Remembering Sunday

It played over and over in my mind before images of Jack and Lexi together flooded my mind as I walked the streets.

I typed the code in from memory before my legs carried me up the stairs and I banged on the door.

I didn’t care if the neighbors heard, they’d hear what was coming next they might as well hear this.

My knuckles slammed against the door repeatedly until I heard the door begin to unlock and as it opened I grabbed him. I threw all my weight into forcing him backwards kicking the door shut.

“I’ll fucking kill you! You’re a devious, selfish, sick bastard,” I shouted as I pinned him on the wall.

I saw him flinch as he slammed into the wall before realizing he was only wearing his boxers; I shook my head as my body shook in anger.

I wasn’t even joking I’d beat the life out of him for this.

“You make me sick, you know that? You disgust me. You don’t deserve her, your dirty betraying hands should never have touched her!” I shouted at him and he smiled at me.

“What’s the matter Alex?” he asked calmly.

Why was he so calm? He’d slept with her and now he was about to get beaten up!

“Your what’s the matter, going around sleeping with girls you have no business sleeping with!" I shouted.

“Shut up! Your in no position to lecture me on anything,” he barked.

“Jack shut up! She’s not yours,” I growled.

“But she’s not yours,” Jack laughed back as he pushed me off him.

“Jack?” I heard her ask before appearing at his bedroom doorway.

“Go back to bed Lexi,” he ordered.

“What’s up?” she asked and he shook his head as my eyes fell on her and stayed with her.

She was wearing shorts and a top, one of his tops at that.

“Nothing sweetie, go back to bed and I’ll finish up talking to Alex. We’ll keep quiet, I’ll be through in a minute,” he said and she looked at him before obeying and leaving.

“If you think I’ll let this slide you’ve got another thing coming, I’ll make your life hell for this,” I warned and he nodded.

“She’ll never be yours Jack, try as you might you’ll never replace me,” I grumbled at him and he laughed.

“No I’ll never mess her around, never break her heart, never take her then leave her,” he said and I shook my head pushing him back against the wall.

“And I’ll never let you rest for as long as you look at her,” I whispered.

“Jealously doesn’t suit you Alex, it makes you aggressive and something your not,” he stated and I shook my head.

“I’m not jealous,” I lied and he laughed.

“Lexi come out here please,” he shouted and she appeared back at the doorway, he moved over to her and stood in front of her.

Her eyes just looked at him as if waiting for an explanation but she never got one she did however get his lips crashing onto hers, I watched as his hand went to her neck holding her there as he deepened the kiss.

My breathing quickened as rage left me and I felt my heart break, that was my girlfriend not his.

He guided her backwards to the wall holding her against it and I felt sick, my legs felt like they’d give out as I slid down the wall hugging my knees to my chest as tears fell silent from my eyes.

What in the world had I done!

They were still kissing!

“Stop,” I begged quietly but they never heard or didn’t care.

“Stop it! Please Jack stop!” I begged and he pulled away looking at me as I shook my head.

“Why?” he asked and I shook my head at him, he sighed pulling her into another kiss this time forcing his body onto hers making my skin crawl.

I looked away trying to ignore this was happening but I couldn’t, they were killing me. It felt like they’d ripped my heart out, I’d tried to stop myself being hurt and yet I’d caused it to be worse somehow.

“Because I fucking love her!” I shouted.

The room fell silent as Jack let her go and she looked at Jack shocked and then at me.

“Then why are you messing around? Why aren’t you the one taking her home? Why aren’t you dancing with her in clubs?” he asked and I shrugged.

“Why are you breaking her heart to be with Kate?” he asked and I shook my head not looking at her until he moved forward.

“I was scared okay!” I admitted.

“Just stop please! Don’t touch her,” I begged and he moved away from her.

I broke down as tears flowed from my eyes realizing that once again I’d ruined everything, I was responsible for my own heartbreak for what felt like the thousandth time!

“I was scared, Kate came back and she reminded me of everything I felt in California. Not for her because we all know that was never anything but for Lexi, Kate being here reminded me how hurt I was. I remembered what that felt like and I don’t want that ever again. I thought breaking up would protect me from that but then you 2 were together. You took her home Jack, how could you sleep with her?” I asked crying.

“I never slept with her you idiot! I made you think that to make you react, she was upset when we got back and we were watching a movie in my bed. She’d never sleep with me, I’m not good enough for her,” Jack shouted.

“What?” I asked looking up.

“We never slept together, we’re watching a movie. You accused me of wanting to so I thought I’d just piss you off for mistreating her, plus I thought this might somehow make that stupid mind of yours realize what it was doing,” he snapped as I pushed myself up.

I walked towards her, I made no attempt to calm down as my body shook from the tears.

“I’m so sorry Lexi. I love you,” I cried and she shook her head.

“How many times do I have to hear it Alex? How many times does this happen?” she shouted and I shook my head moving towards her again and she stayed put.

“I was scared Ally, you terrify me. You broke my heart and I don’t want to have that happening again, I was a mess when we first broke up and I went to California. I panicked it might happen again so I broke up with you, I ran away from the problem instead of dealing with it but seeing Jack with you made me sick,” I admitted.

“Kate?” she asked and I closed my eyes.

“She asked me to go out, I agreed. I saw you together and it looked like you were going to kiss and I just kissed her, it was stupid! I don’t want Kate or anyone else, I want you!” I admitted closing the space between us.

“Alex I can’t keep doing this, I can’t just say yes when you want me and then pick myself up when you go,” she snapped.

“I won’t ever go again,” I offered and she shook her head.

“You will, you always do. You always say never again and yet we end up there.”

“Please Lexi don’t do this to me, I can’t be this way,” I begged and she shook her head as I placed my hands on her waist.

“Ally I’ll give you anything you want, you name it and I’ll do it. I promise you, name it and I’ll do it for you,” I begged and she looked away.

I was losing this, I was losing her.

Fresh tears formed in my eyes.

“Ally please,” I begged and she just stayed looking away, I fell to my knees.

“Ally babe please don’t do this,” I begged holding her hands in my own.

“Alex,” she stated and I shook my head.

“No Lexi,” I cried.

“Alex you can’t keep doing this, we broke up, you left, you came back and I let myself fall for you again, you then break up with me again,” she said and I shook my head.

"I was trying to protect you, I thought I was doing the right thing,” I reasoned.

“You always do! I gave you another chance and you break up with me again! I can’t keep coming back to you,” she said and I squeezed her hand.

“You don’t have to! One more chance and I’ll never let you go again, ever! I promise,” I said.

She looked at me; I connected my eyes with hers.

“What if I want someone else? What if I’ve moved on?” she asked and I felt my chest tighten.

“No Ally please! Don’t say that,” I begged her.

“What if I’ve got feelings for someone else now, what if I want Jack?” she asked and I closed my eyes at the mention of his name.

I was pathetic begging her from my knees to have me and not him.

“Don’t say that, please don’t say that. You don’t mean that, please,” I begged but she just looked at Jack.

What if she meant it, what if she had fallen for him from that kiss?

“Say you don’t mean that? You can’t fall for him,” I said and she looked at me.

“I can’t do this Alex, I just can’t okay,” she said pulling her hands from mine and walking back to Jack’s room.

I felt Jack’s hands on my shoulders and I sat back.

“Alex,” he said and I shook my head.

“Don’t bother,” I said quietly before he walked off leaving me alone.