. He fucking raped you, he tried to take your kid away from you, he hit you on numerous occasions and he cheated on you”

“Yeah, thanks for reminding me Max, I know?” I said in a duh tone, “But you know what I find funny Max? You come and criticize me for caring, but yet you yourself haven’t been here before now and you’ve come to argue with me. Don’t you care that your best friend is in hospital?”

“Of course I fucking care Lauren, don’t be stupid”

“Why don’t you fucking show it then Max! You come here screaming your mouth off but you don’t sit next to Josh, talk to him and tell him you miss him, you don’t tell him he’s your best friend and you want him to pull through this. You just scream about things he’s done in the past that he obviously regrets!” I cried.

“Why’re you still sticking up for him Lauren? It’s not going to drop the fucking charges”

“Oh Max, I don’t care about the fucking charges, but believe it or not I do care about my son not having a mum or a dad so right now I am doing what’s best for my son and bringing him to see his dad despite the fact he can’t talk, just being in the room with him I’m sure means a lot to Zacky” I snarled.

“Drop the fucking innocent act Lauren. You’re not doing it for Zacky, you’re doing it because you don’t want to be locked up, I’m pretty sure you couldn’t care less about your fucking son” Max yelled.

At this point I was fuming, I couldn’t believe Max was saying all of this to me when he knew I loved my son more then anything and would do anything for him no matter what. “Oh shut the fuck up Max, you know, I care about my son more then anything” I smirked, “Which is more then I can say for you considering you can’t even stay in a relationship, you only just recently lost your virginity and that was because I used you” I let out a laugh, “Poor Maxie, how does it feel to be used?”

“You stupid fucking slut” Max shouted his hand colliding with the side of my face. I stayed still not even flinching even though on the inside I wanted to cry over the pain, I could feel my eyes brimming with tears but I made sure not to let them fall so I didn’t seem weak.

“Nice one Max, and you call Josh abusive”

“That’s because he is”

“Oh shut the fuck up, you’re the one that just slapped me”

“You fucking asked for it you slut”

“Did I really though prick?” I growled, just then Josh’s monitors started to flash, the steady quiet beeping started to speed up becoming increasingly louder, I didn’t have a chance to process what was happening, Josh’s chest had stopped moving. Nurses and doctors ran in the room straight towards the bed Josh was laying on. “Oh my god” I sobbed, I collapsed on the floor curling into a ball and crying, I could see the guys panicking and Zacky running towards me.

“Mummy” Zacky cried, I could tell he was scared, he always got scared when I was crying, he was one of the people that knew something bad had happened and there was a reason for my tears. I pulled him into my arms cradling him tightly while he continued to cry, he didn’t even know what was happening.

“I’m afraid you need to leave” A doctor with a green oval and mask sighed, I stared up at him through my eyelashes. Did he really expect me to leave the room when Josh was in here and something was wrong? The guys nodded whispering okays, “Would you be able to carry her out?”

“Of course” Dan whispered hoarsely, Matt took Zacky out of my arms holding him tightly while he walked out the room. Dan leaned down to my level, “baby girl, we need to go while they sort Josh out. He’s going to be fine, he’s just having a bit of trouble right now, it’s nothing serious”. I nodded my head to Dan showing I believed him, he carefully pulled me into his arms holding me tightly. We walked out the room and into the reception, Dan sat on one of the leather chairs and then pulled me onto his lap, I could see Zacky asleep on Matt’s lap.

10 Minutes had past and still we had nothing.

The time was going past slower and slower, it felt like an eternity had gone when really it had only been a couple of minutes. “Who’s here for Joshua Franceschi?” A doctor asked, I immediately shot up off Dan’s lap and ran towards him, the guys followed behind, the doctor gave us a sympathetic look, I knew what was coming.

“We tried all we could. I’m afraid Joshua’s dead, we gave him 2 adrenaline shots and it seemed to do nothing, I’m so sorry for your loss”