My Toxic Valentine

It would've been better is Alex had just started yelling at him. If he'd been so furious at Jack for deceiving him that he just screamed.

If he'd managed to express any emotion at all, Jack may have been able to talk to him, to explain, to apologise.

They could've at least spoken about it.

But things really hadn't worked out that way at all.

Jack sat down on the bed, staring at his shoes.

“Um...” he began awkwardly, hands gripping nervously at his thighs.

Alex had turned around from preening in front of the mirror and was watching intently, a curious look on his face.

“What is it?” he asked, beginning to sound a little concerned.

“Well... you know I'm not from Baltimore, right?” Jack asked, looking up from his shoes to meet Alex's curious eyes.

Alex nodded. “Yeah. You're just travelling after finishing high school, right?”

Jack bit his lip nervously as he tried to find the words to explain to Alex about his... situation.

“I actually didn't finish high school.”

Alex blinked, slightly surprised, but he didn't seem overly concerned.

“Okay,” he began slowly “Is that what you were nervous about telling me? Because I don't care. It doesn't matter. You can always go back. You know, if you want to.”

Jack bit his lip and sighed. “No, there's something else.”

He didn't know why he was so nervous about telling Alex. It didn't matter, right? He slept on the streets... no big deal. He didn't expect Alex to help him or anything. He just didn't want to lie to him any more.

Mind you, it was less of a lie, more of an omission.

Regardless of what it was, though, it still made Jack feel guilty as fuck.

“Uh... you know how you asked if I was staying at that backpackers?”

Alex nodded patiently, his eyes still searching Jack's.

“Well, that's not entirely true,” Jack said quietly.

Alex frowned at him, obviously still not understanding where Jack was going with this. “Okay? Where are you staying then?”

Jack took a deep breath before answering. “An alleyway in the centre of town.”

Alex opened his mouth but failed to make a sound. He just shook his head, confusion written all over his face.

“I'm homeless, Alex. I live on the streets. I move city to city because I have to. I've never stayed somewhere this long. Not since...” Jack tried to steady his thoughts with another deep breath before continuing “Not since Brooklyn.”

He looked up from his shoes to meet Alex's eyes, painfully aware of the fact that his hands were shaking in his lap and that his breathing was unsteady. The fact that he'd managed to not hyperventilate by now was nothing short of a fucking miracle.

Looking Alex in the eyes was painful. He was hurt- that was obvious. And why shouldn't he be? Despite Jack telling himself otherwise, he'd obviously fallen for him and Jack had just revealed that rather than being who Alex thought he was, he was a worthless, lying bum.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Jack still expected him to say something though. Anything... to yell at him, to scream, to tell him to leave.

But he hadn't.

Instead, he just sat there, drenching the room in awkward silence and making Jack feel as though all he wanted to do was curl up in a ball and slowly fade away.

Jack waited, not-so-patiently, for what felt like hours. In reality it was probably only 20 minutes, but it seemed like an eternity.

It soon became obvious that Alex wasn't going to speak; that he couldn't find the words to voice his disgust, disappointment, rage. He wasn't going to tell Jack all the things that he was expecting to hear.

It was too much for Jack to handle... the silence, the hurt in Alex's eyes. So he gathered his things and left.

Jack did what he always did when things got too much to handle and he fucking left.

So that left him wandering the streets of Baltimore for hours, rain beginning to trickle down, hitting Alex's Blink-182 shirt and soaking him through to the core.

He was exactly as he'd been when he arrived- cold, wet, alone and carrying his backpack and guitar. The only difference was that now he was cleaner and wearing better clothes.

He wasn't even really sure how he felt. He was devastated, obviously, that Alex hadn't even been able to bring himself to speak to him.

But he was also kind of furious with himself. He was happy, dammit, truly happy, before he felt the need to drop that bombshell. And now he really had no reason to stay in Baltimore.

It was already getting late, though. And Jack didn't know how much money he had, if it would be enough for a train ticket, or even where the trains headed to from Baltimore at night. So his only option was to head to his alley for the night.

With rain pouring down and the temperature beginning to get uncomfortably low, Jack decided that the best thing for him to do would be to huddle up in his blanket and as many layers as possible and stay under cover.

With that goal in mind he retraced the now familiar path through the city streets until he found the alley. He was pleased to see it empty again and headed straight for his usual alcove, setting down his things and stepping out of the rain.

He was just about to unzip his backpack and begin setting himself up for the night when he heard a voice.

“Well, look who it is,” the slightly slurred voice said from behind him.

Jack felt his heart skip a beat as he turned around. The fact that three guys, around his age, and all with matching narrowed eyes and troubling expressions, were standing in front of him, was more than a little bit terrifying.

He frowned, confused, before realising that these were not complete strangers. They weren't other people who lived on the streets just looking for a turf war.

They were Alex's friends from the diner.

The one that spoke was the same one who'd had a go at him then. He was the quintessential spoilt brat; picking on people who he believed were “below him”.

He was flanked by two other boys, both of whom Jack recognised. Neither of them had spoken at the diner and they weren't Alex's close friends, which was some comfort.

Some irrational part of Jack had just jumped to the conclusion that this was Alex setting him up, getting back at him for lying... but surely even Alex wouldn't be so cruel. And surely if that were the case it would be Zack and Rian here and not these guys.

It was only a minor comfort to Jack that this wasn't an elaborate plot, however. Because he still found himself faced with three guys who looked as though they would consider beating the absolute shit out of Jack as a valid source of entertainment.

Jack had learnt to be a good judge of character, which is why the three of them stepping towards him simultaneously came as no real surprise.

The sinking feeling in Jack's stomach worsened and he felt as though the only things he was capable of doing was curling into the foetal position and sobbing or just vomiting everywhere out of sheer anxiety.

He didn't think that either of those things would really help him right now, however.

Fuck, Jack was tall, sure. But he weighed next to nothing and he was so damn frail that if he so much as attempted to throw a punch he would probably break a bone.

Living on the streets he probably should've learned by now to defend himself. But he lived differently. He self-preserved, he stayed out of trouble, he stayed invisible.

And what a fucking flawed plan that was turning out to be.

There was a sickening crack as the first punch struck Jack's jaw and with resigned submission, he just took it.

He didn't really have enough fight in him to resist.