I Won't Say I'm in Love

I was sitting in the lunchroom with Jake and all his friends, poking at my half cold mashed potatoes and gravy. The gravy was more gray than brown. I looked up across the lunchroom and saw Kyle with his group of friends. He was laughing about something and I watched in wonderment as he ran his hand through his longish, silky black hair and adorably pushed his black glasses up onto his nose. I studied the way his discreet biceps flexed as he leaned forward on his arms to say something else, making the rest of his table erupt in laughter. He looked over toward me and I quietly gasped as our eyes collided. Even from across the lunchroom, I felt my heart stop as it usually did when my eyes met his purple ones.

His body seemed to be responding in the same way as his smile slowly fell off his face. Then, even slower, a dreamy smile appeared in it’s place. “Hi,” he mouthed. I closed my eyes as my smile mimicked his and reopened them.

“Hi,” I mouthed back. I saw his back arch as he laughed quietly, looking down at his table. He then looked back up at me with such intensity, I knew that if I hadn’t been sitting down, I would have fallen. We stared at each other blissfully for a few more moments before I heard Paul saying my name next to me.

“Calypso,” he said. I didn’t answer. “Calypso,” he said a bit firmer this time.

“What?” I muttered, so quietly I could hardly hear myself, my eyes still pasted on Kyle’s.

“Calypso!” he shouted.

“What—WHAT?!” I said, slowly coming out of my reverie. I whipped my head around to glare at Paul. I huffed and put my head in my hand. “What?” I breathed quietly. All the boys smirked except Jacob, and slowly turned their heads towards Kyle’s table, their eyes looking last.

“Oh...” Jared breathed in recognition. All the boys looked back at me. “You were eye-humping with Wakefield. I get it,” he teased. I shook my head at him, unable to keep a slight smirk off my face as I dropped my fork onto my tray.

“I’m not hungry,” I said, pushing my chair back and grabbing my tray as I stood up. I began to walk out of the lunchroom and heard just the sound I was expecting to hear: the sound of another chair scraping across the floor. I glanced back discreetly and saw Kyle walking about five yards behind me towards the doors. I walked out and leaned my back against the wall next to the doors, crossing my ankles, my arms, and arching my neck looking only at the ground. I soon heard the lunchroom doors open. When I saw Kyle’s eyes looking at me, I looked up at him with just my eyes.

“Do I look sexy?” I asked him with a smile, still maintaining my position. He nodded his head as he scanned me up and down.

“Very,” he assured me with a smile that made my heart pound. I grinned and stood up. As we began walking, Kyle put his hand out to hold mine and, involuntarily, I put mine in his. It was big and nice to hold…but it felt weird. I was so used to holding Jake’s hand now, that because Kyle’s hand wasn’t twice as big as mine, hot and calloused, it felt wrong.

I shook my head lightly to dismiss this thought and turned to look at Kyle. “Whaddaya wanna do?” I asked him. He looked toward the doors of the school, and back at me, a mischievous smile on his face and a devious gleam in his eye. He looked around the school and began walking a little faster. “Kyle, what are you doing?” I asked, though I knew perfectly well what we were doing.

“C’mon,” he said, smiling and frequently switching between walking and jogging. I just giggled as we jogged towards the door and then bolted full out once we were a few yards away. We laughed while we ran to his motorcycle parked around the side of the school. We both straddled it and I wrapped my arms around him, greatly enjoying our closeness as we ripped out of the parking lot, my hair flying behind me in the wind.



“Your favorite color is…?” Kyle started, looking at me with one eyebrow raised as I looked at him, my mouth open and eyebrows raised. He had sworn up and down that he knew practically everything about me besides intimate details and now I was quizzing him. I stood on my tiptoes, slowly getting my face closer and closer to his. Just when my face was a few inches from his, I closed my eyes and softly smiled.

“Yellow,” I mouthed, reopening my eyes.

“Aw! Why didn’t I say that?” he groaned as I smirked and we began walking to his motorcycle again. Kyle and I had spent the remainder of the school day at the local arcade, eating and playing games. During miniature golf, he inevitably showed me how to hit a hole in one by wrapping his warm arms around me. It felt a bit uncomfortable actually. His arms weren’t quite long enough to fit around me perfectly and with the way his muscles curved, they kind of pressed against my shoulders instead of fitting into them the way Jacob’s did.

As we got onto the Harley and started back to the school, I thought of how he didn’t even remember my favorite color. That was one of my distinguishing factors. At least, that’s what I thought. I had never met anyone else whose favorite color was yellow and Kyle couldn’t even remember it. I dwelled on this for the ten-minute ride until we got to the school. “Did you have fun?” he asked as he helped me off the bike.

“Yeah,” I said. And it wasn’t a lie. I did have fun. A lot of fun actually. My knees nearly buckled a total of seven times (I counted) and I felt like I was floating on Cloud Nine the whole time…but even with all that, I didn’t have nearly as much fun as I do with Jacob I realized. “Thanks for taking me,” I said, grabbing his hand. I wanted desperately for an electric jolt to go through my arm and tickle my body similar to what happened when Jacob held my hand, but I just felt a sizzle. The sizzle lingered for quite a while, but eventually dwindled and died as we proceeded through the halls.

I saw Jacob’s figure leaning against my locker and I looked over at Kyle. “I’m in trouble!” I sing-songed jokingly, making Kyle shake his head and laugh.

“You want me to come with you?” he asked. I grinned at his chivalry.

“No. Jacob’s just a big teddy bear. I’ll see you later,” I said. Kyle nodded and began walking away, but suddenly turned around and walked back to me. He kissed me gently on the cheek before straightening up again. I smiled softly, resisting the urge to touch my cheek where he kissed it.

“Bye,” he said, his cheeks slightly pinker. He left, looking back every now and again at me and mussing up the back of his hair, his crooked smile making my heart skip. Once he had turned the corner, I began making my way through the crowd in the hallway.

“You’re on my locker,” I stated, plainly but seriously. Jacob just looked at me.

“You skipped the last three periods,” he said in the same tone.

“Well. You’re quite the observant one aren’t you?” I said sarcastically. I then pushed my way past him to my locker. I put in my combination as Jake watched me. Even though his gaze wasn’t exactly loving, I still felt my heart beginning to pound under his intense scrutiny.

“That’s not exactly something you’d want Sam and Emily to hear, is it?” he asked. I slammed my locker door shut at these words and spun around to face him.

“You wouldn’t,” I said, calling his bluff. I hoped I was calling his bluff. I narrowed my chocolate brown eyes at him.

“Wanna bet?” he threatened, raising a dark eyebrow at me. We stared each other down for a few moments, challenging the other to soften up and apologize, which neither of us did.

“Hey, lovers!” we heard a familiar voice shout from down the hall. We looked to our right and saw Jared strutting jauntily down the hall towards us. I put on a slight smile and walked toward him. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and I put mine around his waist as we kept walking towards Jacob. Without stopping, Jacob fell into step next to us so that we were all headed to the front doors.

“I’m getting a ride with you two ‘cause my car broke down on the way to school this morning,” he announced as he pushed open the doors. He switched his hold on me for just my hand which I didn’t mind considering that I had already begun sweating because of his warm body pressed against mine. “So did you have fun today?” Jared asked me with a squeeze of the hand and a wink. I smirked and leaned against him as we approached Jacob’s red truck.

“It was pretty fun. We escaped on his motorcycle to the arcade and played mini golf and Pacman and stuff. He was sweet,” I said as he opened my door. I slid into the passenger seat next to Jacob and Jared got into the backseat.

“Well, you know Jacob and I aren’t gonna let you get away with this again, so don’t try,” he warned playfully as Jacob pulled out of the parking lot and started toward Sam and Emily’s house.

“Who said we were gonna let her get away with it this time?” he grumbled. I rolled my eyes and looked out the window grumpily.

“C’mon, Jake—” Jared started, beginning to vouch for me, but Jacob cut him off with a question for me instead.

“Did you guys plan that little—that little—stunt today?” he spat, gripping the steering wheel with more force than he needed.

“No, Jacob. It was spontaneous,” I said. “He’s spontaneous,” I cooed as if it was the most romantic thing in the world, knowing it would thoroughly irritate Jacob. He pouted, sticking his bottom lip out just a bit. I smirked internally at this childish action.

“Spontaneous,” he muttered. “I’ll give you spontaneous—” And with that, he swerved abruptly into the next lane with traffic zooming the opposite way we were going. I screamed and clutched onto my door and the dashboard while Jared and Jacob laughed. He weaved by honking cars going the other way right before they crashed into us. I was sure we were gonna die when we were speeding head on toward a large blue semi truck. Positive that the last thing I heard would be the deafening honk of the truck and blood rushing through my ears due to my pounding heart, Jacob dived out of the way just before we hit the truck. We were so close, that the grinding metal of the bumpers caused sparks to fly as he pulled up to the side of the road.

Jacob and Jared had goofy grins on their faces while I was breathing like I had just run a marathon, one hand on my door handle, one on my seat and one of my feet braced against the dashboard. I looked over to Jacob, my chest still heaving from panting…and I began laughing. He also began laughing, the corners of his dark brown eyes crinkling, which made me laugh even harder. Jared was laughing in the back, but we weren’t really minding him. I threw a hand out to hit Jacob in the chest, but he grabbed my wrist and yanked me over to him, causing me to yelp which dissolved into laughter as I landed on him.

We kept laughing and he began tickling me causing me to spasm on top of him, which made him laugh in return. “Jacob, leggo!” I shrieked, trying to push his big, calloused hands away from my middle. He didn’t listen to my desperate pleas and, frankly, I didn’t want him to. I would’ve stayed in his arms forever, laughing with him if Jared hadn’t shouted, “Hey! I wanna get Calypso home so that you can fix my car, dammit!” Still smiling, I climbed over to my seat and Jacob began driving home once again. We turned on the radio and we all listened in content silence, Jake and I sneakily sending each other silly looks.

Before I knew it, we had pulled into the driveway at the side of the little blue house. “I’ll see you in a minute,” Jake said. “I’m gonna be back for dinner. Surprise, surprise,” he informed me as he unlocked my door. I nodded and got of the car. Jared started to get out of the car as well. “Where are you going?” Jacob asked curiously as Jared started walking to the house.

“I gotta talk to Calypso,” Jared answered. He sent Jacob a look and after they had made eye contact for a few seconds, Jacob nodded and sat back in his seat. I swore, sometimes, it was like the boys could read each others minds.

“I’ll see you later,” Jake said, about to start home.

“Hey, wait!” I shouted, clutching onto the passenger side door handle. He looked up at me eagerly.

This is stupid. Why are you asking him this? Why does it even matter?

“What’s my favorite color?” I asked him breathlessly. I didn’t know why this meant so much to me. It was a stupid thing to obsess over, but for some reason, I needed to know if he knew it. His face broke out into a smile.

“Yellow,” he answered simply. I let go of his car and watched as he backed out of the driveway and started home. A whisper of a smile lingered on my face as I skipped down the drive into the door, which Jared was holding open for me.

“I’m home!” I shouted, dropping my backpack on the kitchen floor with a childish smile on my face. Every time I did that, a rush of warmth seemed to flood my body and give me goosebumps. I would never do that back in Brooklyn because I never had the urge to draw attention to myself there. I just kind of blended in and kept quiet. There was no need to announce my presence because I didn’t want to be noticed. I would watch with envy as teenagers in movies would do it, a look of disgust on their faces when their mom or dad came prancing happily into the kitchen to ask how their day was. Didn’t they understand that that was a privilege? Something kids like me wished they could have? Parents who gave a damn about how your day went and who practically flew into the room to greet you?

I smiled even wider when Sam came down the stairs, beaming. “There’s my girl,” he said in his deep, husky voice as he swept me up into a bear hug, making me giggle.

“Hi, honey,” Emily greeted as she came over and pecked me on the cheek. I smiled at my family feeling happier than I could ever remember I had been back in Brooklyn during the years without my mom. “Hey, Jared,” Emily said brightly, noticing Jared.

“Hi, Emily,” he said, leaning over to kiss her on the cheek. He and Sam just nodded at each other.

“Do you want something to eat?” she asked, already moving to the cupboards most likely to make some kind of snack.

“Nah, I won’t be here long. I just wanted to stop in for a sec,” he informed her. With that, he grabbed my hand and dragged me into the living room. “Sit,” he ordered simply. I raised my eyebrows at him and sat down on the couch. He pulled up a chair a few inches away from where I was sitting and straddled it backwards, leaning his arms on the back, all without taking his narrowed eyes off of me. We stared at each other like this for a while; my gaze smug and buoyant while his was suspicious and concentrated.

“You’re crushing on Jacob,” he said in a low voice without changing his expression. My face immediately became defensive.

“No I’m not!” I shrieked, shooting out of my seat to glare down at him. He now became the relaxed and amused one.

“It’s really obvious. And you’re crushing big time,” he continued, very pleased with himself. I rolled my eyes and sat back down.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I spat.

“You do too. You’re just in denial. I know you are, I can see it in your eyes,” he insisted.

“You’re delusional. Y’know that?” I asked him venomously. Leaning forward, he narrowed his eyes and scrutinized my face.

“Look me in my eyes and tell me you are not falling head over heels for Jacob Black,” he ordered levelly.

Mustering up all my lie power that I could, I stared Jared in the eyes and said, “I am not falling head over heels for Jacob Black.” We stared at each other for a little bit more, but just the thought of Jacob's smile made my insides feel squeamish. Something on my face must have reflected this because Jared’s face became ecstatic as he stood up and pointed at me.

“AHA! You dirty little liar! You are too! I saw it! In your face! I saw it!” he shouted, hopping up and down while still pointing at me. I groaned and fell back into the couch covering my face. I didn’t even know I had a crush on Jacob until just now. But now that I thought about it that seemed to be the only explanation for the way my stomach did backflips whenever I heard his name. Or how my whole body tingled whenever he simply brushed a hair off my forehead. Or how my heart began to race whenever he smiled at me…the list was infinite.

Peeking through the cracks in my fingers, I looked at Jared’s triumphant grin. “Promise you won’t tell anyone?” I squeaked. He shook his head, grinning like a child who knew something he shouldn’t. I chucked a pillow at his head with all my might, which he smoothly dodged while laughing. He came and sat next to me, letting me lean my head against his chest and curl up into a ball as he wrapped his warms arms around me.

“He likes you too. A lot,” he said softly. I looked up at him, my eyes alight with an innocent glow.

“Really?” I asked wondrously. Jared chuckled at my childish tone and nodded. I smiled to myself and lay my head back on his chest. We ended up putting the movie The Hangover in and laughing our asses off. Emily, knowing Jared all too well, brought in a hot plate of cookies and two tall glasses of milk that we ate half of before Sam came in and stole them. The night continued on as it normally did with all the boys arriving later, eating food and all heading home after I had gone to bed. I fell asleep dreaming of Jacob.