Living Our Lives So Irrationally

I stood in a pair of shaded glasses, dark denim jeans, tank top and a wore a pair of black pumps. I wasn't dressing up I just felt the need to look nice. It would be a matter of moments before the dark colored bus would pull up and the five band members I came to know and love. And just as I imagined it there it came. Driving up the drive way and stopping right up beside me. I took in a deep breath and than exhaled. The doors opened letting the stairs lower and slowly but surely all the guys got off the bus.

I glanced down at the ground feeling an awkwardness take over me. A large shadow cased over me making me look up to see Matt. Face to face we stood in front one another.

“Um. Hey” I spoke. He nodded not saying anything. “We need to talk” he spoke and took my hand leading me into the house. I turned around not looking at any of the other guys focusing on what was now going to be said.

We walked into the house. He sat down in the living room as so did I. “Listen. We both did something we both planned on not finding out about one another, right?” he asked quietly. “Yeah. And I'm sorry. I planned on stopping it I really did...I love you Matt its just ...” “You're not in love with me. I get it” he spoke looking away. I had hurt him. “I hate seeing you like this. I want to stay friend....” “So do I...Hah...I guess we weren't made for everyone, proving everyone wrong once again!” he lightly laughed. I nodded. “Hey I'm sorry too.” “Its alright bud”. We shared an honest smile between one another. Something which probably hadn't been done in months and for once it felt good. We stood up and hugged and then walked out of the house.

“Well?” asked Johnny a worried expression crossing his face. “Everything is settled” I smiled. Jimmy gave me a small smile before unpacking the rest of his things. I smiled and turned to Matt. “Well I better go back inside and gather my things...OH and this” I slid the white gold crystal band off my finger and placed it in his palm. “That's yours” I smiled nodding. He nodded staring down at the ring. I then walked around him and headed inside. I had packing to do.

“You know you don't have to leave” Matt spoke lying on the bed, TV remote in hand as he watched me dig through the closet and gather my belongings. “Its for the best Matty. I love you but...” “Its for the best” He rolled his eyes. “Yeah. Plus if she's going to be around...I don't need to be either” “Em, She won't be around” he sat up taking offense to this. “Ok. Its ok...I'll stay. at..” and there is where I realized I was kind of homeless if I left the house.
“Um...” I looked at him biting my lower lip. “What about at Jimmy's?” He suggested. I shrugged sitting on the edge of the bed. “I'm really not sure on how he's taken this...are you two ok?” I asked. Matt nodded. He seemed normal when preforming and whatever. There is no tension between us, is there between you two?”
I shrugged. “He hasn't really talked to me since that phone call that night” I admitted. Matt nodded. “He can't hate you so don't think that. It's Jimmy we're talking about here” he spoke matter-of-factly.
I nodded agreeing strongly. “Well I'll give it a few days...and stay here until then” I spoke. “I call the guest room downstairs!” I yelled out running out with my things. Matt laughed. “That's ok!” he spoke and flicked the channel.

I settled in downstairs quiet easily. Sleeping alone wouldn't be new seeing I had been doing it for the past three weeks but it was different living with Matt like this. More as a friend verses a girlfriend. I enjoyed it. That night we made dinner, along with making a huge mess in the kitchen. Who knew making spaghetti would be so...messy? Let's just say in the end we had more pasta in our hair and on our clothes than on our plates. I truly missed this side of Matt. My old best friend had risen from the ashes.

The next was a whole different story though.

I walked down the boarded walk I had walked and ran down so many times before. He must of had to been home. How come this was harder than explaining to Matt that I had cheated on him with...HIM!
I stopped at the door and waited there for a moment. My heart rate rose quickly and I bit my lip nervously. I exhaled loudly and then brought my fist up to the door and knocked a couple of time.
I waited hearing some shuffling come from the other side and then the door opened. He looked at me dully. The shine in his eyes gone for me. I blinked a couple of times before saying 'hey' he said it back too and then the awkwardness fell back into place. I hope we'd get over this stage soon. I knew I couldn't have him hate me for telling Matt everything...and like Matt said. This was Jimmy we were talking about.