Do You Remember

Of course you don’t; you’re not me.

But I definitely remember my first feelings for you.
I was double the age you were when we met and you were thirteen.
We were just discovering girls and sex and all those other things that seem like the most important aspects of life when you’re just heading into your teenage years, especially if you’re male.

It was the same for the two of us.
Most of our conversations revolved around things that we really shouldn’t be talking about until we had experienced them ourselves.

The only difference between me and the other boys our age, you included, was that I wasn’t discovering girls, I was discovering you.

My crush on you was so subtle that, at first, I didn’t even know it existed.
I’d find myself admiring you, but I had no idea that it was because I was very slowly falling in love with you.
I thought it was just because you were my friend and I looked up to you.

You would often catch me staring at you, as I thought of you; some things were definitely not appropriate for someone my age to be thinking about, but others were just about the little things I liked about you.

Remember the constant compliments I was always sending you?

Your hair looks good today.

Where did you get those jeans?

Wow, where can I buy a hat like that?!

They went from casual comments about your clothing and hair, to not-so-subtle comments about you, your personality.

Your eyes are so pretty.

I’m so lucky to have you as a best friend, you’re amazing.

I wish my ass would look as good in jeans as yours does.

I know that last one stumped us both.

You had looked at me in confusion and my facial expression was one of horror; it was not meant to leave the confines of my head.
I threw out a quick “Just kidding” just in time to save face, but I knew that now, what I felt for you was not entirely amicable.
It made it that much harder to be around you, knowing that I liked you as more than a friend, and not having any idea whether you felt the same or even your opinion of two guys being in love.

You probably would have teased me if I told you this earlier, but I spent a lot of my time imagining disgusting things, like old ladies shaving their legs, when I was around you.
You were always so beautiful (and you still are) and I found it hard controlling myself.

Remember all those times I sat staring at nothing with a grimace on my face?
Yeah, that was me trying not to jump you.
If you weren’t so god damn attractive, it wouldn’t have been so hard, but I’m sure you remember me spacing out on you on countless occasions.
That’s why.

As the months continued, my crush on you got stronger and stronger.
I spent way too much time imagining all the dirty things I could do to you.
Every little touch, even if it was just your hand brushing mine when we dug in the chip packet at the same time or you slinging your arm over my shoulders in a friendly manner, whatever, it drove me crazy.
Every movement; whether you were walking, running, sitting down, standing up… the list can go on forever, was like you were teasing me, tempting me to see if I would snap and tell you what I felt for you.

In case you couldn’t tell, you drove me insane.
You still do drive me insane, constantly, but at least now I can unleash the insanity you cause by telling you that I love you over and over again.

Hey, Addison? I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

See how crazy you make me?