Do You Remember

I know I shouldn’t have felt happy when you rang me late at night and told me that Claire had dumped you over a text message.
It was very un-best-friend-like, and I should feel ashamed.

But I don’t.

I was over the moon; it was very difficult for me to conceal my delight as I was “comforting” you, or more like vaguely saying stuff like “oh, there’s plenty of fish in the sea” and all that other crap that people say to make people who’s relationships have been broken feel better.
You asked me why I was so vague, why I didn’t even ask what had happened.

Truth is; I knew what happened.
I had tried to tell you earlier, but you wouldn’t hear a word of it, you were off in your own little fantasy world with rainbows and marshmallow bunny rabbits jumping around and a lake made of melted chocolate and … hang on, that’s my fantasy world… get your own!

Ahem, anyway, as I was saying, you were off in your own little fantasy world and you were oblivious to my attempts to tell you that Claire was planning on dumping you for William Candace, because he gave her what she wanted and you didn’t.

But yeah, you wanted to know why I was so vague and I told you something like “I’m tired”.

Wanna know really why I was so out of it?

I was celebrating.
With streamers and fireworks and cakeand two hundred naked you’s dancing the Can Can.

All inside my head.

See why I wasn’t paying much attention to you?
I had a party in my head to attend and I’m sorry, but you whining about Claire was much less important.Especially when one of the you’s began doing naughty things to me.
Bad pen! It has a mind of its own, I swear! I did NOT tell it to write that.

Cough, moving on.
So, I was celebrating.
Yes, I think that’s where I was getting at.
You were single again, and somehow my mind made the conclusion that you would automatically fall in love with me now that Mrs Slutty McSlut was out of the picture.

You have no idea how broken hearted I was when, at school on Monday, you greeted me like any other day.
A slight hug and a “Hey, Josh” was all I got.
There I was, expecting you to run into my arms and stick your tongue down my throat and I got a “Hey, Josh”.
Thank you, Addison. Way to make me feel loved.
Pshh.

Oh well, it doesn’t really matter anyway.
You were mine in the end.
Mine mine mine mine mine.

And you did do the whole run-into-my-arms-and-kiss-the-shit-out-of-me scene eventually.
It was just a little late… okay, like a few years late.
But still, better late than never.
But it might’ve been much earlier if Claire didn’t have her slimy little hands all over you for the entire six months you were together.
I’m going to stop talking about her now.
She’s pissing me off, and I haven’t seen her in several years.

And besides… who was the one that got you in the end?
That would be uh… me?
Yes, me. Go me! Woo!

Oh, God.
They really should lock me up.
I’m much too insane to be allowed to live like a normal person.

But you see, if I wasn’t so in love with you, I would probably be quite normal.
I blame you, Addy.
Love makes people, regular people crazy.
I used to be regular… before I met you, and now I’m just drowning in insanity.