My Toxic Valentine

It took Alex too long to gather his thoughts after Jack had dropped that bombshell. 

It took long enough for the clear skies over Baltimore to break and beginning dumping rain on the city like nobody's business. 

It took long enough for Jack to get up, gather his things and leave. 

It took too fucking long. 

Even after Jack had left, Alex was still sitting there, mulling over the words for a long while before the reality of the situation had set in.

Jack was homeless. He slept on the streets. He had very little money, no real shelter and nowhere to call home.

And now, as Baltimore was caught in the midst of some kind of hellish storm, he was fuck knows where, doing Christ knows what and probably catching pneumonia. 

“Fuck,” Alex swore under his breath, slumping on his bed, head in his hands. He was completely torn.

On the one hand, he was furious and hurt that Jack hadn't wanted to, hadn't felt the need to tell him before now. He wondered why. Was it because he didn't trust him? Because he was using him for a place to stay?

On the other hand, however, Alex felt guilty as fuck.

He had just, essentially, kicked his homeless friend out of his house, leaving him on the streets in the middle of a torrential downpour.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” he groaned to himself, gaining the attention of Sebastian, who was just lurking in his doorway.

“I've messed up again, Baz,” he informed the small dog with a heavy sigh.

Baz just stared up at him curiously, oblivious to Alex's inner turmoil.

Alex stood up and grabbed his car keys, shoving his wallet into his pocket as well. Despite the small part of him that was still wondering whether or not he'd just been a ticket to food and shelter for Jack, he knew he had to at least make some effort to find the younger boy.

He couldn't leave him sleeping on the streets... again. 

When he was in his car and heading towards the city, Alex realised that he honestly had no idea where he would be able to find Jack. 

It was a foreign idea to him that Baltimore even had homeless people. He wasn't stupid, he obviously knew that not everybody in the world was as fortunate as he was, but he'd never really considered the idea that it would hit him quite so close to home.

As he drove, Alex mentally berated himself. Another emotion had surfaced as he worked to make sense of the afternoon's events and he was furious at himself.

The more he thought about it, the more that Jack being homeless began to make sense.

He was always carrying that tattered backpack and guitar with him, always. And his clothes were well-worn and Alex could only remember seeing him in 2 different t-shirts; with the exception of the Blink shirt he'd given him earlier. 

He always managed to dodge questions about his home and life and he always looked exhausted. 

There were so many signs and hints that were blindingly obvious now, but Alex had never managed to put two and two together before.

Hindsight was a funny thing.

Alex tried to push the blame, guilt and anger out of his mind and just focus on the worry. It was still absolutely pouring and, even with his windscreen wipers on full-boar, he was struggling to see out.

This, added to the fact that he didn't really know where he should be looking, was driving him to frustration and, as he drove down a road lined with industrial buildings and some particularly seedy looking alleyways, he was fighting the urge to just pull over and scream.

He did manage to carry on, however, and as he took in the surroundings he had a thought. These sorts of alleyways usually existed to house back entrances to the buildings that lined the street and those doorways were usually covered by some sort of alcove.

A perfect place to stay dry.

He pulled over with little regard to the safety of himself or other road users and was out of his car as quick as possible. The street was quiet, empty, or at least that was his first impression.

Three guys; around his age, appeared out of the alleyway, breaking into a sprint when they saw Alex standing there. It was too dark for him to make anything out about them, but two of them seemed to be carrying something and the fact that they were spooked by Alex had him worried.

He didn't think twice before venturing into the cold and manky alleyway, almost breaking out into a run. It was like some kind of sixth sense that had suggested he stop here, and it paid off.

He heard a low groaning sort of sound and stopped in his tracks, his heart pausing momentarily. He was convinced that the groan was familiar and continued forwards cautiously. 

He could see a figure balled up in one of the alcoves, knees drawn to his chest and head down in a very familiar and incredibly defensive stance. Using his cell phone as a light, Alex crouched down in front of the figure. 

“J-jack?” He was surprised by how nervous he sounded and the fact that his voice was scarcely more than a whisper.

They looked up to meet his gaze and Alex realised with horror that it was Jack. The horror, however, was caused less by his identity and more by the fact that his face was caked in blood, his clothes weren't much better off and he seemed to wince every time he moved. 

“Alex, please just… go away. I don’t need you,” Jack mumbled, trying to stand and failing dismally, instead just collapsing back in a heap with a painful whimper.

“Jack, please don’t run away from me again,” Alex begged, his voice hoarse “What happened to you?”

He didn't need an answer, though. It was pretty obvious what had happened. 

"Some assholes beat me up. They took my guitar, backpack. They took every fucking thing I own, Alex."

The tears he could see in Jack’s eyes, threatening to creep down his bloody cheeks, were almost too much for him to handle and Alex had to fight to hold his own back as he continued to speak.

“I’m an idiot for not knowing; for not realizing. I’m an idiot for letting you leave and this is all my fault. I’m so fucking sorry, Jack.” 

Alex shook his head silently, stopping Jack from trying to argue. 

“Don’t… just, please just come back with me. I’m not going to let you stay out here like this. Not again.”

Reluctantly, Jack began to stand. He struggled however, and it took all of Alex’s strength to bring him to a standing position. He managed to stay upright as Alex led him to his car, however, Alex had to practically lift him into the front seat; his previously precious leather upholstery all but forgotten. 

“I think you need to go the hospital, Jack,” Alex said once he was sitting in the driver’s seat, the interior light on; illuminating the bruising that was beginning to form around his eye, the gash on his cheek and the blood that was staining a considerable portion of his face and some of his clothing.

“No,” Jack choked out, a terrified look taking over his features “Please, no” 

Alex sighed, knowing that giving into Jack would definitely be the wrong thing to do. But as he looked at him; shaking, wet, cold and fucking terrified, there was no way he could resist. 

“Okay,” Alex said quietly as he started up the car “But I’m not letting you out of my sight- tonight or ever.”

Jack smiled weakly as Alex began to drive. 

When they got to Alex’s and he helped him out of the car, Jack was steadier on his feet. Alex only had to help him a little as they walked up the stairs. They went immediately to the downstairs bathroom, where Alex sat Jack down and began to focus on cleaning him up.

Every time Alex touched him he felt Jack recoil slightly. Alex didn’t know if that was from pain, fear or because he was still mad at him- and that hurt like hell.

When the blood was cleaned off Jack began to look a hell of a lot better, and that comforted Alex slightly. Only slightly, however, because Alex was still furious at himself for freezing and allowing Jack to walk out of his house and into the rain.

“You’re soaked through,” Alex said quietly as he felt the dampness of Jack’s worn jumper. “Let me get you something dry to wear.” 

Alex went up to his room and grabbed some swear pants, a New Found Glory t-shirt and some boxers. When he returned to the bathroom, 

Jack was just sitting silently where Alex had left him, staring at the floor.

“Thanks,” he said quietly, taking the clothes from Alex.

Alex just stood in the doorway awkwardly for a few minutes before asking “Did you need a hand to get changed?”

Jack shook his head, blushing slightly. “No, I think I can manage, thanks.”

“I’ll be in the kitchen,” Alex said, closing the bathroom door as he left. 

He could’ve kicked himself for that. ‘Oh, and just in case I haven’t made enough of a dick of myself tonight- may I undress you, too?'

He wandered into the kitchen, mentally kicking himself every step of the way and got out two mugs. He knew that his mum always gave people tea when they were upset, or when anything had gone wrong really, and he hoped that hot chocolate might have the same effect. 

It was hard to make it with his hands shaking, but he managed. He was completely shaken and was finding it incredibly hard to not blame himself entirely for Jack getting the shit kicked out of him. 

After all, he had kicked him out into the storm and left him on the streets of Baltimore when they could've just discussed things like an adult and let him stay here where he would've been safe. 

This train of thought was interrupted when Jack walked into the kitchen, now dryer, cleaner and shaking a little less.

He was still struggling to walk a little though and Alex gently guided him onto one of the stools before placing the steaming mug of hot chocolate in front of him.

“Drink up,” he said quietly “It'll make you feel better.”

Jack managed a weak smile at him, and there was a brief moment of silence before he spoke.

“Thanks,” he began, looking down at the contents of his mug “For coming to find me and everything.”

Alex shook his head emphatically. “No, don't. If I hadn't have-”

“It's not your fault,” Jack cut in “It just happened. It does sometimes... living like I do isn't always easy.”

There was a silence again as Alex tried to think of an appropriate way to sum up everything he was feeling. He was spared that, however, by Jack continuing.

“I probably owe you an explanation, hey?”

Alex looked up at him curiously. “For what?”

“For how I ended up here.” 

With a shake of his head, Alex replied “You don't have to.”

“I want to,” Jack said quietly “I probably should've told you from the start.”